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Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 9
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 4/3/2014
Posts: 18,319
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dylobs
OOTW is lowkey bottom 3 of 19K89  along with WTNY and IKP |
Get tatste, babe
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ATRL Moderator
Member Since: 10/17/2011
Posts: 20,487
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OOTW is one of the worst on 1989! Good video (inspired by Behind These Hazel Eyes) though.
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Member Since: 2/4/2014
Posts: 7,207
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 14,512
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Quote:
Originally posted by ceremonials
You probs would've made it past r2 this year 
And thanks for.following me back on Twitter, rat  |
Wait are you @madonnatwt?
I didn't follow back cuz their account was weird.
EDIT -
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Originally posted by @madonnatwt
#VMAs are as relevant as @ladygaga's career.
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That's def not you. I think you followed the wrong account. 
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 7,250
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Member Since: 8/31/2013
Posts: 21,462
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dylobs
OOTW is lowkey bottom 3 of 19K89 along with WTNY and IKP |
WTNY and IKP are bottom 2, but OOTW is top 5.
(The last anti-trinity song is SIO.)
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 26,488
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The only good song in 1989 is the one she did with Imogen Heap.
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 14,512
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The best song on 1989 is I Wish You Would.
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ATRL Moderator
Member Since: 10/17/2011
Posts: 20,487
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Member Since: 2/4/2014
Posts: 7,207
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Quote:
Originally posted by jpow
The only good song in 1989 is the one she did with Imogen Heap.
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Clean, Bad Blood, All You Had To Do Was Stay and Wildest Dreams are mainly the four tracks I use
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 26,488
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Let me respond to this,
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Originally posted by Jackson
The first verse was the definition of ARTPOP, take that how you will. I know you were struggling with choosing a label this week and it doesn’t really feel like you ever chose one. I don’t really see how this fit’s 8th’s label description at all apart from being “creative” in an extremely literal sense. As a song it wasn’t bad. You had some cool imagery and the flow was there for the most part, ignoring a few minor mistakes such as the stressing in the “terrace” line. This didn’t really feel like something you put your heart into, and the whole song felt a bit awkward. There was little movement in the song, and the bridge was filler when it could have provided a new, more interesting view on the song.
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The chose 8ths label for this because I was trying to use ideas in the song that haven't been done much (the comparison to the paintings) and I was also trying to keep it light hearted so it could still attract the young audience that 8ths label has. I was trying to channel 1D with the chorus and the bridge, but then up the quality in the verses. It didn't really come across that well (probably for my better too) but at least that's where the goal was.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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Horlianthus
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Hugamari –
Wait isn’t this Thecheetahwing’s formatting
I felt that the characters in your story were too flat. The bastard child simply feels inferior and hates life, and the parents demonstrate cartoonish levels of religious zealotry. They specifically read like the evil stepmothers from fairy tales and such. While you somewhat have a plot here, the characters just aren’t strong enough to get us invested in it. What caused the parents to put religion above family is one question that should’ve been explored, I feel like.
Not sure if this was the best concept for Hor’s label. While it tells a story, it’s not something that is universal, something that many people could identify with.
Matty –
Starts off with solid meter, descends into sloppiness. Especially strange is the chorus, which uses couplets, but starting on the even lines, which makes the most important part of your song read as stilted. Even if it was purposeful, there’s no real effect that’s achieved with it.
You’re sort of telling a story, but you’re leaving out the most compelling, and frankly obvious, part: what caused these two people to drift apart? The song you’ve presented is a bit more juvenile of a viewpoint, and I don’t feel it gets to the strong storywriting component that Hor was asking for.
Achilles –
“I don't need superpowers or fame//Just want folks to remember my name”: this line encapsulates the lack of focus in your piece this week. You’re trying to balance two conflicting wants, and I don’t think they’re reconcilable. Your character feels inadequate, but doesn’t want to be recognized as exceptional: it’s not a very believable motivation. Narrowing down from examining your entire song, the rhymes you strung together were fairly labored, for the most part.
I don’t really get the sense of a story, rather than a single desire being explored. I don’t think this was a good fit for Hor’s label.
Ceremonials –
I can take a ten minute break from judging. Thanks!
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 26,488
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Quote:
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Originally posted by 8thPrince
Not sure if this was the best concept for Hor’s label.
I don’t feel it gets to the strong storywriting component that Hor was asking for.
I don’t think this was a good fit for Hor’s label.
I can take a ten minute break from judging.
