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Tournament: 💎 DIAMOND HIT 💎
Member Since: 8/31/2013
Posts: 21,462
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I haven't listened to a single other ML song, but Vice is about to be in my Best Of.
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Hugamari's Comments (Batch 2)
Beatinglikeadrum – Always With Me
[DISCLAIMER: You are free to take what you want from this/completely ignore whatever I say.] Okay, you started with some stormy imagery, and despite some questionable lines (‘Our destiny is written, I know I’m gonna fail’, particularly, felt off.), I was on board. Then you suddenly drop the imagery and everything’s in plain English. (Sidenote: ‘scars in my heart’ does absolutely nothing. It’s a dull phrase.) The chorus felt lacking compared to the verses, and that’s almost the exact opposite of what you want. If anything should hit you and stick with you, it’s the chorus, yet your verses are more easily identifiable. The most jarring part was you went back to the stormy imagery after the chorus…You should keep it consistent. It felt like, to me, you were trying to balance story-telling and imagery, and while yes, both can be done, you didn’t perfect either element so both fell a bit flat for me. I hope you can decide what it is you want from a song you write and go head on! I don’t want to discourage you from trying to be both if that’s what you want, but I would recommend you make sure you really nailed one of these aspects before trying to put in the other. I see potential for you to go either way, really!
Pecinta Mariah – Syllables
[DISCLAIMER: You are free to take what you want from this/completely ignore whatever I say.] Well, I did promise (at least myself) I’d give actual reviews to every song, so you won’t be an exception. You were adventurous with the slant rhymes! It took me a while to convince myself that’s what you were doing. (EDIT: Upon further investigation, getting past the first verse, I noticed you ACTUALLY have ABBA as your rhyme scheme. Waterloo!) (EDIT2: Upon investigating even more, you seem to change your rhyme scheme every few lines…ABBA reunion CANCELLED) The ‘them chickens is ash’ part made me laugh, but you quoted an established artist for that line so I feel mixed. The highlight was when you went full Mariah and used words with 900 syllables. Come ON thesaurus! The meter was off at times and you needed actual rhymes more because sometimes they weren’t even slant.
conatus – In The Night
[DISCLAIMER: You are free to take what you want from this/completely ignore whatever I say.] I’m mad. I remember you getting Top 10 every round up until you’d quit and I wanted SO badly to not like your song just to rip that Top 10 from you, but **** if I am not obsessed with this. It’s not depressing, so +1, and you obviously know the basics of writing, so +1 again. The one thing I WILL say, though, is some of your metaphors felt weird (not talking about the snail one, because I thought that one was cool), the ones with sand and stones, mostly. However, that is very minor. I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but this so beautiful in how things are so simply stated. It’s not convoluted or phrased like a bridge troll riddle. In short, **** me up.
funnellegs – Where Did They Go?
[DISCLAIMER: You are free to take what you want from this/completely ignore whatever I say.] First of all, hi! Second of all, I liked this line: “...but me and my words, we aren’t getting along”, it was the standout for me. The whole section that came from was a highlight, I think. My concern with this song, however, is that words could be deleted with little consequence, and that goes against what this challenge is trying to do. I will take your “chorus” for my example. You could have easily omitted the “and” parts. “I miss the bright nights, the wild nights / The dreams we used to dream”. Also, not to **** on your title or anything, but I think that could’ve been taken out of your song as well with no real consequence. I guess what to take from this is to make sure your word choices need to be there.
Corsola – No More Crying
[DISCLAIMER: You are free to take what you want from this/completely ignore whatever I say.] “…and then everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked!” Was the first thought that ran into my head when reading your entry. What this means, I don’t know, but I think it’s because the language was so intense that I felt like it was the beginning dialogue to some epic show/movie. I know you got this criticism already, but it doesn’t feel song-like. This can be picked up, and I’m sure you’re a fast learner, so once you get that down, I’m sure we will be seeing great things from you. You obviously have the ideas, which is the hardest part of being a writer if you ask me.
Ventitonic – Shuffle (Interlude)
[DISCLAIMER: You are free to take what you want from this/completely ignore whatever I say.] You missed the deadline for the Intros and Interludes challenge by…approximately one season. I will say you did a brilliant job of keeping your imagery consistent, as it almost felt like I was playing a tape recorder or something. I also liked the mentioning of friends, because I don’t have those. Can’t wait to see what Round 2 has in store for you. P.S: Thank you for the short entry, makes this whole judging thing easier.
