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Discussion: Coming Out Support
Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 3,830
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I applaud your courage. 
Other than that, I guess it's probably best if you wait and let that sink in for her. If you have more courage, argue with her about it so that she sees it's completely natural and fine. Best wishes! 
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 5,048
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Don't blame her being a gay Christian from Nigeria is the worst thing that can ever happen to you and your family,she'll be ostracized and shamed for being a bad parent the backlash will be insane.Even if She Wants to accept you the people around her won't let her,just give her time to process everything,and if she's still in denial ignore her and live your life.
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 2,182
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Maybe u should think of how to deal if she kick u out of the house (if u don't live separately already)
Others said it already that u should take it slowly..maybe show her positive portrayals of gay people?
It is kinda hard to argue with a dedicated believer tho..it would've been easier if she wasn't cuz u could've tried to talk to her about researched and proved info on homosexuality (that it's normal)
...maybe tell her that u are happy and don't have anything against living that way? and that if she loves u, she should support u and only care if u are happy with yourself instead of looking at a belief (which half of the believers don't even believe that homosexuality is wrong) or the approval of other people.
Stay strong.I hope everything work out for u
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 2,757
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Some of the advice here is horrible 
Honestly, only you know your mother best. The fact she says she loves you is a good sign. It's mainly her religious beliefs that are keeping her in denial, in her own way, she only wants the best for you. You need to give her time and try to educate her, on the fact that it's not a choice. Don't mock or belittle her religious beliefs, it would only worsen the situation. Remember that she's been taught one thing for (I'm assuming) most her life, you coming out may cause her to question her very belief system. Instead try to use it to convince her. Christianity is all about love.
It won't be easy, and it will take time. All I can wish you is luck. 
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 3,578
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I'm gonna tell you what i did
when i came out my mom basically reacted the same way saying "we can fix you" and "We can get help"
she was completely ignorant to this subject
so i broke down crying and told her "you're saying something is wrong with me, but there's nothing wrong with me, i love myself for who i am. For years you spoke bad about gay people infront of me and how do you think it made me feel, how unloved do you think i felt, you as a parent failed me in that aspect. you made me feel like i was broken"
and she was in complete shock that i said that and told me she loved me no matter what.. it took her about 2 years to finally see that its normal and now she even buys me pride flags and ****
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Member Since: 6/19/2012
Posts: 29,579
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Quote:
Originally posted by Tsuko
You've got basically two options.
1. Pretend to be straight your whole life to make your parents happy. Marry a woman, have children, etc. (it is possible for gay men to have sex with women and impregnate them, even if you don't enjoy the sex and might have to fantasise about something else whilst you do it). This may shock you, but millions of gay men all over the world have no choice but to do this.
2. Be gay, upset your parents. In this case I'd recommend trying to move out ASAP and get a job so you're financially independent. You may lose contact with your parents, but at least you can have sex with men and fulfil your sexual desires to the fullest.
I guess there are other options as well. For example, one is that you could lie and tell your mom "You're right, I'm not really gay", and then pretend to be straight your whole life and have sex with men but in secret to make sure your parents never find out.
Another option is to try and force your mom to accept homosexuality (you could do this by calling her homophobic and outing her homophobia to all her friends to humiliate her into accepting you, or you could do something more extreme like tell her that you will commit suicide if she doesn't accept you for who you are, and that will probably work).
I wish you best. This is a very difficult situation for you, and my heart goes out to you. Your mom is a horrible, horrible, evil person, you are so unlucky to be her son. You need to think very hard about what path you will take, as it's potentially life changing. Pretending to be straight might help sustain your relationship with your family, but you will have a lifetime of misery due to never being sexually fulfilled. I guess at the end of the day the choice comes down to sex, or your family (or you could try the option of pretending to be straight but having sex and relationships with men in secret like most gay men in human history (and many current gay men in muslims countries, Russia, etc.) have had to do, that way you could potentially keep your parents happy and still have sex and relationships with men).
Good luck. I can't imagine how you're feeling right now.  |
uh
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Member Since: 3/6/2014
Posts: 13,604
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First things first, Mothers are NOT ALWAYS RIGHT. Do what would BENEFIT YOU and not her, I don't know how old you are or if you live with your Mom, but once you move out, you'll have a lot of freedom.
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Member Since: 4/12/2012
Posts: 10,997
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Quote:
Originally posted by Bad Blood
She doesn't love you sis... No matter how close she is to you, you need to keep toxic people like her out of your life. You deserve an accepting environment and not her.
