Disclaimer: The following three songs are songs that annoy, disgust, and have moments that completely enrage me.
#1
will.i.am - T.H.E. (The Hardest Worst Ever)
"I woke up in the morning, hard like morning wood in the morning"
I really do not like this song, the lyrics are such corny trash, the whole thing is just cringeworthy. The song is a soulless, tinman Frankenstein of a creation. It is an assault on my eyes and ears.
Will seems like the type that thinks hes in with the "cool/popular" clique but really they just barely tolerate him and talk **** about him behind his back, which is why few people take him seriously and all his solo stuff has flopped (except the one with Britney). I'm embarrassed for J.Lo & Mick Jagger for ever agreeing to be on this song and even in the video, such a tragic, awful video which is filled mostly with Will driving a variety of vehicles down a runway.
#2
Flo Rida - In the Ayer
Oh look another song with Will involved (I don't hate everything he does btw, I love some BEP songs ). I mainly hate this song because of the word "Ayer". Ayer Ayer Ayer. The way it sounds is like cancer to my ears. My body convulses and spasms in disgust and rage when I hear this song's chorus, and the fact that Will sings it doesn't help at all. It is just so annoying. Also, Flo Rida is like rap for kids and soccer mom's, he has a few bops but there's a reason no one buys his albums. I could definitely hear this mess on a Kidz Bop cd. Oh and the last 10 seconds are truly atrocious if you stick it through til then.
#3
Nickelback - Photograph
Oh my god, I cringed and got the nasty goosebumps, not the good chills, but the spine tingly "omg that's so disgusting i never want to experience that again" goosebumps, just from thinking of the way Chad Kroeger says "photograph".
"Look at this P H O t OH G RREE A P Hhh. every time i do it makes me LAFF."
UGH it is worse than gravel in a blender. Also, the video, his ramen noodle hair is just gross. It is like a mop that was used to clean up vomit and then just left outside in the sun to get all crusty and yellow. Anyway, yeah this song is terrible and this concludes my pits trinity.
Navyofbadgals
The pretty annoying trinity
Double Take - Hot Problems
When two basic ass white girls make a song so bad that ears everywhere are bleeding, they definitely deserve a place in this pits trinity. Stupid lyrics, a horrible ending and the vocals are not even good with loads of autotune on them. Arrogant girls make sure everyone know about their horrible ego.
Right Said Fred - I'm too sexy
The fact that song became a big succes worldwide makes me sick. The horrible lyrics about some bald man who isn't even sexy. The vocal fry in the song makes this song even more horrible. It looks like he's slowly running out of oxygen. Truly the pits when you think you're sexy, but you're FAR from sexy
Britney Spears & Iggy Azalea - Pretty Girls
The worst thing about this song, is that this wasn't supposed to be joke. The first two songs could be made just for the fun, but this song was actually meant to be a hit. The cheesy and corny lyrics, like bees to the honey, are just horrid. And that rap where Iggy is mostly rapping her own name and how she has fake thighs . ''We're just so pretty!''... like no. This horrible fancy rehash that could be used as a weapon for someones ears should've stayed in the trash can.
The lesson of this trinity is that isn't smart to make a song about how pretty you are
Sam
2007: omg hi XD this song is soooooo amazing i play it every day after skewl. it's actually my current myspace profile song. i found out about the millionaires before anyone else at my skewl because i'm just kewl lyk dat XXXD 2015: Jesus ****ing Christ, was I dropped on the head as a child or something? How could I ever enjoy this ****** garage band recorded with a webcam trash? My 10 year old self bopped out to this. The ****? 10? No talent broke ****s. "The original Ke$ha!!", FOH. They actually got internet famous with this. smh scene kids.
2007: jeffree star is totz the best thing eva <3 he's an inspiration to me. i think i might be like him... :/ he's so confident and amazing and dirty but i wanna be jus lyk dat zomg, no no no that's not me i'm totally into girls (; 2015: Well **** it gets worse, doesn't it? Let's not even touch on the blatant racism. The horrible garage band beat (is that all these ****s needed to get internet famous?) and complete lack of any vocal anything is more offensive. NOBODY wants to look like you. Omg. I just can't even believe 10 year old me right now. "The Male Gaga"? LMAO.
