| |
Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 8
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 4/3/2014
Posts: 18,319
|
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
|
Well, having hosted before, I know how much of a hassle it is.  I figured I'd make it easy for you. 
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
Note: Goddess Huga formatted this perfectly which is why it's being posted so quickly.  |
@GotSkill
|
|
|
|
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
|
Hugamari's Comments
Batch 2
Quote:
13. Jaxswim – Touch (Confusion)
General: Some of your tenses seem a bit mixed up. "Cross my heart, truth be told/When I look at you, now I’m getting cold", for example. "I get cold" would be the proper tense for that sentence, but obviously it doesn't fill the meter out exactly. There are also some awkwardly-phrased lines, such as "Could it be that you’re the one I miss?/...This isn’t right, this I can’t allow", "I can't allow it" sounds better, fits the meter, AND works better with the rhyme scheme you set up. (I know it's AABB not AABA, but that would be an easy fix to be honest.) On the technical side, it could have done with a lot of touching up.
Does it fit the challenge: I can see the inner dilemma going on, so there's that! Most of my feelings of confusion came from how you worded things more than the song itself. 
14. Tymps. – Lovesick (Guilt)
General: Interesting topic there, Adam.  Also, thank you for not making your song essay length! ANYWAY, Besides for "He never would hurt me", which I think would sound better as "He would never hurt me", your meter was on point! My favorite part, lyrically, was the bridge; particularly, the "...leave me puking on the ground/I guess I'm just lovesick" part. I don't know how much that has to do with guilt, but I liked it anyway!
Does it fit the challenge: I could definitely see what you were going for, but I didn't completely feel it.
15. Achilles. – Running Free (Freedom)
General: Interesting POV you decided to use for this challenge. I thought that the general idea you had for your emotion was a bit familiar, but I guess seeing what you made it about made it a bit more unique. The chorus felt entirely uninteresting; it's probably one of those things that sounds better than it reads. The way you decided to approach the rhyme scheme, however, was different! I liked that about it.
Does it fit the challenge: Yes! I feel like the emotion was crammed down my throat, though.
16. ceremonials – False Prophet (Betrayal)
General: Is this a Florence song? Like I legit feel like Googling it to make sure it's not. The most distinguishing feature of this is your choice of language. I don't know how to describe it without it coming off as mean...Renaissance? Regardless, it's what set you apart. The repetition dragged the song down a lot for me, though. Would probably sound better than it reads, but that isn't the point.
Does it fit the challenge: Well Judas is notorious for betrayal, so I get the reference.
17. MattyTacos – Cry Wolf (Jealousy)
General: What's with the references to fruit, Katy? Anyway, this felt like a draft more than a finished product to me. "Anything to get you back now" sounded awkward, and it was obviously there to fit a rhyme scheme. Also, the "blueberry/lilac/strawberry skies" part...I think I get what you were going for? However, it just felt like you were lost for lines so you recycled some stuff, which was kind of lazy on your part! My point is that it doesn't feel as well-connected as your usual efforts, a real step back.
Does it fit the challenge: I definitely got jealously from this, yes. I also got a lot of fruity scents.
18. 8thPrince – Wont Hurt You (Guilt)
General: What I liked about your entry was that it felt like a complete story. (Not talking about the length but hihi) There was a conclusion that struck with me, and put things into perspective - a nice touch! There's not much to fault it on, so kudos on that!
Does it fit the challenge: YES, I was hoping someone would take on guilt like you did! It was easy to pick up on from context clues, and it didn't feel forced or disingenuous. Very well done on that front!
19. Kworb – Reshape (Freedom)
General: Structurally, you took a very different approach!  I like the meter you have on this song, and I kind of love some of your word choices! I do think just having a lengthy chorus repeated twice was a bit of a cop-out, but at least you did something different! Thematically, you also chose something very different I wouldn't have expected something like it given the theme.
Does it fit the challenge: I'm not so sure about that. In one way, it does...but the part about guiding evolution doesn't sound very free to me. 
20. Jack! – Night Night (Depression)
General: You had a very interesting approach! However, I think you missed the mark a bit on execution. Some of the lines felt awkward, like the line where you got the title from for example. It felt a bit wordy, and the same point could have been made with less words. The new parts to the chorus with each iteration caught my eye, but as I said, you missed the mark a bit. Other than that, you had a fairly solid song.
Does it fit the challenge: Yes. Very much so. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.
21. ClarksonSlays – Pain Remains (Guilt)
General: Not you putting pain in the ****ing title. Lemme put this song in the trash. (Kidding of course don't @ me) The topic of your song is very daring, I think. You handled it with sensitivity, though. In a way, I actually think it's kind of genius that you chose it; it makes for a strong story. I also think everything you had was there for a reason, so I can do nothing but commend you for that.
Does it fit the challenge: ...Better than I'd hoped anyone would be able to.
22. swiftie13 – The Jungle (Desire)
General: I'm obsessed with your word choices, first of all! They all just roll off the tongue so elegantly. You also left something to the imagination, which to me, is very important when doing a sexual/sensual song. You have to be able to be able to not cross the line to vulgar, and you did that with ease.
Does it fit the challenge: I think you took a very graceful approach to your emotion, and in my opinion, made it much more effective! I would say yes, it does!
23. Moonchild – Lifeblood (Desire)
General: There were absolutely no flaws in your meter anywhere! Also, your verses were on point! (I liked the first verse better btw!) I can't really find anything to fault this on, besides word choices that are pet peeves as best, and aren't going to drag down your score.
Does it fit the challenge: I would say so, yes.