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Not sure why everyone is dragging you. You are completely right.
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Member Since: 4/5/2014
Posts: 3,523
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Religion and Homosexuality... not a great combination specially Nigerian people,they are very narrow minded
I'd try to talk with her face to face,she doesn't seem angry(which is a good sing),but she doesn't accept your homosexuality.
If i was in your place, i'd try to explain to her that homosexuality is not a choice,you were born that way,it doesn't change anything you are still the same person she loves,it's just that you are attracted to men
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Member Since: 3/22/2012
Posts: 40,939
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Quote:
Originally posted by Tsuko
You've got basically two options.
1. Pretend to be straight your whole life to make your parents happy. Marry a woman, have children, etc. (it is possible for gay men to have sex with women and impregnate them, even if you don't enjoy the sex and might have to fantasise about something else whilst you do it). This may shock you, but millions of gay men all over the world have no choice but to do this.
2. Be gay, upset your parents. In this case I'd recommend trying to move out ASAP and get a job so you're financially independent. You may lose contact with your parents, but at least you can have sex with men and fulfil your sexual desires to the fullest.
I guess there are other options as well. For example, one is that you could lie and tell your mom "You're right, I'm not really gay", and then pretend to be straight your whole life and have sex with men but in secret to make sure your parents never find out.
Another option is to try and force your mom to accept homosexuality (you could do this by calling her homophobic and outing her homophobia to all her friends to humiliate her into accepting you, or you could do something more extreme like tell her that you will commit suicide if she doesn't accept you for who you are, and that will probably work).
I wish you best. This is a very difficult situation for you, and my heart goes out to you. Your mom is a horrible, horrible, evil person, you are so unlucky to be her son. You need to think very hard about what path you will take, as it's potentially life changing. Pretending to be straight might help sustain your relationship with your family, but you will have a lifetime of misery due to never being sexually fulfilled. I guess at the end of the day the choice comes down to sex, or your family (or you could try the option of pretending to be straight but having sex and relationships with men in secret like most gay men in human history (and many current gay men in muslims countries, Russia, etc.) have had to do, that way you could potentially keep your parents happy and still have sex and relationships with men).
Good luck. I can't imagine how you're feeling right now. |
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/31/2013
Posts: 13,827
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Quote:
Originally posted by Tsuko
You've got basically two options.
1. Pretend to be straight your whole life to make your parents happy. Marry a woman, have children, etc. (it is possible for gay men to have sex with women and impregnate them, even if you don't enjoy the sex and might have to fantasise about something else whilst you do it). This may shock you, but millions of gay men all over the world have no choice but to do this.
2. Be gay, upset your parents. In this case I'd recommend trying to move out ASAP and get a job so you're financially independent. You may lose contact with your parents, but at least you can have sex with men and fulfil your sexual desires to the fullest.
I guess there are other options as well. For example, one is that you could lie and tell your mom "You're right, I'm not really gay", and then pretend to be straight your whole life and have sex with men but in secret to make sure your parents never find out.
Another option is to try and force your mom to accept homosexuality (you could do this by calling her homophobic and outing her homophobia to all her friends to humiliate her into accepting you, or you could do something more extreme like tell her that you will commit suicide if she doesn't accept you for who you are, and that will probably work).
I wish you best. This is a very difficult situation for you, and my heart goes out to you. Your mom is a horrible, horrible, evil person, you are so unlucky to be her son. You need to think very hard about what path you will take, as it's potentially life changing. Pretending to be straight might help sustain your relationship with your family, but you will have a lifetime of misery due to never being sexually fulfilled. I guess at the end of the day the choice comes down to sex, or your family (or you could try the option of pretending to be straight but having sex and relationships with men in secret like most gay men in human history (and many current gay men in muslims countries, Russia, etc.) have had to do, that way you could potentially keep your parents happy and still have sex and relationships with men).
Good luck. I can't imagine how you're feeling right now. |
Wtf is this? Delete this.
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It's nice to see that she at least makes it a point to say she loves you (even if it is through a bunch of delusional posts), but maybe you and your sister need to sit down with her and have a talk about everything. Hopefully this is all just a big shock to her right now and she's in disbelief and she'll come around eventually and be able to accept you for who you are.  Stay strong, hun. I know this isn't easy.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 8,150
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Quote:
Originally posted by Pharaoh
Don't know why yall are getting upset over this post, especially on ATRL where the vast majority is clearly anti-homophobic. It's true. If you can't be accepting of your own child over something as natural as sexuality, you obviously don't love them unconditionally.  |
Do you realize how Africa parents work? 