2007: myah marie is gonna be HUGE i can tell omg, she's like britney but BETTER i hate that bitch, her music is so much better than britneys :''''((( i think radio still start playing her soon cant wait!! 2015: You know the **** what? I'm glad this is the last song because I don't think I could take more of this. I had ****ing awful taste in 2007. GARAGE BAND. MySpace was littered with it. Ugh. Trash lyrics, trash vocals, trash bitch MYAH JEAN ****ing hoe ****. I WAS 10. WHERE WERE MY PARENTS?
A Bomb
First up is the Grand Dragon of The New Black and head peanut himself, Pharrell. This song reminds me of summer. More specifically, when the trash bins are left out on the curb in a sweltering 100+ degrees and I have to put them back on the side of the house. As I reach out to grab the handle the steamy rancid hugamari-esque odor hits me. That exact moment in time personifies this song for me.
Now lets about about this wack bitch, Lorde. First of all she looks like that ****ing sloth from Ice Age. Secondly, her lyrics are always pure **** m8. What does this bitch even sing about??? From what I know she lived a sheltered life with no memorable experiences, so I guess she steals Lana's BTD demo instrumentals and writes nonsensical lyrics over them and passes it as deep. Then, the ****ing gays eat that garbage up; this is why gays had to fight for their rights. Also lets talk about her faux white feminism: Her Quasimodo-faced and humpty-dumpty body ass tried it, bc she didn't like other female pop stars flaunting their sex appeal on stage and what have you. Where I come from this is called jealousy. You want to know how, I knew, my observation is true? Well looky here, in this vid, she's being groped, kissed on (yuck!) and what not, so I guess this rodent finally got what she wanted.
P.S. the song sucks, she looks ugly and she dances like she has scoliosis
No one else irks me as much, besides that flat chested succubi Taylor, as this Banshee. I really dislike break-up songs, so I guess it makes sense I dislike Adele since her career is based off of that same subject. Is she still writing about the same guy? My god talk about obsession and lack of creativity. Most of my disdain for her music comes from the bandwagon stans and this isn't just about ATRL. She has become synonymous with "good music". Whatever the **** that means. People use her lullabies as some idiotic indication for their amazing taste in music. Ugh. Lbr, there is nothing special about her music! Her voice maybe, but her music no. And her metacritic scores reflect it. Idg where the fascination for her sleep-inducing howls comes from. I'm a firm believer shes the devil incarnate. You know what they say: It always feels warm when you're under the devil's wing.
P.S. idk why but I've always thought she would smell like hot dog water.
wesleywalrus
VIRAL HITSTRASH OF 2015
Let's be real. They go viral because they are funny, yet bad.
ok madge. we get it. ur medoner. next time just show us ur birth certificate or sumthin
ok OMI could lowkey get it (save the love yourself comments) but his music is critically panned and hated by most sane people, even though it went #1 in many major countries (gotta love the deafs). Cheerleader is most definitely top 1 on your worst of lists this year and rightfully so.
okay just listen to me, just kidding don't
MusicLoverDude
S3riously Suckish
I'm sure all of us could write a list of "stupid" songs that are bad. But to create a trinity of bad songs takes some work. That's why I went with a specific direction: songs I personally dislike, despite all three of them being popular songs that a lot of people like. These songs were taken seriously and aren't considered to be stupid, dumb. Some pretentious idiots will say this is "real" music even. Regardless of what those people think, it doesn't change the fact I find these three songs, all of which peaked at #3 on the Hot 100, to be bad.
To this day I will never understand why Radioactive became so huge. I've read that this song is meant to be inspiring, but honestly, I just don't find the lyrics very relatable. Talking about an apocalypse and describing a new age full of radioactive people is just very unrealistic. It doesn't help that the instrumental isn't as powerful as it's made out to be. The introduction starts it off sounding like a Dr. Luke production, only to switch to a dubstep beat before the singing starts. Dan Reynold's voice isn't that pleasant to listen to so the instrumental could've used an extra pump during the verses to at least make it more tolerable, but it's too quiet, so you're only really able to hear Dan's angry sounding vocals over it. Yet for some reason, this song is 10x Platinum and critically acclaimed. To each their own, but I have plenty of other songs to listen to if I need inspiration or energy.
