Member Since: 2/4/2014
Posts: 7,207
|
Quote:
|
Originally posted by Temporal
10. mxtthewdelrey - Prayer Pose
The improvement, my god! This was a really fun piece, and you had some really great moments here: "Your body is a temple / So let me be the priest" was a low-key brilliant lyric; a really great lyrical play. But oh my god, PLEASE tell me "I want to taste your power on my pillow / Your gold desire taking me to places only we know" isn't a piss play reference. Besides that, I think this should've been a little more colloquial in some spots: "You whisper all your fantasies so dirty" (inverted sentences are kinda gross), and "I want to be a slave for your love all night" ("wanna" would've been a nice replacement here, that line was a bit stiff). Some lyrics fell flat as well: "Play with me like your toy" (not very imaginative), "We’re turning every night together into a game" (detracted from the religious themes), "What’s your name? I like your smile" (wasn't very dirty, a forced rhyme with "while" and the line itself felt random). I really hope you can defeat your R1 score because I'd love to see what else you can offer!
|
Stan!
I'm not into piss play I promise! I love thighs though, they're so amazing.
Thank you darling!
Quote:
|
Originally posted by Jackson
mxtthewdelrey – Prayer Pose
I’m a little mad the other judges rated you so low last week, because I could tell you definitely had potential behind that novelty PC music song. And that potential really came to light this week. This was a really great entry. “I want to taste your power on my pillow” is such a hard hitting, original line. A few other highlights were the “getting rid of your clothes” line and “I long for your salvation”. The bridge was a step down from the rest of the song, and I didn’t really understand why you switched themes completely to a more Melanie Martinez type thing. The lips/hips rhyme in the first verse is also incredibly familiar. For the most part, while I realize religious songs are kind of overdone in PH, I thought you did a great job taking it to a new place and I’m glad you decided to show us you deserve to stay.
|
Stan!
Thank you for noticing my potential!
Quote:
|
Originally posted by Taylor Swift
10. mxtthewdelrey - Prayer Pose
Again, this challenge asked for two distinctive voices and without the labeling, I would have read this as one person singing it. Still, I was slayed by some of the lines, especially the titular one; it was quite an original way to describe a blow job. The meter wasn't too shabby and I felt like your language justified some mild inconsistencies. Some parts were far too vulgar (it would've been better to be subtly dirty throughout) but I enjoyed this entry a lot. All of the bridge was pretty tragic, not gonna lie. Had that not been there, this entry would have been so much better and the repetition of "I" is a no-no as well.
|
Stan!
I also like that you mentioned blow jobs in your review. Truly imaginative
Thank you!
|
|
|
|
