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I feel awkward that this was dedicated to the deceased member because I don't really like this.
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I also don't see how this applies to songwriting. As a judge, you're supposed to judge
the song NOT something which I did because I wanted to honour someone that I admired on here.
Honestly, I'm lowkey annoyed since I feel like my song wasn't judged as seriously (might be the wrong word) as the others especially since the subject matter is about death and obviously holds a personal connection.
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However, the message was nice.
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To dismiss everything and say "but the message is nice" does nothing for me. I guess I'm glad that you somewhat understood my message. It was from the perspective of someone who had died but wants to - you guessed it! -
Return to Earth.
I'm in the corner of your room, barely standing
You're only a few steps away but I'm terrified
It's a miracle but I somehow cannot bear
To watch you smile and live as if I were never there
The wolves are howling, waiting to prey on my heart
The walls surround me, they're closing in with the dark
The realisation hit me that you tears will dry
And that I'll be left here to die a thousand more times
As you can here see above - in my second verse - if anyone cannot understand
that message then that's your problem.
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Despite its length, this felt like it was quickly put together without any editing nor second thoughts.
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My song isn't even that long unless my idea of "long" is warped
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It felt too poem-y due to the lack of structure.
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There is a structure but I guess I need to work on that too. Everything feels too "poem-y" nowadays. I was actually worried that my lyrics were too basic and not "poem-y" enough. I guess I thought wrong
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Nothing held this together, except maybe the storytelling which could have been expanded on.
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Thanks for liking the storytelling! I do agree that that could've been fleshed out a little more but that would've made my song longer ff
I know I sound SUPER pressed but I'd rather let off some steam now than keep it bottled up
I appreciate that you guys take the time to give me feedback and tell me what I need to work on but I also need you guys to appreciate the time I invest into writing my song instead of assuming what I have done during the creative process based on the finished product
Her shiny is 