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Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 8
Member Since: 1/13/2012
Posts: 13,577
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Quote:
Originally posted by ClarksonSlays
I'm going to sleep now because I didn't sleep at all last night, so I guess I'll see results when I wake? Anyways, peace!
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Goodnight!
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Quote:
Originally posted by ClarksonSlays
I'm going to sleep now because I didn't sleep at all last night, so I guess I'll see results when I wake? Anyways, peace!
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I might push them back until morning EST, yeah. That's probably for the best so things aren't as messy and rushed as last time (with stunted next challenge/leaderboards etc.)
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Member Since: 1/13/2012
Posts: 13,577
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A simple VS commercial and bam
147. This Love
Send it to kkkuntry radios pls! 
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 6,127
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Going to post my comments soon. I'll be up first thing in the morning to finish everything and get everything pre-typed. I keep pushing things back so I'll say results will be at 7PM EST and if they come before then, they come before then. But between 6-7PM I think they'll be ready.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Sam's Comments
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01. swiftie13 – Clearest Blue
I loved this. It felt familiar in parts in that it felt like it borrowed from a lot of songs last season in a strange way, but it worked. There was some more than familiar language (eye of the hurricane, thunder roaring loud) but I liked the central metaphor and the imagery was on point. I think the final part of the bridge was unnecessary but otherwise you did a great job.
02. ughgabriel – Visitor
There were a few predictable phrases in the verses and some of the rhyming felt a bit contrived (summertime/crime) but I really loved the pre chorus. The same can be said about the chorus as the verses, but overall I liked the chorus and thought it was a good central element. (Side note: this song is a bit similar in parts to a song I wrote last week! I'll have to show it to you.  )
03. Dylobs – Tainted Youth
I think your concept was solid although like swiftie's it felt all too familiar. The hooks weren't necessary and I think there were too many forced rhymes and filler words (way, impending etc.) in the relatively short chorus. I did like the cynicism/criticism rhyme though! It wasn't bad but I think this song kind of lacked the demonstration of the skills that we were after.
04. UFO – Playboy
This kind of felt like your standard UFO song with lots of pretty imagery that's disjointed and doesn't really add anything to the song at first, which you haven't had much of this season. A lot of it felt a bit too familiar until I got to the reprise section, I can see you tried to change up the structure which was fantastic, and definitely helped your score. The bridge is definitely the best part of the song, I loved that.
05. Achilles. – This Place I Call Home
Wow, I related to this song so much. Probably the most relatable song I've personally read as a judge. You didn't need any fancy imagery or poetic language to get your point across. Does it demonstrate the skills this challenge was after? Honestly I'm not sure if it does. But I can tell this came from a genuine place and that's another skill that can't really be taught. I loved it.
06. Vulnicura – Matutinal
Honestly I couldn’t not see this as a song in the vein of “When I’m Alone” (f(x)) or “Love Myself” (Hailee Steinfeld), it felt very… suggestive. There was a lot of great lyricism but also a lot of awkward imagery (the end of verse 2, basically all of verse 3). I loved the first verse, chorus and outro though, as well as the majority of verse 2. It was certainly creative and showed off a few skills too.
07. Moonchild – Moonstruck
The dangerous thing about moon imagery is that it’s very hard to execute without coming across as too familiar, and while there are some familiar lyrics here (every lyric about shooting stars, for example), I think you’ve included enough new angles to make it stand out. I loved moments like “prince of tides”, “our own space and time”, “become a singularity” and most of the bridge, but I wasn’t too sure on “soar/scorch (forced)”, “starcrazed (felt unnatural)” and a few other of the more familiar space images like starry eyes, paradise, gravity (did you consult the Ellie Goulding songwriting handbook before writing this)? Sorry for the really long/picky critique but there were just a few things I think could have been worked on to make this really special, but it was still great.
