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Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 9
Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 16,101
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1) What is your opinion on quail eggs
LOVE THEM! I like finishing up a sushi meal with a quail egg shot.
2) What is your favourite song on Rebel Heart
I haven't listened to it in awhile, but I think my favorite is Illuminati. The chorus line is so catchy.
3) What is the worst song from LEMONADE and ANTi put together
Most of Lemonade is very middle of the road, so I would say the worst is Higher from ANTi.
4) Do you own any USB sticks? If so, how many?
I just cleaned out my room at my mother's house a few weeks ago, and I found like 5 that I used in college.
5) Which is your favourite ghost from A Christmas Carol
Future (No shade to Ciara)
6) Are you a man or a house
House
7) How many guys have you slept with in the past 12 months
I lost my virginity almost a year ago, and now I think my count is up to 20ish.
8) Do you think £1.85 is affordable for 1kg of Lidl Stracciatella Yoghurt?
Don't know what that is, or how much money that is. Don't care.
9) How do you pronounce “dog”
Like an American.mp3.
10) Here is the best song of all time: “Mrs Cow” by The Children’s Kingdom. Write a short review of the song.
Great gowns, beautiful gowns.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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f 
BATCH ØNE
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Bey Admired – You & Me
Your song is pretty plain for the most part. It lacks substance. Everything about it seems very familiar and plain. You state everything exactly as it is and use very familiar language when talking about love. There’s loads of clichés (drives me crazy, love at first sight, see your face all the time) in the first verse alone. There’s quite a few forced rhymes as well such as level/confidential and time/fine. When you use big words such as “scortese” it comes off as forced, and I’m not really sure why you put an Italian word there in the first place.
Tymps. – Pee a Little
I’m showing this to your mother. Still gets a higher score than your last song because I actually laughed at this one. My favorite line is “I need your **** more than I need a father!”.
OreGuy – Inside of You
I’m sorry but this song sounds a little rapey. From “don’t scream tonight” to “watch you sleep til the sun arrives” I’m definitely turned off. Beyond that, you used a bit too much repetition and even that repetition was inconsistent (repeating the first two lines of the prechorus twice and then then third once). The first rhyme in each of your verses was very off as well. In the second prechorus your plurality was inconsistent. As I get to the end of this I realize it’s supposed to be rapey, but I think you presented it in the wrong way and the whole thing feels very awkward.
Vision – Field of Emeralds
I realize “emeralds green” can be grammatically correct, but unless your song gives me serious “old-timey” vibes I don’t think the noun and adjective should be flipped like that. Same goes for “fields that glow”. Glowing fields would have fit better in my opinion. “I have to have him again” doesn’t make a lot of sense considering three lines earlier you mentioned it was the first time they had met. You never really explained why he killed his lover, and some context or expansion of the storyline would have greatly helped you in this case. I did like how the chorus suddenly makes sense at the end of the song. It’s a good sort of a-ha moment.
E-Raine – Pandora’s Box
I didn’t like your choice of an opening line. It immediately made your song appear childish. I didn’t like the “come on, say hey” either. Rhyming bigger words can often appear clunky, and this was no exception in regards to the situation/combination/violation lines. You pulled it off a bit better the next time around but I still wasn’t completely sold. The “outside on a mat” line was a bit cringey as well. Box/fox was a forced rhyme. I think this would have worked better as a full song with a melody and a beat, but as lyrics it didn’t quite work. I can see potential in you though. Whether you make it to the next round or not I’d love to see more of your work and what you’re capable of.
KeshasFansRose – Rough Love
“Grows them big the way I like” is that in reference to his arms or his…? Either way it comes off a bit awkward. And why is this crown all white? The prechorus doesn’t make a lot of sense either. The chorus is a little anticlimactic. There’s nothing terrible about it, but it just happens. Nothing really draws me in about it, and the imagery presented there is fairly familiar. I didn’t really like the ARTPOP-y lines. There were some good lines as well, though. I liked the second half of the first verse and the second verse, and the bridge was good other than the art line. This was definitely a step up from your last entry.
Nait Phoenix – Fighting
DAMN that male font is brighter yellow than my urine, you might wanna get that checked  . The first section feels familiar, and there was a typo (“pass” when it should be past). Even though it’s fairly simple, I liked the emotion behind “who are you to me?/who are they to you?/ I couldn’t tell you”. I liked how you flipped the cliché of “more than you could ever know” and gave it new meaning. I didn’t like the contradiction of “you’re still worth fighting for” and “I’m tired of fighting” just a few lines apart, and there was really no storyline to explain the progression of thought into one another.
Xedrentinz Lododnz – Sad Goodbye
This had the basics of a good song, but there were too many little errors keeping it from being great. The biggest thing is that there wasn’t any big draw as far as imagery and theme goes to make the song incredibly interesting or stand out. There were a few little language things, such as “hope” in the first verse that should have been changed to “wish”, and “our love won’t gone too strong” in the chorus. The fantasy/travesty rhyme was, well, a travesty as well. It seems as though the majority of your intentions are communicated by the end of the first chorus and the rest of the song simply drifts on without purpose. If you’re still here next week, I want to see you try to write with a more compelling storyline and more vivid imagery. Also make sure to send your song to others before submitted to fix the small grammatical errors.
