Member Since: 11/17/2011
Posts: 52,363
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Quote:
Originally posted by Badger
16 year old Becky Gunderson opens her brand new Apple Mac and sets it up. It's the third laptop she's had in two months; the first was accidentally destroyed beyond repair in a One Direction vs Five Seconds of Summer-fuelled rant, and the second was just not quiche in any form at all. Not bothering to look away from the screen, she reaches down into her jumbo sized bag of Doritos, only to find that it is empty. What the **** is this? she screeches in her mind. This is unacceptable! She has strict arrangements with her mother to keep her snacks constantly refilled. Her negligence is appalling. She would have thought her mother knew by now not to be so forgetful; the stove burn must still be faintly seething on her arm.
Becky didn't have the energy to correct her mother right now; she was far too tired from walking all the way to Theodoro's Organic Coffee and Green Living Drinkery at the other end of the street. She distracted herself from her growing hunger by scrolling through Twitter. After half an hour of subverting the patriarchy and venting her opinions to absolutely no-one on tumblr, her activities were interrupted by a loud obnoxious knock on her bedroom door.
That was it. Becky stood up as fast as her beleaguered limbs would let her, and began looking for her baseball bat. Her parents had not be on form lately, and they were going to learn to clean their act up. She found the instrument, dried blood still covering the wood, and made to open the door. She stopped as she heard a loud effeminate and slightly Spanish sounding voice on the other side, asking to be let in. Of course! How could she forget. She had invited her token homosexual friend Antonio round the last time they met in Rainforest Trust Clothing and Earthwear Apparel.
Becky gingerly placed the bat back in the umbrella stand and opened the door. She was immediately embraced in a flurry of pink and orange, and engulfed in the smell of Britney Spears' latest perfume. For the next ten minutes she patiently listened to Antonio talk about himself, from the latest vinyls he had bought to the lastest back alley rendezvous with an older gentleman who had a wife and kids. Becky smiled and nodded politely, but began to glaze over when her friend began to compare the tans on different parts of his body. She got him to stop talking with a little more anger than necessary, and told him to take out his laptop. They were going to have such fun calling out problematic scumbags on the Internet.
"That sounds great Bex but I just want to check ATRL before we do that." Antonio said, opening the music forum from his bookmarks.
Becky rolled her eyes. She was sick of that damn forum full of middle aged men pretending to be preteen girls.
Antonio signed in to his account "SerenityBlues" and clicked through the sections of the forum. Becky watched him discuss various alternative musicians and subtly imply his taste was more refined than other members. The conversations went pleasantly enough, until Antonio opened The Base. The first thing he clapped eyes upon was a thread with the title: "Britney Spears is a talentless, drug-addled psychotic turkey with no career, why?"
Becky heard strangled noises emanating from Antonio's throat. He began to breathe heavily and his eyes widened with growing rage.
"I have HAD IT with these fickle fomos trying it with Godney!" He hissed. "Don't they know that if it wasn't for Britney ATRL wouldn't exist??? She influenced all their faves! She is an icon! A LEGEND! SHE IS THE QUEEN OF MOTHER****ING POP!!!" He began to formulate a nasty and personal response to the thread.
Becky was shocked. "You're a Britney stan? I thought you preferred Aphex Twin and Licky Lykee and Screaming Flowers of Destiny?"
Antonio jerked upright. He was about to press submit post when Becky spoke. He started sweating nervously. "Haha don't worry Becky, I was just joking. I'm not really a Britney stan, she's an autotuned crazy ****. Honestly I prefer real music from talented artists." As those words left his lips, he could feel internally his organs shutting down and his lifespan decreasing.
Antonio was extremely frustrated. How could he let these idiots know that they were wrong without exposing himself? He would have to be subtle.
"Of course a Germanotta stan would make a thread like this." He typed, making sure to include as many smug and condescending smileys as possible.
He decided to let out his anger by posting in SYG. He found the regulars discussing the latest movie release; completely unrelated to what he wanted to say.
"So how are the ratings doing for NOSE her CABLE TV career doing???" he asked - electronically interrupting everyone's conversation. He continued to post personal comments about Lady Gaga and her fans, until he had successful dragged SYG away from intellectual discussion to foul mouthed rants and repetitive unrelated gif usage.
Antonio sat back on the bed and smiled. He had surely shown them. They would all know their folly for speaking ill of the Legendary Miss Britney Spears. He refreshed the page, and was then horrified to see the comment:
"SerenityBlues, I didn't know you were a Britney fan. I thought you liked talented artists."
The anger returned, hot and burning like fire. His fingers attacked the keyboard as he wrote out a response:
"I don't have to take this attitude from a Beyonce stan. How many children has the ape killed now??? Nicki Minaj also killed her children and she has a FAKE ASS!!! Rihanna has a huge forehead and she sells coconuts!!! LupusGa is OVER and a FLOP and her fanbase needs to kill themselves!"
Almost immediately, he received a warning point. And so he took his anger to HQ.
"What kind of DISGUSTING BIAS do the mods have here? ATRL really SUCKS now. You let all the other fanbases get away with everything! I did not deserve that warning point, reverse it now. I'm going to start a petition to get you all demoted."
And with that, he received another point, bringing his total to ten and resulting in a month-long ban. Antonio screeched homosexually and punched the wall. After counting to ten and fanning himself, he decided to apologise to Becky for his anger. However he hadn't noticed that Becky had left the room half an hour ago, and was well into correcting her parents with a baseball bat downstairs.
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This Antonio guy reminds me of Berry from Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends
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