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Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 9
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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Batch One
Quote:
Hugamari –
I think everyone involved here realizes how simple this song is. It’s fairly heavy-handed in regards to theme, but Spirited Away was also simple and heavy-handed in its emphasis on friendship and sincerity. This song isn’t trying to be any more than what it’s presented as, and I think it matches the tone of the movie. It’s a kid’s movie, after all. So while it’s definitely not the best thing I’ve read all season, it certainly fits the movie. Also enjoyed how you incorporated the climax/resolution of the film into your song without making it a spoiler. Overall, this matches Spirited Away thematically and in tone, if a little simple. It’s charming.
Moonchild –
Excellent job done. A lovely retelling of the events in the movie, without making it a laundry list of scenes. It’s handled in a delicate manner. Another nice touch is incorporation of the theme of the movie in everlasting friendship, and even working in the reveal of the movie without making it an outright spoiler. The fantasy vibes of the song also plays into the setting. It’s a perfect fit for Spirited Away, as far as I’m concerned.
Matty –
A bit too wild, and much too contemporary. I wouldn’t describe what Ann was doing as wild: she was simply curious, in awe, and only the tiniest bit mischievous. She was technically rebelling, but she always had a refined and poised manner in how she conducted herself throughout the movie. With your version of Ann, she comes off as more of a loose canon. You turn it down a notch for the second verse, but I’m not fond of how you settle for a very plain recap of the events in the movie.
I can’t really get with the diction and tone of the piece as a whole either: it’s way too contemporary. It reads like it could be a 21st century-pop starlet’s next single. You’re movie is from the Classical Era of Hollywood, it was very elegant and polished: what you wrote isn’t compatible with the movie in regards to tone, it’s not a believable fit. Styling your piece after songs of the era would’ve done you well.
Achilles. –
I enjoyed your opting for an experimental structure for this piece, I was hoping more contestants would attempt it for their soundtracks this week. You’ve clearly communicated this isn’t a pop song.
I’ll be forward and state my dislike of the actual content of your song: it’s an awkward mix of retelling the events of the movie in chronological order, along with little embellishment and straight up ambiguity in relation to the actual genre of the movie. I wouldn’t be able to tell what genre this franchise is if presented with this song, even with the events of the film being captured here. If you wanted to recount the movie (Which I think is sort of a boring interpretation of the challenge), you should’ve avoided genericizing it.
Jpow –
This is a pretty poor interpretation of the challenge, if I do say so myself. The ghosts that infest Hogwarts are such a minor part of the story (And are honestly just part of the world-building.) that latching onto them to make a song seems more like an attempt to circumvent the requirements of the challenge for a topic that’s more free, if tangentially related. You should’ve went for something more connected to the movie, a song that could’ve been scored over some extended scene.
The tone of your song is also off: the ghosts of Hogwarts seem pretty chill!
Citrus –
This piece is overall uneven in tone: some parts are comedic, others written in the classic neutral PH-tone, and others straight up somber. As this is a comedy movie, you should’ve focused more on the jovial side of things, and if you wanted to address the topic of oldness, you would’ve been better off balancing every mention with something more lighthearted. The spoken bridge and its Alzheimer’s mention/death’s embrace bit is too much.
Overall, Grown Ups is crude: I don’t think you got dirty/stupid enough to fit in with the movie. It doesn’t quite work as a “thesis” for the whole movie.
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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Damn I'm not there poor me lolololol
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ATRL Moderator
Member Since: 10/17/2011
Posts: 20,487
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I'm not in batch 1? I sent days ago wow
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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Movie-wise: Spirited Away>Roman Holiday>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Harry Potter>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Grown Ups
Quote:
Originally posted by Vision
I'm not in batch 1? I sent days ago wow
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These six all did movies I already had access to/had already seen
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 26,488
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I haven't seen Harry Potter in a while but I know there are some pivotal scenes involving the ghosts, especially Moaning Myrtle (who was the main one that inspired me) but I also wanted to keep it somewhat open so it wasn't directly tied to them and could be used in various parts of the movies (Harry's muggle scenes, the Ministry's fight over dementors, the final fight scene of the final movie, ect.)
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 26,488
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Our task wasn't to write a score though like you're suggesting in our critique, it's to write a soundtrack song and Ellie's The Mirror was given to us as an example. That's what route I went, a little more open and not so directly connected to one specific scene or plot.
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ATRL Moderator
Member Since: 10/17/2011
Posts: 20,487
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I can't remember any ghosts in HP except that one in the painting who lets you in the dorm
Idk I'm not really a fan tho
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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8th really went to town on y'all  I promise I'll send nudes if 8th is nice; they won't be mine, of course.
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ATRL Moderator
Member Since: 10/17/2011
Posts: 20,487
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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You were supposed to write about the 2001 movie, not the franchise. Just checked, and Moaning Myrtle is in the 2002 movie. Also:
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The connection between the song and movie should be apparent in this case.
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I also thought the Ellie example was kind of a not-so-good example, so urmmmmm
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 21,143
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Next time I'll throw in some more dick jokes for you
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ATRL Moderator
Member Since: 10/17/2011
Posts: 20,487
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Quote:
Originally posted by Citrus
Next time I'll throw in some more dick jokes for you
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Self-deprecating humour is the best.
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 21,143
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I guess it's hard bc I used Grown Ups because I wanted to challenge myself and do funny parts (literally both verses are all jokey) but not just have a song full of Adam Sandler jokes? Like I tried to make some connection to the parts of aging the film didn't have the sophistication to address.
What I get from your critique is that Grown Ups is a ******, stupid movie and I should've written a song like that.
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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WAit, Moonchild and I got nice reviews from 8th  Thanks king of judging!
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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Quote:
Originally posted by Citrus
What I get from your critique is that Grown Ups is a ******, stupid movie
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Well, yah
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 21,143
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UGH the storyline editors better be setting me up for a comeback arc
I'm gonna go drink my feelings away and then write a TRITE, CLICHE SONG ABOUT IT
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 26,488
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Quote:
Originally posted by 8thPrince
You were supposed to write about the 2001 movie, not the franchise. Just checked, and Moaning Myrtle is in the 2002 movie
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That wasn't apparent in the challenge post, it just said "Harry Potter" and not "Harry Potter & The Sorcerers Stone" so I was guessing we could write about any part of the franchise. It's totally possible that this was an oversight by me because it did have the year but that was my thought about it at least.
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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I feel Ill get similar critiques to Achilles.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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Quote:
Originally posted by jpow
That wasn't apparent in the challenge post, it just said "Harry Potter" and not "Harry Potter & The Sorcerers Stone" so I was guessing we could write about any part of the franchise.
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All the movies had dates giving the version you were supposed to write for, sorry jpow 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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poor me and me always submitting close to last
I feel like im going to get dragged for being basic
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