If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this post is going to be a rough ****ing ride.
For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been ****ING UP in terms of a terrible era and general social interactions with Samsung. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so ****ing AWKWARD and so ****ing USELESS. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Teneo, I've been having so much fun with the navy this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to ****ing find you on the streets to do it myself.
I do not give a flying ****, and ATRL does not give a flying ****, about how much you ****ing love to do social media minigames with fans. You had 361 days out of the ****ing year to do puzzle games with fans, and this month is NOT, I ****ing repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This month is about releasing the ****ing album and saving your damn career, and that's not ****ing possible if you're going to stand around. Newsflash you stupid *****: THE GP AIN'T HERE FOR THESE HIDEO KOJIMA TEAS. Oh wait, DOUBLE ****ING NEWSFLASH: THE GP IS NOT GOING TO BUY YOUR ALBUM IF THE ERA SUCKS, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, THE ERA SUCKS SO FAR. This also applies to you little ***** that have talked openly about going into vacation and enjoying not working on the album IN FRONT OF YOUR THIRSTY FANS. Are you people ****ing retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to quotme me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. If the Navy openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite the hive over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE **** WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other stanbases, I don't give a **** if our fave is a mess right now, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that stanbase. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do ****ing NOT convince other girls to jump ship with you.
"But Chanel, I mean, Teneol!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this poxg, "I've been by her side throughout her entire career, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID ****ING ASS HATS, IT ****ING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW ****ING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE THE BARBADOS BITCH DOES NOT CARE ABOUT HER FANS. She only caresa about getting high, going on vacation and ****ing modelling. I've not only gotten texts about people being ****ing WEIRD at Samsung events (for example, being stupid ***** and saying stuff like "can you give me a diary key?" is not ****ing funny), but ARE YOU ****ING STUPID?!! I don't give a **** about loyalty, YOU DO WHAT I TELL YOU, ARE YOU ****ING BLIND? I will ****ing **** punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a **** if you SOR me, I WILL ****ING ASSAULT YOU.
"Ohhh Chanel, I'm now crying because your post has made me oh so so sad and I will report you". Well good. If this post applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you're a weird **** that does weird **** during the day, this following message is for you:
DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT. DO NOT CHECK FOR THE ANTIDIARY MESS ANYMORE
I'm not ****ing kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this post and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I'm so excited for the next diary room but I'm pissed at my fave!", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't ****ing show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn **** block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to ****ing God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me.
And for those of you who are offended at this post, I would apologize but I really don't give a ****. Go **** yourself.
SCREAM QUEENS season finale tonight on FOX. Be sure to watch.
© Chanel Oberlin 2015 - a Ryan Murphy character