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ATRL Moderator
Member Since: 10/17/2011
Posts: 20,487
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I just realised that Moonbitch sent me her song but never replied to mine.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 13,381
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Quote:
Matty –
Starts off with solid meter, descends into sloppiness. Especially strange is the chorus, which uses couplets, but starting on the even lines, which makes the most important part of your song read as stilted. Even if it was purposeful, there’s no real effect that’s achieved with it.
You’re sort of telling a story, but you’re leaving out the most compelling, and frankly obvious, part: what caused these two people to drift apart? The song you’ve presented is a bit more juvenile of a viewpoint, and I don’t feel it gets to the strong storywriting component that Hor was asking for.
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Yeah, I see what you mean about the storytelling component, which is quite ironic that this song lacked it considering usually all my songs have some form of storytelling in it.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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Railroad
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Buyonce –
I feel like you went to extremes to give off the vibe of an Americana song, and GOOD. I wanted to see people write songs that would actually fit for their artists, which was the entire point of the challenge this week, not writing songs for yourself.
I liked the Huckleberry Finn-ness of the first verse and prechorus, and wish that style might have been extended throughout the entire song. Rehashing the “life is a highway” metaphor was definitely a mistake, and name-checking southern states and especially “southern hospitality” made the bridge the weakest point of your song, when it should’ve gotten us excited for the final chorus. You moved a bit too far into trying to establish a country feel, and it came off as kitschy there.
Your overarching concept works for Jackson’s label, I feel. Well done with the challenge aspect of this week.
Tylerbv –
Awesome concept. Retellings of crimes make for a really interesting song. I like the detail work in the song: mentioning the time the robbery occurs, as well as the parallelism between the changing choruses. I also like the twist ending. Overall, this is a song deserving of a 9 or 10 score.
…If it was any other week. You were so close to capturing what Jackson was looking for: tales of crime and treachery are totally in Forrest Bird’s wheelhouse, but you messed up his character. Forrest Bird is trying to not project a weak image. He wouldn’t be the nervous accomplice, he’d be the instigator. He’d also not betray his partner unless he was planning to do so from the very beginning: it’s simply not chivalrous or cunning, which is what Forrest Bird and the southern gentleman’s way is all about. You got close to fitting Jackson’s label, but the misrepresentation of Bird’s character might be your folly.
Jaxswim –
I’m not going to beat around the bush: I think you wildly missed what Jackson is looking for. He wanted more classic country, and you gave an awful hybrid of modern bro-country and hip-hop. Mentions of “bad bitches”, “Chevys”, the entire second verse, and just the generally unpleasant and ungentlemanly tone of the piece are uncharacteristic of his artist. You could’ve avoided this had you looked deeper into the genres Jackson was looking for.
Moonchild –
I like that you tried to push yourself and go to extremes. I can tell you switched things up specifically for this challenge, and that’s what I want to see.
This is a fairly sexy, if cheesy, song. I like the Western references, and how consistently they’re applied. This honestly feels like something I would write! I think this was really well done.
The only problem is it reminds me of a song I would write. A pop song that’s spiced up with a different motif, and Americana music runs deeper than references as casual as this. You needed a distinctly Country concept to write about if you want to tackle the genre, and this is a bit too gimmicky as a simple sex jam. It could easily be a track done by any given pop starlet, and I think that shouldn’t happen when you truly commit to writing something for Forrest Bird.
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Member Since: 3/26/2012
Posts: 37,592
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Wait, my song would have been a 9 or a 10? 
I thought about the song not fitting the label super well, but then I thought the robbery element mixed with betrayal put out a vibe of strength and independence.
Hopefully that doesn't bring me down too much 
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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Quote:
Originally posted by Vision
I just realised that Moonbitch sent me her song but never replied to mine.
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Check your inbox!
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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Quote:
Moonchild –
I like that you tried to push yourself and go to extremes. I can tell you switched things up specifically for this challenge, and that’s what I want to see.
This is a fairly sexy, if cheesy, song. I like the Western references, and how consistently they’re applied. This honestly feels like something I would write! I think this was really well done.
The only problem is it reminds me of a song I would write. A pop song that’s spiced up with a different motif, and Americana music runs deeper than references as casual as this. You needed a distinctly Country concept to write about if you want to tackle the genre, and this is a bit too gimmicky as a simple sex jam. It could easily be a track done by any given pop starlet, and I think that shouldn’t happen when you truly commit to writing something for Forrest Bird.
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Thank you for the review. 8th. Are you judging by how well the songs fit the label, though? Because, for the bolded part, Jackson said:
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This seems like something I would write, and I like that. It’s basically exactly what I was looking for conceptually and the execution is fairly strong.
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