Quote:
Originally posted by Vision
This is racist, you will not build a wall to keep me out.
What's been happening in your life anyway?
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basically, i realized that i couldn't keep things up the way i was before. i was really frustrated with my life, but i thought i was capable of just shouldering the stress and accepting that the problems were there, but in the end, last semester proved to me that if i live that way, i totally collapse in stressful situations.
ok that was super vague. to be more specific, i've been trying to get away from a lot of the friendships i had, because in the end they were upsetting me much more often than they were making me happy, and i had already tried to fix them multiple times and never gotten anywhere. the atmosphere when i was around them was just always so judgmental that i felt like i could never be myself at all, and they always seemed to ignore me whenever i needed help. i couldn't deal with getting let down constantly.
so i've been finding new friends, which is actually a really stressful process when you have social problems. the thing with me is that trying to make new friends is a lot of effort for me, so when it goes badly, i get really disappointed and upset. so yeah, that's been a frequent cause of problems in my life, even though it's caused a lot of good times as well.
also, my medication is being adjusted. anyone who's been on psychiatric medication knows that this can piss your body off and screw you up a little. so that causes me to have pretty severe mood swings. yeah, my chemical mental state is a work in progress.
i'm also having to make new strategies for next semester to avoid a repeat of the last one, which is nerve-wracking for me because i'm not really a person that does well with change. this means i have to make preparations like looking for better counselors in the area around my campus.
in the end, a lot of my future is kind of uncertain right now, and i'm the type of person that finds that REALLY stressful. i have this constant fear that i'm going to end up a loser living in my mom's basement with no friends, and whenever i fail my mind kinda goes back to that and that thought is really scary to me. i don't want to end up like that.
/total rant