My parents are African as well and they love me dearly and show me that everyday BUT homosexuality is TABOO, in not only religion but culture. Most African parents are very socially conservative and to think that she'll react like 'oh honey, Live your life, I'm supportive of you being gay' is clearly just being delusional.
His mother absolutely loves him but again this is an African parent and they aren't going to come around in 1 day, are you european? I see them behaving much more differently over there.
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Member Since: 8/24/2008
Posts: 35,091
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Wooo
When I saw that she was Nigerian I immediately started to pray for you.
God Speed.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 8,079
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She'll never accept who you are. I'm sorry, but someone had to say this. Just read the 1st couple of sentences of her text. An absolute mess.
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Member Since: 11/27/2010
Posts: 9,806
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 5,825
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Oh my god, I'm so heartbroken 
As many others in this thread have already said, she's clearly in denial. Something that a lot of people fail to realize is that a lot of parents develop notions and envision how their children's lives will be from the moment that they are born. I got that feeling from her saying that she prayed to God for a son and you came along. I think that she's in shock because she envisioned you getting married and having children within a whole heterosexual situation (Idk how to explain this but I hope some of you get, I'm tired af rn) and by you telling her that you're gay, those dreams and hopes that she had for you are things that she feels as though have been threatened and will not come into fruition.
I honestly think that you should give it some time and if you're still staying at home, try not to bring it up as much. I know that the latter part of the sentence above will sound as though I'm saying that you should deny yourself/not be your true self but I think that from the messages, it is quite evident that things aren't going to go as smoothly as you hoped they would
Wishing you luck and sending you so so much love 
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Member Since: 2/7/2009
Posts: 2,781
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As a first action I would watch Prayers For Bobby with her.
I don't know if you watched this, but it's exactly the same reaction. And the process the mother is going through should be the same to your mother (without you killing yourself)
Anyway. Give her time... it's not easy for them.
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Member Since: 6/22/2012
Posts: 26,585
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Quote:
Originally posted by Tsuko
You've got basically two options.
1. Pretend to be straight your whole life to make your parents happy. Marry a woman, have children, etc. (it is possible for gay men to have sex with women and impregnate them, even if you don't enjoy the sex and might have to fantasise about something else whilst you do it). This may shock you, but millions of gay men all over the world have no choice but to do this.
2. Be gay, upset your parents. In this case I'd recommend trying to move out ASAP and get a job so you're financially independent. You may lose contact with your parents, but at least you can have sex with men and fulfil your sexual desires to the fullest.
I guess there are other options as well. For example, one is that you could lie and tell your mom "You're right, I'm not really gay", and then pretend to be straight your whole life and have sex with men but in secret to make sure your parents never find out.
Another option is to try and force your mom to accept homosexuality (you could do this by calling her homophobic and outing her homophobia to all her friends to humiliate her into accepting you, or you could do something more extreme like tell her that you will commit suicide if she doesn't accept you for who you are, and that will probably work).
I wish you best. This is a very difficult situation for you, and my heart goes out to you. Your mom is a horrible, horrible, evil person, you are so unlucky to be her son. You need to think very hard about what path you will take, as it's potentially life changing. Pretending to be straight might help sustain your relationship with your family, but you will have a lifetime of misery due to never being sexually fulfilled. I guess at the end of the day the choice comes down to sex, or your family (or you could try the option of pretending to be straight but having sex and relationships with men in secret like most gay men in human history (and many current gay men in muslims countries, Russia, etc.) have had to do, that way you could potentially keep your parents happy and still have sex and relationships with men).
Good luck. I can't imagine how you're feeling right now. |
I mean, there were was like, almost a half-valid point in your post, but the complete idiocy of you simply equating homosexuality to 'sex'.
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 2,208
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Quote:
Originally posted by Planet Mars
Do you realize how Africa parents work?
My parents are African as well and they love me dearly and show me that everyday BUT homosexuality is TABOO, in not only religion but culture. Most African parents are very socially conservative and to think that she'll react like 'oh honey, Live your life, I'm supportive of you being gay' is clearly just being delusional.
His mother absolutely loves him but again this is an African parent and they aren't going to come around in 1 day, are you european? I see them behaving much more differently over there. |
I don't care if they're African, European, Australian or from Venus. I definitely understand their culture is different than the liberal west but I still think if you can't just accept your child for who he/she is and how he/she was born, and try to change them, you don't love your child. No matter your race, which shouldn't be an excuse.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 4,446
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Just give her time. She may come around to it, it's just ignorance at this point.
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