tw: ****ing stupidI just wrote my first set of lyrics in a really long time! It's for a song called
Wrongfully Born. Basically the story behind it is that I was talking to someone (specifically someone who's many years older than I am) and they told me ever since they were three years old, they felt they were "wrongfully born," to use their words. The idea of that broke my heart, but in a way I felt I could empathize. For a few years now I've just felt like there's something horrible about me. Whether it be my body or my sexuality, I just feel like there's so much wrong with me that makes me completely unlovable. At my darkest moments I wonder if I, too, am "wrongfully born." Sometimes, I just feel like a total drain to everyone and everything around me.
To put it a little more simply, the song is just about being insecure and in a really dark place. I wanted to keep the lines simple, literal and brutal, saying things I'm afraid to actually tell people out loud without hiding behind big words or fancy imagery which is what I used to always do. I've realized very recently that every time I talk about myself and actually relate it to myself in my mind, I break out in tears. Which, like, a) mess. But b) I think it's because I never truly make that relation. With this song I wanted to own up these horrible feelings of self-hate instead of hiding them.
I think all of this is something that lots of people can relate to and empathize with. Why are we alive? Is our existence worth it, or are we just hurting the world around us? How do we come to terms with our fatal flaws? Can we ever be happy?
After all this build-up I don't think I'm going to post the lyrics yet because they lose a lot of their power without the melody and stuff.
But maybe I'll play it on the piano this weekend and record it.