URBAN & Navyofbadgals – Dark Room
The flow in the first verse is all over the place. The one good moment is the restless/antidepressant slant rhyme. I don’t really get the point of the repeated parentheticals. I didn’t like the slang in the prechorus as well, and taking out the word “all” in the last line would have helped it flow better. The chorus didn’t really go anywhere. Navy’s verse was much stronger. The repeated numbers made the song feel more personal, and the little soliloquy was a nice touch. You did misspell “brakes”. You should have communicated the reasons behind this depressions and hopelessness better. I understood that those feelings were there, but I never quite got a taste of what it’s like to be “you”, which seemed to be the central theme around the song.
mxtthewdelrey – Prayer Pose
I’m a little mad the other judges rated you so low last week, because I could tell you definitely had potential behind that novelty PC music song. And that potential really came to light this week. This was a really great entry. “I want to taste your power on my pillow” is such a hard hitting, original line. A few other highlights were the “getting rid of your clothes” line and “I long for your salvation”. The bridge was a step down from the rest of the song, and I didn’t really understand why you switched themes completely to a more Melanie Martinez type thing. The lips/hips rhyme in the first verse is also incredibly familiar. For the most part, while I realize religious songs are kind of overdone in PH, I thought you did a great job taking it to a new place and I’m glad you decided to show us you deserve to stay.
Moonchild & conatus – This Is How It Ends
“Caesar heart” comes across as a bit grating, especially when “Caesarian” already exists as an adjective form of Caesar. This song suffers from a rare case of being too metaphorical. There’s so much imagery and so many metaphors and similes that the whole concept of falling out of love is almost lost. Still your language is incredibly strong and the song had a great, somber feeling flow to it. The last two lines of the second verse border on cliché and the “circumstance” line in the bridge could have been worded better. The word “and” in the title line feels off, as if it could be worded more precisely. “And this is how it ends” seems to insinuate that you’re about to describe the terms regarding the end, but it instead appears at the end of the description itself.
Hugamari & lovesong – The Life I Could’ve Known
Damn Huga, back at it again with the original concepts. I think it’s kind of funny that you were my biggest fan back in Season 5 and now I’m becoming yours. This is the second time in a row I’m slayed by your song (yours too, lovesong  ). This is another really original concept and it fits in well with the intros both of you submitted last round. There were some amazing lines here, like “with no map to where I’m from” and “how is it that I can miss/a place where I’ve never lived”. The word divide was a bit jarring among such simple words in the rest of the song. I could have done without the “was it more than chance?” line as well. The way you adapted a letter into a poem or song was really clever and well executed.
Musickid203 & Lucky#17 – Venom
The first verse felt a little too try-hard. There were too many descriptors (Long abandoned when it could have just been abandoned, for example. In the second verse wicked masquerade follows the same trend). A lot of this feels too poetic in a way that wouldn’t work in a song. I liked the line “Your body language, it’s so tense and imprecise”, but I can’t see that wording being implemented in song lyrics. The next line was much stronger and better executed. The chorus was really strong, but the word “killer” could have been changed to be less harsh. The whole poison motif is a bit overdone, but I felt like you executed it well and in a way that gave it a fresh spin. Look out for spelling errors (“overtime” should be “over time”) before you submit. “Decay” is almost always a forced rhyme, and this was no exception. This entry still felt stronger than both of your past entries, and I loved the way you fit both of your styles in here while keeping the song cohesive.
MattyTacos & TheCheetahWings – 1955
This song didn’t quite go to the places I had hoped it would. I’m assuming this is about a homosexual relationship taking place in a time when such relations were taboo. Even though I appreciate that your exact intentions were never explicitly stated, I was hoping the story would have been fleshed out a little better. The premise is beautiful but it lacks any sort of climax or plot twist. You could have talked about how both singers grew up and married women and were never quite happy, or about how one never left the closet and the other did and found the love of his life. The flow of the song was really interesting, and although it bugged me a bit at first I grew to love it. I like how the entire song was practically an AA rhyme scheme. It kept the song feeling very consistent throughout, and contrasting that flow with a more progressive storyline would have elevated it to another level.
Tylerbv – Square One
Starting your song off on a cliché is never a great idea. In fact, the whole first verse was riddled with clichés. At times they were more tolerable (But you’re no diamond in the rough was a pretty clever way to turn that cliché on its head) but for the most part they simply distracted from the song. The last line in the first stanza disrupts the flow of the first verse as well. Although the language in the chorus feels a bit weary, it actually works in this case to convey a sense of hopelessness in a relationship. The worst line was the “it takes two to tango” which felt a little too kids spy movie to me. You seem to have the basics of writing down, but you need to work to rid yourself of clichés are convey emotion in a more dramatic way. Try using more imagery and base your songs off a central metaphor to make them seem less familiar.
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 13,381
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I ate two hot dogs cause I haven't ate all day and that was a big mistake, I only should've ate one.