08. Buyonce1814 – Out of Reach
I’ve always thought that writing a song about not being able to write a song would be interesting, but I’ve never been able to write one. I like that you used your current emotions and inspiration. I did pick up on the usage of some more colourful language too (insipid particularly). I think your concept was there but the execution needed a bit of work (hard when you have writer’s block), but I’m glad you pushed through and submitted something. The chorus was okay and I liked the repetitions but a few of the phrasings and word choices seemed off, and the verses felt a little clumsy. The usage of “stricken” felt a bit unnatural in the pre-chorus too, but I did like the bridge. I think just a bit more finesse could have elevated this song.
09. MattyTacos – Feels Like Home
This song really reminded me of Cady Groves’ “The Crying Game”. Some of the details were actually scarily similar (she lost her brothers, had a distant mother, mentions the age “Six years old” and “Twenty years later” etc. The thing is, I know Cady’s song was based on actual events in her life, but this felt fairly contrived if I’m honest. The chorus was cute but a bit too specific, I know you were going for a storytelling route with this song and there were definitely parts I liked about it, but there were moments where it just felt plain inauthentic too.
In before this is written from your life story and I seem like an insensitive jerk. 
10. ClarksonSlays – Butterfly Lies
Not a damn musical theatre song.  The opening line reminded me of the first lyric in the chorus of Behind These Hazel Eyes a bit. It was cute and it was one of the few songs that didn’t feel really familiar, so well done on that! I could pick apart little individual bits here and there that I didn’t love but they’re all just minor word changes and things, overall I think you’ve done a good job. It didn’t enthral me but I enjoyed it.
11. 8thPrince – Dizzying Heights
I kind of misread the opening line at first as your breath “never stopped looking” at violet peaks, and that was a weird idea for me to comprehend, personifying breath, but then I realized the intent of that lyric, like you’d never had your breath taken away by the sight of violet peaks. Either I’m just stupid or your phrasing could be better. Perhaps it’s a bit of both. That said, everything after that just flowed so effortlessly. Nothing felt forced or contrived, there wasn’t anything too familiar, it was a good concept that was executed brilliantly. You made use of plenty of skills (we can always count on you for an interesting structure, and you didn’t fail to deliver), and it was just an all around great entry.
12. TheCheetahwings – Masquerade
I’m not sure what the idea behind the two choruses was, one just felt like a pre-chorus or something. I guess you were experimenting with structure, but I don’t necessarily think it was crucial to your song, as everything in that first chorus was very familiar. I liked your verses, they’re where this song shines, and I wish they were longer. The second chorus was much better but still felt familiar and had some other issues (“deceptive” is a redundant descriptor of “masquerade”, “locked outside and can’t be saved” is clumsy). I liked the bridge. The outro felt unnecessary but I liked that it tied in with the first chorus thematically. It’s not my favourite entry from you but it wasn’t bad.
13. Element – Sylvan Voice
This was good. It appeared short and simple but was deceptively complex. There were a few pacing/stressing issues I found when I read through it but nothing too distracting. I gather that this is about logging and how it destroys the habitats of native animals? I could be on the completely wrong path here but I imagined machines cutting the trees down as the “loud sound in the distance” which caused “the crash”) and if it is what I think it was about I liked the serious message you wanted to convey and the unique approach to that.
14. HausofNiko – The Devil Inside of Me (Bet You Wish)
Sorry for the title misunderstanding, since Vulnicura forgot to title ha songs a couple of times () whenever I’ve received an untitled song since I’ve just quickly read through it and picked a somewhat appropriate title, it’s quicker that way. Anyway, I found this song a little juvenile if I’m honest. A lot of the wording felt clumsy and, like it wasn’t supposed to be taken seriously, but the subject matter warranted a more serious approach. There were some memorable lyrics for sure, which I liked, but overall it felt like you were hoping for a quick kii rather than trying to apply some proper songwriting techniques to your song, which this challenge was all about.
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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I didn't think I was starting to repeat myself but 
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 6,127
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Oh this lowkey drag 
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 23,393
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Thanks for the comment Sam. Nnn you're the 2nd judge that toyed with the idea of writing about writers block at some point. I like what you did there . From the feedback, it seems the verses were weak which I understand. I appreciate the comments you've made.
