The boy would name his beloved track “Penguin,” his reasoning being that penguins are in many ways very unlike horses. “No damn horse will ever sing neigh over top of my tracks!” declared the boy.
Quote:
Mounted atop a mighty stallion and bearing gift of piano-laden house tune, Sandy Vee bounded gloriously into the horizon. “I did this all by mah self,” Vee shouted as he approached and handed her a CD with the words “This is not Avicii’s track!” sprawled across its label. They went into My Little Pony’s stable and began work on the track that would become “Collide,” a romantic number about two star-crossed Appaloosas crashing into each other during a polo match.
Bubbling Under Chart: #65-61 "Didn't we almost have it all?" Well, no, you didn't even land somewhere in the middle of the main chart.
#65Wolfgang Gartner - Forever (feat. will.i.am)
Contains what must be the best (and by best, I really mean only) reference to Boogloo Shrimp since LFO’s referential-for-the-sake-of-being-referential masterpiece, “Summer Girls”. Speaking of needless allusions, when does it become silly for one to pay homage to a deceased friend through song? That somber verse seems a bit lost in a track that is otherwise very feel good, and beyond that, I do feel there’s an element of timeliness that’s been overlooked. As is the case with most things that involve will.i.am, this track would be better without contributions from a yapping puppy. Release a dub please.
The Best Bit: Wolfgang’s thick synths and chunky percussion.
#64Natalia Kills - Wonderland
“I don’t believe in fairytales.” But if she’s truly such a realist, why does she keep chasing this futile dream of pop stardom? Clearly, it’s not really happening. I realize I’m taking this lyric entirely out of context, but if I twist things around enough, I’m certain it will seem like I’m making a fair criticism of a career that is full of absurdities and general stupidity. Much as I’ve come to despise Natalia Kills for pointless jibber-jabber (skip to 2:09) and silly posturing, if I consider Natalia’s persona and Natalia’s musical output as separate entities, I can still enjoy a handful of her tunes. “Wonderland” is one such tune. To be fair to Natalia, she has her talents. On “Wonderland” her considerable skill as a songwriter comes into play as she craftily avoids commitment to any perspective. (Dumb, I know, but hang with me.) Wonderland Natalia doesn’t buy into in romanticism or happily ever afters, yet try as she might to repress her feelings, she’s overcome by the suspicion that he could be “the one” – her proverbial Prince Charming who will transport her to that proverbial Wonderland. As corny as it sounds, it’s a very human conflict that’s sure to resonate with anyone on the rebound from a messy relationshit. Best of all, she shrouds the entire affair in an appealing veil of sexual innuendo. That’s a whole lot of scatterbrained silliness for one person to juggle. (Liner credits reveal that she had a little assistance, but we’ll give her full credit.) No easy feat, really.
The Best Bit: “You be the beast and I’ll be the beauty-beauty. Who needs true love as long as you love me truly?”
#63Jedward - Lipstick / Jedward - Wow Oh Wow
A fantastic Jedward double-whammy! These two singles are glorious chunks of infectious ear-candy, and I won’t hear otherwise. Sure, we’re all a bit too cool for Jedward, but I think they deserve a little more credit than they’re typically given. Something must be said of their ability to fully commit, (seriously, they don’t break character) their vivaciousness (Ritalin be damned) and unbreakable spirit (there are few acts more despised). I enjoy their spunk. (They also enjoy spunk, if you catch my drift.) Harmonization is something of a foreign concept to them and they’re not particularly sharp dancers, but despite the fact that they are not skilled performers, they have an innate ability to entertain. They impress me if for no other reason that the fact that they’ve really managed to turn nothing into something. And, oh yeah, they’ve got a few tunes that are passable, if not worthy of favorable foot-tapping.
“Lipstick” is just this incredible barrage of rapid fire synths and monotonous chanting – it is, in many way, a direct descendant of Britney’s “Womanzier”. And I think we can all agree that “Womanzier” is ****ing incredible! As a rehashing of sorts, it follows that this must also be pretty ****ing incredible, or at the very least, the best song entered in the 2011 Eurovision Song Contest. (I mean, Azerbaijan? Really?!)
The Best Bit: That pitch bend they do to the end of each phrase during the verses. It sounds both very stupid and very perfect.
And is there a more perfect pop chorus than the one featured on “Wow Oh Wow”? It’s highly doubtful. Wow oh wow indeed! I love the fact these three words lend themselves so perfectly to this particular track, morphing into this boderline-funky (as funky as one would expect to hear in an Irish pop song) background riff. It’s a flawless single made impossibly perfect by a fascinating music video featuring one Tara Reid. I don’t know what I find more entertaining; the fact that the boys are really trying to pass Ms. Reid as wow-oh-wow-worthy, or the fact that Tara, despite spending 16 days in the Big Brother house with these boys, has no clue where she is, who she’s with, or what she’s doing.