Ughgabriel – Despair
[DISCLAIMER: You are free to take what you want from this/completely ignore whatever I say.] I will try to be as delicate as I can with my phrasing here, particularly because word choice is something I will be criticizing you on. One thing I noticed almost immediately is that some words, although sufficient, seem to serve a rhyme scheme, rather than to compliment the piece. The first verse alone felt like nothing but “I need a rhyme” because you didn’t want to abandon the opening line. (I appreciated you opening both verses with it, by the way. I can see why you wouldn’t want to discard that line.) Speaking of, however, “screwed” has multiple meanings, and I would’ve rather you not rhymed at all than use that. It adds a layer to the song I don’t think you meant to be there. You also mentioned your “chest” being out of air. Usually people use lungs, so that felt off. I do, however, appreciate that you gave us some insight into a dark part of your life. It was brave of you. I’m also sorry that you had to go through that. It’s really scary, I know.
RihsusChrist(ATG) – Monster Unseen
[DISCLAIMER: You are free to take what you want from this/completely ignore whatever I say.] I know you think I’m out to get you specifically, and that is why I am going to start by listing parts I liked about your song. The “never ending / beginning” lines worked well due to the juxtaposition in them, and it didn’t seem like you had to force that in there. It was a natural transition. “No more tomorrows, no more today” was also a standout line. Now, some parts I didn’t like. You had times where it felt like the rhyme came before the line, like the couplet immediately following the never ending / beginning lines I praised earlier. You also could have done with some proof-reading. “At a leisurely place” ??? pace* You had one of the more original ideas in this round, being in your interpretation of death and running out of time was one most didn’t seem to want to touch this round. I appreciated that in your song. You obviously have your ideas, and given the way you decided to tackle this round, I can’t really determine how you would handle a more typically-formatted song, so I will reserve comments on the technical side of things until I see another piece from you. This was much better than The Tragic Ballad of Paula Deen, so 
Aurora – Snowflake Secrets
[DISCLAIMER: You are free to take what you want from this/completely ignore whatever I say.] Well sorry @ your explanation, but I’m just gonna imagine that this song is from the viewpoint of the annoying ass boyfriend in those gay teen love stories that always goes back and forth between “I’M NOT GAY!!!” and wanting to rip the virginity out of the other one’s ass. In this way, it makes for an interesting idea for a song. I really liked the imagery in this song, even if I couldn’t have even guessed what the song was about until I read the beginning of the explanation. You have an obvious grasp on writing, so I can’t really nag your for technical things (except @ you using like a 6-syllable word, girl wyd), and you kept your theme and imagery consistent, BUT I think you let yourself drown in your metaphors and it doesn’t have an emotional punch, so that’s what I would try to avoid next time.
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Member Since: 3/26/2012
Posts: 37,592
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jackson
I got fefe to stan playing it in dub a few nights ago  |
This taste >>
I've never actually heard a full Miranda album  Basically only a few singles.
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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thanks huga for posting more
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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Quote:
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wanting to rip the virginity out of the other one’s ass
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Aurora in a nutshell
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dylobs
thanks huga for posting more |
Poor Batch 3 girls, they gon have to wait a while longer cause I'm taking a break now!
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Member Since: 9/16/2011
Posts: 50,981
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jackson
I haven't listened to any of it, and I keep meaning to but the length is so daunting  |
Yeah, that's the downside to a double album.
The first half was nice. The opening track "Runnin' Just In Case" is phenomenal. 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dylobs
Aurora in a nutshell
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I lol'd at that line 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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Member Since: 3/15/2013
Posts: 6,659
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Quote:
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This can be picked up, and I’m sure you’re a fast learner, so once you get that down, I’m sure we will be seeing great things from you. You obviously have the ideas, which is the hardest part of being a writer if you ask me.
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Well, would esteemed, world-renowned, Platinum Hit judge Hugamari lie?
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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Quote:
Originally posted by keshaspearsxo
If you do you'll never know about it #enigma
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My third eye is open
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Member Since: 1/5/2014
Posts: 10,002
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I'm mad at myself for submitting that thing. Seriously  terrible
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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Quote:
Originally posted by Legacy
I'm mad at myself for submitting that thing. Seriously terrible |
It's R1, there's no shame in submitting your worst. Submit your SOTY next round 
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Member Since: 2/7/2014
Posts: 3,371
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Quote:
Originally posted by keshaspearsxo
My third eye is open
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He's starting batch 3 and gonna post em all at once yall
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Member Since: 8/17/2013
Posts: 15,907
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enigma pop star is fun, she wears burka for fashion
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 15,127
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Quote:
Originally posted by keshaspearsxo
My third eye is open
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This reminds me of that creepy ass Prince Twitter Avatar
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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Temporal omfg it's so small
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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Dylobs has a scarred chode
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