We all deal with breakups. But one of the reasons I really despise this song is because it basically describes what a lot of people do after a break-up: they don't want to cope with their feelings regarding one and they try to forget as a result. The lyrics honestly are disturbing. Why would anyone actually do that to themselves? Munching on twinkies, kissing random people, smoking drugs....like...Tove Lo should have had some dignity for herself. This song shouldn't be "relatable" because no one should do this to themselves. To me, having Habits out there for people to listen to just encourages wreckless behavior after a break-up, and that shouldn't be the case. My breakup with Scott back in January was messy, but I didn't destroy myself over it. No one else should either. There are other break-up songs that are HEALTHIER for your mind
I understand that this song means a lot to Foster the People. It has the biggest message out of these three songs. Unfortunately, it doesn't take away from the fact that the lead singer just has a very horrific voice that is ridiculously annoying. In light of all the (unfortunately high amount of) shootings we've had in this country since this song has been released, it actually makes this song sound sick. For it to be so upbeat, but talk about such a dark and tragic topic, it's no wonder it got banned from radio following the Sandy Hook massacre. It actually makes this song creepy on top of already being annoying. I think if they wanted to make a message about youth violence, they could have done it with a more serious song that wasn't meant to be a hit.
All of these songs were popular, big hits that a lot of people like. I'm sure that includes some of the judges and my fellow contestants. In fact, they might be enraged that I consider these songs to be bad, so they might end up dissing me by dragging me for having big **** or saying my faves are generic flops. Say what you will, but my opinions on these songs stand. I never liked them and most likely never will. I don't care how serious and meaningful people think these songs are. I think they are bad and that's why they are here.
Witch_Privilege
The Hot 100 #1s That Should Have
NEVER BEEN!
There have been 1048 Hot 100 #1 songs since the debut of the Billboard Chart on August 4th, 1958. Since its debut, we have seen hundreds of artists snatch the top spot with a plethora of the best songs ever put forth into the universe. Unfortunately, the Billboard Hot 100 is not foolproof, and many truly terrible songs have made it to the top due to the general public's lack of taste, a cheap promotional tactic, or a weird change in the calculation of the chart the benefits one random song.
Here is my trinity of songs that should have NEVER earned the honor of being a
#1 song on the Hot 100:
Baauer - Harlem Shake
March 2nd, 2013 - 5 Weeks
Are you ****ING KIDDING ME? This bulls**t song topped the chart because Billboard decided OUT OF THE GOD DAMN BLUE to incorporate YouTube streams into its chart data. Why now? Why this song? This song went viral due to stupid 30 second clips in which morons danced around like idiots (full disclosure: I was one of those idiots in Andy Grammer's video). What really pisses me off, though, is that Billboard counted EVERY stream from EVERY user uploaded video, even though it was only THIRTY GOD DAMN SECONDS of the ****ing song. As someone who has been following the charts for years, this is a disgusting stain on the history of the Hot 100 #1 chart.
Wiz Khalifa - See You Again
April 25th, 2015 - 12 Weeks
To capitalize off of someone's death is awful. To do it with a reductive version of Mariah Carey's "One Sweet Day" is just down right offensive. To also do it with a subpar song is just pure disrespectful. Three strikes and you're OUT BITCH. I understand writing a song about someone passing away IF YOU KNEW THEM. Wiz and Charlie had never even met Paul Walker, how dare they write a song about his death to make money off of it! And shame on Fast & Furious, because it was probably their idea to help generate profits for the movie, as well. It's just all around disturbing, and I refuse to listen to a song that relies on unethical & immoral tactics to promote itself and snatch the top spot on the Hot 100. RIP Paul Walker, sorry that your death was taken advantage of for monetary gain.
Carly Rae Jepsen - Call Me Maybe
June 23rd, 2012 - 9 Weeks
Good lord I hate this song. I tried my best during the summer of 2012 to avoid this song, but ultimately failed. I dislike this song for many reasons, the first being that its popularity exploded because of noted douche bag Justin Bieber doing a lip-sync video to it. I also hate this song, because it is just truly terrible that a 26 year old girl wrote it, while we literally all thought she was a 17 year old Disney star. Lastly, I hate it, because Carly Rae Jepsen actually has AMAZING music outside of this song. Unfortunately, this song overshadowed her entire career, and now no one takes her seriously in the industry, even though she released the one of the best albums this year. If this Hot 100 #1 had never been, she could have been more respected by the industry and general public, and EMOTION could have been given the recognition it deserved.
