[ceremonials]

Flawed logic. Hints gives them promo!

[Jaxswim]

Hints pls

[swiftie13]

Fine, let me work on them rn

[Dylobs]

Dylobs – The Tell Tale Heart
I SCREAMED at the G.U.Y video link . Yeah but that line was terrible. I was getting some weird Dahmer vibes from this, and ignoring what I said in the dubtrack, there’s only so far you can go in a dark song without it going overboard. This felt a little too dark, as if it was dark for the sake of having a shock factor to elicit some cheap emotion. I kind of wish you had kept the themes in the first verse out altogether, because otherwise the song was a strong retelling of the Edgar Allen Poe poem. The song did suffer from quite a few awkward rhymes, but compared to your last two entries it was less tragic overall.

The one thing that I find interesting about this review is that, even though I agree that some parts were a mess, it's strange that you think this is less tragic overall than my first entry when my first entry was in your top 10

[Jackson]

I'll probably just do hints for anyone that got a 7 or above because I gave like 5-10 people 7's and only 3 people a score above that

[ceremonials]

Originally posted by swiftie13

Fine, let me work on them rn

Dad

So we'll be getting hints from everyone this round

[Jackson]

HiNTS


8

I think you need a wake-up call

you make missteps by voicing thoughts that they wouldn't have

_____________________


7.5

this is how you implement an unusual structure: you use it consistently

_____________________

7

It's a bit too goody-goody

it made your song appear more complicated than it really was

To put this bluntly, I want you to learn how to focus your songs

I'm knocking you for lack of rhyme scheme and ambiguous structuring/flow

I'm hoping for something a bit more extreme

I feel like this shuts your audience out

The introductory stanza is pretty unnecessary

[ceremonials]

I think the only one that would apply to me is the focus one? Idk

[Jaxswim]

Are these snippets of past critiques maybe?

[Hugamari]

"this is how you implement an unusual structure: you use it consistently" This was a review for someone. I don't remember who, but I'm assuming if you were told one of these things in the past, you're in these hints.

That means I'm not OOPS

[Jaxswim]

Originally posted by Hugamari

"this is how you implement an unusual structure: you use it consistently" This was a review for someone. I don't remember who, but I'm assuming if you were told one of these things in the past, you're in these hints.

That means I'm not OOPS

I thiiink it's probably a bit more complicated than just whoever got the review is who he's referring to, but I'm 90% sure they're snippets of past critiques. Hm...

[Jackson]

Originally posted by Jaxswim

Are these snippets of past critiques maybe?

ThaT's iT

[Jaxswim]

Luckily I've saved every critique I've ever gotten so lemme pull them up!

[URBAN]

29. Urban - Momma

The title gives me Tupac teas. Also, I can drag as hard as I want, This entry reminds me a lot of Citrus' "To," last round but without the same emotional response. However, it was still very sad and I'm sorry if this actually happened. Some of the language was, I dunno, impersonal and cliche to work here. "Emotions run high," and "same day, different battle," didn't work for me. But lines like "12 years old wondering why / Momma's not here to kiss me goodnight" and "Momma I'm trying to put up a fight / But the strength I had, left with you in July" made me really feel what you were going for. Rap entries tend to be filled with easy rhymes, and this was no exception. Sometimes they help with the flow but here, I felt like you could have chosen stronger language. Nonetheless, it's a very solid entry.

Thank you hor. If I stay in for another round, I'll def take all you've said into consideration.

[swiftie13]

HOR'S HINTS

- I, for one, was more impressed by the emotion than the actual language used

- OK, my review is not gonna help you improve at all or whatever.

- The flow was easy breezy albeit peppered with easy rhymes.

- There was a lot of personality in this and I appreciate that...

- This wasn't your best entry, but I definitely feel like this is only the beginning for you.

- This was not a concise as it could have been.

- The beginning was also A LOT like Taylor Swift's Enchanted.

- Also, I don't know about you, but the last time I checked the Moon wasn't really made out of cheese so I don't know where the gold moonlight comes from, it's usually always silver-y in my experience.

- The message was very relatable, though, and it resonated with me, especially the pre chorus.

- The first verse and the chorus were redundant.

- This feels very Dangerous Woman-y but without the sick beats to help you.

- The title gives me Tupac teas.

- I do love the chorus, in my head it sounds like a bop with a powerful melody.

- I see that you said you rushed this; you didn't have to tell us for it was rather obvious.

- Gee, I wonder what your type is based on the title!

- I expect a lengthy song like this to go somewhere, but it's rather redundant in its message.

- Anyway, your actual song didn't impress me either.

- Literally every line was a zinger.

- What's did you do?

- While I liked the concept, the execution was rather pedestrian.

- I felt the rush of the ocean while reading both verses, and while the language was plain, it was well used.

- Is this about this Edison character foretelling incestuous relations between his sister and himself?

- "A cotton bag of self-loathing" sorry for laughing but that could have been worded better.

- Did I find this lyrical? No. Was this very well written? Yes. [/BernieSanders].

- "The devil's butterfly, it violates my mind," and the chorus are the only stains in your entry to be honest.

- Is Havey a closest gay who won't let you love him?

- It was so well written and the image this painted on my mind was incredibly serene and precise.

- This is pure lyricism at its finest to be honest.

- This is from the point of view of a house, yes? Well, you pulled it off really well.

- The amount of imagery was perfect, it wasn't too little nor too much.

[Hugamari]

NVM I'm in the 7s, the goody-goody one was for 8th's review of my R1 song.

And the first one in Hor's hints is mine because that was from his review of my song this round.

[swiftie13]

Mess at Jackson and I using the same method of using our reviews

[Dylobs]

30. Dylobs - The Tell Tale Heart

"A cotton bag of self-loathing" sorry for laughing but that could have been worded better. It made me laugh and this song is about murder. Also, it's "lest I forget," not "less." This entry had wonderful story telling (and did you reference the Edgar Allan Poe work?) Well you did a good job at summarizing the story, not much else. From the constant switching of tenses to the plain language (a reverse your last entry tea), it fell very flat. Some things were far too blunt, such as "I chose to hide him in the closet." Work on more clever ways to word phrases. That's what helps with poignancy. Also, a lot of the lines were filler and it could have been condensed. The length sort of diluted its effect.

Thanks Swiftie AGH I hate that I went from one end of the writing spectrum (excessive language) to the other (basic language). Could you also show me where I switched tenses cause I read through my entry so many times to double check that and I can't at me missing obvious things?

[Jaxswim]

I'm assuming I'm in Jackson's hints unless it's ENTIRELY Batch 2 since he said I was the best in Batch 1 but... I have no idea which one is me

[Hugamari]

Originally posted by Jaxswim

I'm assuming I'm in Jackson's hints unless it's ENTIRELY Batch 2 since he said I was the best in Batch 1 but... I have no idea which one is me

I'm in his hints I'm pretty sure, so it's not just batch two.