The Best Bit: “She got a body and it got me, on the floor tryna get her looking at me. See I got a feeling, she got a feeling. Wow oh wow oh wow!”
#62Nicole Scherzinger - Don't Hold Your Breath
Expecting another Scherzy single to make an appearance? Don’t hold your breath.
The Best Bit: Fantastic production from Carl Falk, Steve Agnello and Rami Yacoub. It’s very RedOne-esque in some aspects, and what’s more, it’s better than anything RedOne could dream of producing.
#61Alexandra Stan - Mr. Saxobeat
The legacy of Romanian pop music is generally thought to have begun and ended with The Cheeky Girls. They are, as far as I’m concerned, the QUEENS of the Southeastern European pop scene. (I suppose this is the most appropriate geographic identifier? I don’t think Romania can really be considered strictly Eastern European.) But by 2011, Cheekfreaks had become something of a dying breed. Enter Alexandra Stan and the Stan stans, (Stan stans are Stan fans – say it 5 times fast) a ballsy gang (led by AlexandraStanFan) of Inna enthusiasts, (surely they hear the similarities) who would usher in a musical revolution, or, well, ride the wave of a musical revolution that was started by less notable acts like, say, Inna. I wouldn’t be as drastic as to imply that Ms. Stan is capable of usurping this highly coveted from pop throne from underneath the Cheeky Girls’ flawless and very touchable bums, but following the massive international success of “Mr. Saxobeat”, I think she’s at least in contention for some sort of honorific pop title. (Queen of the Woodwinds, perhaps?) And make no mistake, “Saxobeat” (whatever that may be) can engage in head-to-head combat with the very finest of the Cheeky Girls’ discography. Who would emerge victorious? Well, it’s difficult to say. It’s a pretty even pairing when you consider the fact that, in terms of sheer lyrical absurdity, “you make me this” and “touch my bum this is life” are in the same ballpark.
The Best Bit: The saxobeats, of course. The oh yeah, mmm-yeah, mmm-yeah, m-m-m-yeahs are also pretty awesome.
#61Jessie and the Toy Boys - Push It (feat. Yelawolf)
With a coveted gig opening for Britney during her Femme Fatale tour, I think it’s safe to say that 2011 was a very big year for Jessie and her Toy Boys. But perhaps the greatest honor of her career thus far will be the inclusion of her delightfully dirty single, “Push It” in the Bubbling Under addendum to my list of year’s best singles. Truly something of which she can be very proud.
For a supposedly mainstream list, I actually haven't heard most of these songs... But I will confess to enjoying "Mr. Saxobeat" on more occasions than I would care to admit.
For a supposedly mainstream list, I actually haven't heard most of these songs... But I will confess to enjoying "Mr. Saxobeat" on more occasions than I would care to admit.
The higher we go up the list the more mainstream we get.
The Best Bit: Sexy sax. It offsets Dev ghoulish features.
#59Nicola Roberts - Beat of My Drum
This is the no-melody-mess Beyonce intended to release as her first single. Not my usual thing, but for some reason I feel compelled to L-O----V-E this. I don’t know, probably just something to do with the fact that Nicola’s the only Aloud Girl to release anything worth our while since Cheryl dropped 3 Words.
The Best Bit: “Ooooowooooo! Don’t it make your haaaaawrt go wyyyyyyyld?!”
#58Neon Hitch - Bad Dog
Neon Hitch does her best with this Ester Dean penned (automatically elevates this to a level of amazingness), Animal or Cannibal reject (just a guess, but I think the absurd amount of “animal” references during chorus are very telling), with a little help from Benny Blanco on the production front. This is the slightly less-salacious little sister of Ke$ha’s “Blah Blah Blah”.
The Best Bit: “I just found out that I’m ****ing with a bad dog. But the beast in me, she know how to train a bad dog. Woof like a bad dog, sit and be a good dog, or I’mma put you down bang bang like a mad dog.”
#57Rihanna - You Da One
“You Da One” is not “da one” song I think about all day. I often forget this was even released as a single, and had I not planned my list in advance, I doubt it would have appeared at any point during my countdown. Forgettable, but enjoyable, none-the-less - much like the album from which it was spawn.
The Best Bit: Dr Luke’s productions is (as always) pleasantly crisp.
#56Frankmusik - No I.D. (feat. Colette Carr)
Vincent Frank has, rather remarkably, mastered the art creating infectious pop hooks. What “No I.D.” lacks in terms of charismatic performances (Colette Carr’s contribution is completely devoid of any character) or lyrical ingenuity, it more than makes up for in the form of a melodically predictable, yet entirely effective, sing-along chorus. It’s just the right thing for a wonderfully awful pop tune. It’s a shame Island Records didn’t know what to do with this one (artist and song).