Superpower
rl231
rl231's PITS Trinity
For this round, I wanted to use songs that either came out in 2015 or became popular in 2015, seeing as this year of music is coming to an end. Enjoy!
I freaking HATE OMI's Cheerleader. It is by far one of the worst songs I've ever heard in my life and especially in this year. Like who comes up with this s***?!?!?!?!?!????????? For example, "Oh, I think that I've found myself a cheerleader.
She is always right there when I need her" are TERRIBLE lyrics. TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE. It's beyond me as to why this song became popular all over the world, but maybe people related to it or thought that it was cute or something. What frustrates me about this song is that it's super misogynistic. I hate the stigma that many straight men are misogynistic, which is true in some cases, but I try to actively break this. However, this song totally assists the stigma. I mean, why the hell would these lyrics be in there:
"Do you need me?
Do you think I'm pretty?
Do I make you feel like cheating?"
Like this makes no sense. Why does a woman need to tell her man and try to gain his validation? Shouldn't she be strong enough to think on her own? Independence is sexy to me, and this is unequivocally not. Not even lyrically now, but THE FREAKING AUTOTUNE. It totally kills the song in the worst way possible and makes it totally unlistenable.
Did PSY really need to come back? Does anyone even care what he's doing? Like why come back with a totally crappy song and an utterly perturbing music video? Admittedly, I laughed a little bit, but after the first 30 seconds, I was through with it. This is just unbearably AWFUL. Who the hell comes up with crap like this? I don't want to see a music video with PSY's face plastered onto a child who's supposed to be of his likeness and somehow gets all the girls?! This isn't funny, it's just s***. Then, the line: "I got it from my daddy." I get that it's supposed to be like "I got it from my mama," but my god, it fails so miserably. I understand that this si supposed to be his "schtick," but his time is up and he needs to get the hell up out of the music industry and stay in South Korea (or immigrate to a different country and have a totally different life).
I've decided to end with the worst, or at least from someone that is actually a terrible person. Cameron Dallas...why? You try to act like some kind of pimp daddy who knows if a girl knows that she's bad or not, but really, you're just some white kid who is capitalizing off of fame from thirsty pre-pubescent teenage idiots, who stan for crap like this. YOU CAME FROM A DAMN APP AND HAVE NO REAL TALENT. Go back to wherever you came from and please stop trying to be this cool person when you're really a homophobic jerk.
Now, onto the song, CAMERON DALLAS (imagine this in Maury Povich's voice)...you...are...not a rapper! My god, who told you that you can do music? That person seriously needs to get their priorities in order and re-evaluate what they're doing. I can't even fully listen to the song because it's such utter s***. Like these lyrics: "Shake that, work that, move that, yeah.
She a good girl but you know she bad though." WHAT UTTER TRIPE IS THIS CRAP?!????!?!? I don't understand why you feel the need to put down women when about 99.9999% of your fans are girls. They might not even realize how bad this song is because they're so damn blind, but we do Cameron, we do.
Of the many, many questionable songs labels and artists (that term is sometimes used loosely) release every year, the ones that usually annoy me the most are the 2.0 songs. Now, songs can sound similar to each other but still be respectable works on their own (I know this being a Gaga stan, hihi). 2.0 songs, on the other hand, are frigid, soulless, desperate copies of former hits that only exist to have some shadow of their former hits' successes. Sometimes they're successful and sometimes they're not, but they're almost always atrocious songs.
Worst lyrics: “Your sugar
Yes, please
Won't you come and put it down on me”
"Sugar" - Maroon 5
Poor Katy, seriously. "Birthday" underperforms and then Maroon 5 blatantly copies the already mediocre song and music video and smashes. For some ungodly reason, this song spent 20 weeks in the top 10, placed #5 on the Hot 100 2015 Year-End chart and has 910 million views. I'm not one to use the term "sell-out," but this song epitomizes the generic mess Maroon 5 has become. Everything from the wedding crashing to Adam trying to hit falsetto notes like Jeremimi is so off-putting.
Worst lyrics: “I'm a mother****ing gentleman”
"Gentleman" - Psy
It's hard to top "Gangnam Style," and some of these similarities are part of the K-pop genre, but "Gentleman" was such an atrocity. The dance moves that were barely changed from the "Gangnam Style" video. The production and hook that were basically carried over but somehow made worse. The grown-ass man pulling obnoxious pranks in some odd way of seeming hip with the kids. Pass.