The two 'skills' I was going for were language and also the round 2 skill - making every word count. I counted and got exactly 140 words (repeats not counted).
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Member Since: 1/13/2012
Posts: 13,577
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Thanks for your feedback Sam! I'll admit it was a very familiar topic, but judging by the comments I've gotten for writing Mother and Genesis, I thought I'd try a familiar topic this round
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 23,393
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Already writing a song for the next round even though there's no guarantee I'll be going through and if it will relate to the challenge requirements. Concerned I won't have regular access to the Internet as I'm going abroad on Sunday
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 23,393
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PS We should have a Phoebe Buffay round where we have to write song sin the style of Phoebe Buffay 
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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Quote:
07. Moonchild – Moonstruck
The dangerous thing about moon imagery is that it’s very hard to execute without coming across as too familiar, and while there are some familiar lyrics here (every lyric about shooting stars, for example), I think you’ve included enough new angles to make it stand out. I loved moments like “prince of tides”, “our own space and time”, “become a singularity” and most of the bridge, but I wasn’t too sure on “soar/scorch (forced)”, “starcrazed (felt unnatural)” and a few other of the more familiar space images like starry eyes, paradise, gravity (did you consult the Ellie Goulding songwriting handbook before writing this)? Sorry for the really long/picky critique but there were just a few things I think could have been worked on to make this really special, but it was still great.
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Thank you for your feedback, Sam! I understand where you're coming from, but I'm glad you enjoyed it as a whole. This round for me seems to echo past rounds where people have done poorly on personal topics. I actually like long/picky critiques since specific feedback helps me grow. 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 31,895
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Quote:
13. Element – Sylvan Voice
This was good. It appeared short and simple but was deceptively complex. There were a few pacing/stressing issues I found when I read through it but nothing too distracting. I gather that this is about logging and how it destroys the habitats of native animals? I could be on the completely wrong path here but I imagined machines cutting the trees down as the “loud sound in the distance” which caused “the crash”) and if it is what I think it was about I liked the serious message you wanted to convey and the unique approach to that.
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You are completely correct, yes!
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
04. UFO – Playboy
This kind of felt like your standard UFO song with lots of pretty imagery that's disjointed and doesn't really add anything to the song at first, which you haven't had much of this season. A lot of it felt a bit too familiar until I got to the reprise section, I can see you tried to change up the structure which was fantastic, and definitely helped your score. The bridge is definitely the best part of the song, I loved that.
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This "sounding like a standard UFO song" critique does nothing for me. What felt familiar? How can I improve? My style used to be way different before and now I've found a style I'm comfortable with so it's hard for me to recognise or pick at something that comes naturally to me. I completely understand why and I'll take it into consideration but I'm just not sure what else to do Like which direction would you like to see me take? Anyway, thanks for liking the bridge! And yes, I wanted to play with the structure a little to "spice" things up 
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Member Since: 1/13/2012
Posts: 13,577
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I'm gonna be in a recording studio during results
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Mess at the results continually getting pushed back it's not a big deal though, take care of yourself Sam!
My opening line served BTHE teas to me as well I'm glad you enjoyed it!
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 5,500
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Quote:
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Originally posted by Sam
I’m not sure what the idea behind the two choruses was, one just felt like a pre-chorus or something. I guess you were experimenting with structure, but I don’t necessarily think it was crucial to your song, as everything in that first chorus was very familiar. I liked your verses, they’re where this song shines, and I wish they were longer. The second chorus was much better but still felt familiar and had some other issues (“deceptive” is a redundant descriptor of “masquerade”, “locked outside and can’t be saved” is clumsy). I liked the bridge. The outro felt unnecessary but I liked that it tied in with the first chorus thematically. It’s not my favourite entry from you but it wasn’t bad.
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Well I'm glad you liked it alright. I'm not surprised this is one of my weaker songs though, since I was definitely in more of a rush this time. 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
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Sam stanning for "When I'm Alone" >
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