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Member Since: 2/7/2014
Posts: 3,371
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jackson
OK formatting them now. @Achilles I'll probably post batch 2 tonight so don't fret
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you BETTER fat
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 13,381
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Quote:
MattyTacos & TheCheetahWings – 1955
This song didn’t quite go to the places I had hoped it would. I’m assuming this is about a homosexual relationship taking place in a time when such relations were taboo. Even though I appreciate that your exact intentions were never explicitly stated, I was hoping the story would have been fleshed out a little better. The premise is beautiful but it lacks any sort of climax or plot twist. You could have talked about how both singers grew up and married women and were never quite happy, or about how one never left the closet and the other did and found the love of his life. The flow of the song was really interesting, and although it bugged me a bit at first I grew to love it. I like how the entire song was practically an AA rhyme scheme. It kept the song feeling very consistent throughout, and contrasting that flow with a more progressive storyline would have elevated it to another level.
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The fact we LITERALLY edited out a line in the chorus that said they had wives.
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Member Since: 9/16/2011
Posts: 50,981
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Swiftie my birthday will come before round 3 does.
Quote:
Originally posted by Jackson
OK formatting them now. @Achilles I'll probably post batch 2 tonight so don't fret
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Yas your efficiency 
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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oop let me get my green tea and read these reviews
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 13,381
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Quote:
OreGuy – Inside of You
I’m sorry but this song sounds a little rapey. From “don’t scream tonight” to “watch you sleep til the sun arrives” I’m definitely turned off.
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SCREAMING 
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 7,250
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Quote:
Originally posted by MattyTacos
I ate two hot dogs cause I haven't ate all day and that was a big mistake, I only should've ate one.
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When you first start bottoming, you can't just take the biggest dick and magically think it's gonna work out. Especially not 2, gurl. No one likes anal until like the 4th time thats why you have to do it solo so that you're used to the feeling and then you get those butt plug kits so you're able to take bigger sizes with ease, because how else are those Rocco Steele fantasies supposed to be real?
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 16,101
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Quote:
Originally posted by MattyTacos
We got that HOOD love.
We got that GOOD love.
We got that HOT love. |
I'm listening to this song right now, and the chorus kicked in right as I saw your comment.
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 11,012
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I disagree with everything you said Jackson. I'm just not pretentious. I am authentically minimalistic in my style. It seems this competition doesn't appreciate minimalism. Next time, I'll just use nonsensical lyrics and rhymes. It seems that's what you like.
Thanks for your time.
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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Mess @ you not laughing at my last song I might cry
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Wow @ these ratings. Let me finish batch one so I can read all of Jacky's reviews without being tainted!
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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So hug/lovesong is the 9.5?
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jaxswim
you BETTER fat
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Quote:
Originally posted by Achilles.
Yas your efficiency |
Considering I didn't start on these review until like 2 hours ago that shouldn't be a problem
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Quote:
Hugamari & lovesong – The Life I Could’ve Known
Damn Huga, back at it again with the original concepts. I think it’s kind of funny that you were my biggest fan back in Season 5 and now I’m becoming yours. This is the second time in a row I’m slayed by your song (yours too, lovesong ). This is another really original concept and it fits in well with the intros both of you submitted last round. There were some amazing lines here, like “with no map to where I’m from” and “how is it that I can miss/a place where I’ve never lived”. The word divide was a bit jarring among such simple words in the rest of the song. I could have done without the “was it more than chance?” line as well. The way you adapted a letter into a poem or song was really clever and well executed.
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hutrijnkdcx  Like I was so worried about being a one-hit wonder FLOP but this made me feel better. What's funny is the concept originally started as lovesong's, but I adapted it a bit and it was a middle ground that we both really liked. I'm glad I got to work with lovesong again, because we bounce ideas off of each other really well, and that's if we aren't already in agreement. He's really easy to work with and he thought of things I wouldn't have. I guess it shows in our song? 
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Member Since: 9/16/2011
Posts: 50,981
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I feel like I know exactly what Jackson (and the others) will critic my song for. 
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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hmmm interesting
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 13,381
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Quote:
Originally posted by Ventitonic
When you first start bottoming, you can't just take the biggest dick and magically think it's gonna work out. Especially not 2, gurl. No one likes anal until like the 4th time thats why you have to do it solo so that you're used to the feeling and then you get those butt plug kits so you're able to take bigger sizes with ease, because how else are those Rocco Steele fantasies supposed to be real?
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akskskgal, I'm a virgin! How would I know.
Quote:
Originally posted by Witch_Privilege
I'm listening to this song right now, and the chorus kicked in right as I saw your comment.
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What kinda witchcraft
Quote:
Originally posted by Bey Admired
I disagree with everything you said Jackson. I'm just not pretentious. I am authentically minimalistic in my style. It seems this competition doesn't appreciate minimalism. Next time, I'll just use nonsensical lyrics and rhymes. It seems that's what you like.
Thanks for your time.
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OK but saying you're authentically minimalistic after being called pretentious sounds like something a pretentious person would say.
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