[Temporal]

Originally posted by Tylerbv

I'm assuming that's Ariana
She has exactly 0 good lyrics

[swiftie13]

https://soundcloud.com/hrjr/clearest-blue


stream this while I'm finishing my first batch of reviews

EDIT:


Please

[Ventitonic]

Originally posted by Tylerbv

I'm assuming that's Ariana
She has exactly 0 good lyrics

No shade but aren't you a lowkey Megham stan?

[MattyTacos]

4. MattyTacos - Bloodlines
Victim
"And hanged on every word he said" made my skin crawl, fix it fat. "Maybe I wanna die" was just screaming "angsty" and in a really cringey way, and the play on it in the second verse wasn't much better; you shouldn't have been so direct and forward with it. You needed to capitalize more on the "bloodlines" idea, or should've saved it for a later challenge, because here, it fell flat. I was sorta confused by the "kids" line the bridge; I didn't get that you "hated" your love interest, rather just that he ~~hated~~ you, so I'm not sure how two gays would genetically pass on the hatred to their kids? I'm sure there's something I'm missing there, but I thought I'd point it out. Anyways, you shined here when you used creative lines and language - the pre-chorus, the "bloodlines" hook, and the "myself / else" couplet - but fell flat with "survive / life" and "time / inside". The piece as a whole felt disconnected stylistically because you had some instances of familar rhymes and language, and then some really intuitive lines as well. It's hard for me to pin down what's holding you back on an overall level from week-to-week, since the issues seem to change on that basis. I suppose hitting harder on your concepts and honing in on your own original style would help you more in the long-run.

The song is not about a love interest. It's about an abusive past with my parent. Hense the bloodlines line and the bridge being about inheriting traits, etc. I thought that was obvious, ddd. But, what kinda Xtina tea about not knowing whether the song is about her dad or ex-lover. But, mess, maybe I lost my magic. Hopefully, if I make it to next week (seems unlikely tho) I can improve upon my concepts/style again.

[Tylerbv]

Originally posted by Ventitonic

No shade but aren't you a lowkey Megham stan?

[Temporal]

4 more reviews left, yay

[MattyTacos]

Originally posted by Tylerbv

I'm assuming that's Ariana
She has exactly 0 good lyrics

Delete this before I delete you

[swiftie13]

1. Hugamari - Father's Lullaby

I was gonna complain about the fact that this read like a children's lullaby despite its serious subject matter but then I reread your title and I see you intended for that. Well, it still felt weird, I dunno but it makes it even darker in some way. I really wasn't a fan of the linguistic style here, it felt like something was missing. You also had awkwardly worded lines all throughout the entry. I did like the story progression although it was a little predictable. I wish this week you would have gone deeper on the revenge instead of a simple stanza that almost read as a cop-out to meet the requirement. All the technicalities were technically on point but I don't know about the emotional aspect.

2. Vision - Balloon

This was as brutally honest if not more than what I had hoped for from you. Thank you for being brave enough to share this story with us. Amid the awkward and sometimes far too blunt lines (which I won't quote) there was a touching story and a very vulnerable moment in your life described so poignantly. The chorus was so short and sweet, it really pieced this entry together nicely.

3. Citrus - Empty Sky

Although this was far more general than I was hoping for, I appreciated its honesty. You have a thing for writing gut-wrenching lines. I love the chorus; "What if all the people who believe in me are wrong?" is so simple but so powerful. I will say, the difference in style between the first and second verse is a misstep. The former was verbose and AP English-y while the second one felt like regular prose. Pay attention to that next time, although you usually do a good job at keeping the attitude of your entries consistent.

4. MattyTacos - Bloodlines

This is probably my least favorite entry by you and I haven't really been a fan of recent ones. Either a line was cliche or bluntly said. I felt very little emotion (although this seems to be about your father? Something I had the potential to relate to). All the criticisms from the past weeks remain the same so I have nothing new to say.

5. NaitPhoenix - Only One

Given the subject you were given to write about, I definitely feel the emotions. There were some mildly brilliant moments here (such as the ending of the bridges and a couple one-liners). I feel like you could tighten up the structure a bit more to make the flow super smooth; although that isn't always necessary, your style lends itself to flow. The "gold lacquer" was a really awkward word choice and overall the language was pretty average but I did feel the emotion, so that's something.

6. mxtthewdelrey - One (The Happiest Place)

This was a super cute entry that at times made me feel butterflies that I don't have. "There was no one around / When my boy laid me down / And I sang myself to sleep," was such a good way to end your song. I know I fuss a lot about your style but the easy rhymes and often childish lyrics can get tiring but this one wasn't bad. I love the concept of someone being your "love cassette." I still want to see you work on incorporating your signature rhymes in more clever ways. Again, the 4th verse is probably the best thing you've written in a while.

7. CountryBritney - More Than Words

The potential I saw in you in the first few weeks of this competition has finally flourished and I am so happy about that. You did so many things right in this entry. I'll start with what I didn't like, it's easier. The middle stanza in the bridge was not needed at all (the "take this song as my apology...") as it stated what was already perfectly implied. Without that, the bridge would have hit harder. Now, I really liked the rest. The story was sown in so effortlessly and you were able to add some idiosyncrasies without disturbing the overall flow. That's difficult to do. This song is so personal and powerful. Keep this up!

[Tylerbv]

Originally posted by MattyTacos

Delete this before I delete you

delete me daddy

[Tylerbv]

I wish this weak you would have gone deeper on the revenge instead of a simple stanza that almost read as a cop-out to meet the requirement.

[swiftie13]

Originally posted by Tylerbv

delete this before I delete you

[Dylobs]

Wowowow everyone gettin dragged. It's lowkey hot.

[Hugamari]

Not Hor getting the name of my song wrong, too! I mean, since the song was in the POV of a child, it's actually a better title, but still!

[Dylobs]

CountryBritney SLAYING! I'm proud of you girl ready to snaTch the compeTiTion

[swiftie13]

I'll post batch 2 tomorrow so you have something to entertain yourselves with. I have some breaking up to do.

[CountryBritney]

Originally posted by Dylobs

CountryBritney SLAYING! I'm proud of you girl ready to snaTch the compeTiTion

Thank you!

Originally posted by Swiftie13

The potential I saw in you in the first few weeks of this competition has finally flourished and I am so happy about that. You did so many things right in this entry. I'll start with what I didn't like, it's easier. The middle stanza in the bridge was not needed at all (the "take this song as my apology...") as it stated what was already perfectly implied. Without that, the bridge would have hit harder. Now, I really liked the rest. The story was sown in so effortlessly and you were able to add some idiosyncrasies without disturbing the overall flow. That's difficult to do. This song is so personal and powerful. Keep this up!

Thank you so much

[Temporal]

I want Justin Trudeau to obliterate me

[Temporal]

(b2 reviews on next page)

[CountryBritney]

[CountryBritney]

I get so excited about reading everyone's reviews.