24. Element – Roads (Confusion)
General: Something feels off to me...like the syllables for the verses are the same, but their stresses are different, which makes it feel a bit disjointed. It does get harder the more syllables you use, and there were a lot of them in your verses. The repetition also dragged the song down a bit for me. Other than those things, I think you made your point without bluntly stating what the point was, so good on you for that!
Does it fit the challenge: Confusion was a really hard one to take on, so I will give you some leeway with it; you did a fairly good job with the subject.
|
Note: Goddess Huga formatted this perfectly which is why it's being posted so quickly.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 26,488
|
I didn't have any faith in my song after reading some other's here but reading Hug's comments made me believe in it again 
|
|
|
|
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 12/2/2010
Posts: 17,916
|
Quote:
03. URBAN – Believe (Free Yourself) (Freedom)
General: That grasp of meter I have come to love is back again in this entry! I couldn't find a flaw in it, tbh. Your language this time is a bit familiar and heard-before, but given your emotion, I will give you some elbow room on that. The biggest issue I have is the inclusion of "na-na-na-na-na", and I completely get that it's to fit the melody of your song, but with the main point here being lyrics, it just feels a bit...lazy. It's not even like you need it to tell us how the song goes, as you included audio to how the song goes. I still won't mark off for it, but I will soon! Just a warning.
Does it fit the challenge: The song felt so care-free, and being free of cares is definitely a form of freedom to me! In that sense, yes you fit the challenge!
|
Got it! I'll keep this in mind.
Thank you Huga!
|
|
|
|
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
|
I've only judged one entry thus far and I feel like my comments are going to be too long. 
Do you think I should cut down on them to get them done quicker?
|
|
|
|
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
|
Quote:
01. keshaspearsxo – Bottle (Ecstasy)
General: You kept your concept for more than a one-off metaphor, so that alone makes your song much stronger! However, I can't help but feel that this is about Leonardo DiCaprio. (Not good or bad - just a general observation.) Your language was a bit odd to me, but I know better than to think it wasn't anything but on purpose. Anyway, speaking of the water imagery you used Clarkson , the whole song was kind of like floating gently along a stream, with no high or low points along the way.
|
My impact!
And Wildfire is my fave from Confident along with Cool For the Rapture.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 9/16/2011
Posts: 50,981
|
Sensing that I flopped again. Which of you ****ers said that true inspiration comes when you're under the pressure of a deadline? 
EDIT: maybe not.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
I've only judged one entry thus far and I feel like my comments are going to be too long.
Do you think I should cut down on them to get them done quicker? |
How long did it take?
|
|
|
|
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
|
Quote:
21. ClarksonSlays – Pain Remains (Guilt)
General: Not you putting pain in the ****ing title. Lemme put this song in the trash. (Kidding of course don't @ me) The topic of your song is very daring, I think. You handled it with sensitivity, though. In a way, I actually think it's kind of genius that you chose it; it makes for a strong story. I also think everything you had was there for a reason, so I can do nothing but commend you for that.
Does it fit the challenge: ...Better than I'd hoped anyone would be able to
|
Yeah, I don't like my title tbh
And mess at the "does it fit the challenge" part
Thank you!
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 2,955
|
F**k I'm getting eliminated based on Huga's score alone
|
|
|
|
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 4/3/2014
Posts: 18,319
|
Hm, I think I got dragged slightly less than I usually do
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 1/13/2012
Posts: 13,577
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
I've only judged one entry thus far and I feel like my comments are going to be too long.
Do you think I should cut down on them to get them done quicker? |
Music not the bling!
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 2/7/2014
Posts: 3,371
|
Quote:
13. Jaxswim – Touch (Confusion)
General: Some of your tenses seem a bit mixed up. "Cross my heart, truth be told/When I look at you, now I’m getting cold", for example. "I get cold" would be the proper tense for that sentence, but obviously it doesn't fill the meter out exactly. There are also some awkwardly-phrased lines, such as "Could it be that you’re the one I miss?/...This isn’t right, this I can’t allow", "I can't allow it" sounds better, fits the meter, AND works better with the rhyme scheme you set up. (I know it's AABB not AABA, but that would be an easy fix to be honest.) On the technical side, it could have done with a lot of touching up.
Does it fit the challenge: I can see the inner dilemma going on, so there's that! Most of my feelings of confusion came from how you worded things more than the song itself.
|
Okay I think I'm going to be getting a range of these types of technical comments this week because my melody in my head is kind of erratic but it's too clear to me to be able to change, which is potentially tragic for my score.
|
|
|
|
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Moonchild
How long did it take?
|
Well I did this one last night and I can't really remember.
Quote:
Originally posted by swiftie13
Music not the bling!
|
It just depends on what you all want tbh. Quick comments posted sooner or more detailed comments posted later.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 1/13/2012
Posts: 13,577
|
Quote:
22. swiftie13 – The Jungle (Desire)
General: I'm obsessed with your word choices, first of all! They all just roll off the tongue so elegantly. You also left something to the imagination, which to me, is very important when doing a sexual/sensual song. You have to be able to be able to not cross the line to vulgar, and you did that with ease.
Does it fit the challenge: I think you took a very graceful approach to your emotion, and in my opinion, made it much more effective! I would say yes, it does!
|
Thank you! 
Reading through the others, it seems like many people got positive comments 
|
|
|
|
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
|
Wait, did Euphorian not submit?
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 2/7/2014
Posts: 3,371
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
It just depends on what you all want tbh. Quick comments posted sooner or more detailed comments posted later.
|
Either way I prob won't see em until tomorrow morning, so detailed!
|
|
|
|
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
Well I did this one last night and I can't really remember.
It just depends on what you all want tbh. Quick comments posted sooner or more detailed comments posted later.
|
Sparknote it fat. If want really detailed comments, I'll PM them for you later ALA Lovesong tbh.
|
|
|
|
|
|