Worst lyrics: “Focus on me, f-f-focus on me”
"Focus" - Ariana Grande
Where do you even begin here? Why would you even try to replicate a summer 2014 hit in fall of 2015? The guy's voice is so random and adds nothing to the song. The horns and production are dated. The horrific non-chorus and clunky hook kills anything this song has going for it. The video is cute, but the song is so tragic.
genetic fail
What do you get when you put two of the world's worst rappers in one
"song"? You got it right. AN ABOMINATION. It's one of Pitbull's first
songs to be a hit in the US but it sure as hell is not his best one (I mean
he has a few okay-ish songs). Lil Jon just grunts and yells words while
Pitbull "raps". NOT SO FUN FACT: The word Krazy has been said 91x in
the entire thing. And the lyrics are a damn mess! He just yells random
ethnicities and places where they go Krazy! And some wtf ironies that
don't even rhyme "Kanye no style, J Lo no ass, Iraq no war, U.S no
Bush, Obama with no color" Read the whole thing if you dare
Jennifer Lopez and Pitbull have collaborated like a million times and this
is their most recent effort (not that it took a lot of that to make the
song). And it's not any better than their last ones. First of all, the booty
fad got old real fast during the first half of 2013. Secondly, Pitbull's
verse is one the worst rap verses I've ever heard EVER! "She got a
booty that'll swallow a thong", "I wanna take that big 'ol booty shopping
at the mall", those are some of the horrendous lyrics Papa Pit utters on
the song Seriously, though, someone get this man a ghostwriter
Our last song is by -guess who?- Pitbull! BECAUSE PITBULL IS THE
ABSOLUTE PITS! He should change his name to Pitsbull tbh! This song is
his latest single and it sounds straight outta 2009 or even earlier This
man just has no musical growth! It's just as unlistenable, as atrocious, as
misogynist and as TRASH as his other stuff! And if that isn't enough it
features the most cliche pop lyrics of the last 30 years, "Throw your
hands up in the air, wave like you just don't care" The production is
cheap af too and is bombarded by his signature Spanish Pitbullisms
P.S. Pitbull also says "That thing so fat it look like an orangutan"
among other things
lovesong
Meeting of the Writers:
> Alright people, as we all are aware SNL has been declining a lot these past few years. But the best ratings come from our parodies, y'know the animated features. However, we need to make sure that our parodies are tight and current. Get those young people views. What are some songs we could suggest?
Well, a lot of kids use tumblr these days. That faux-hipster aesthetic is all the rage, let's parody some of those!
Sounds good, what have you got?
Well...
Lana Del Rey is good for that #tumblr aesthetic, of course.
We at SNL know a lot about her...
This guy is getting pretty big. He's clearly #edgy with his #drug references
Just listen to that voice! Indie is CHIC.
--
Good god.
These all sound like they're already bad parodies.
No one could possibly believe that any of these lyrics are truly deep and pivotal... are they serious?
I guess, our work is already done.
J P O W
△▽▽△
Justin Bieber - Love Yourself
Something he obviously doesn't do if he released something this awful. This song sounds like something that I sang at church camp when I was eight with that youth minister who thinks he's cool with two piercings on each ear singing proudly, loudly, and absolutely awfully. It doesn't help that Justin thinks he's creating a movement with this song. The Paranormal Activity security footage of this couple dancing so modern to a song that's so not modern is hilariously bad as well.
Nickelback - Photograph
This is the epitome of what was wrong with the 2000s. The bad hair, facial hair, fashion, the sad time we thought this weird rock music was cool and listened to it to be alternative from those listening to Usher and Fergie. Those soccer moms would listen to it with their uneven bobs and clashing floral prints in their minivan waiting for their daughter to get out of ballet while feeling edgy when this song is as edgy as a 5% sale at K-Mart.
Ke$ha - Your Love Is My Drug
THE WAY SHE SCREAMS "YAALUWVE" I can't handle it. She went from the acceptably tragic Tik Tok to this unacceptably anything single. It ruined any potential she had of being an actual pop star with longevity. It's so try hard rebellious, it's cringeworthy. The music video where she's in the desert, turns into a heffalump or a woozle and then becomes a late Woodstock poster from the mind of a 15yo boy on mushrooms who just finished jacking off is not a good look for her either. Bless her.