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Originally posted by Nicole
Drew now needs to write a piece about Adele. Badger?
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Drew finishes his lentil and soy bean Vietnamese salad lunch with a grimace. It is days like these where his motivation for Veganism wears thin. He bolsters himself with a reminder that meat is murder and causes cancer. His mind travels back to his successful article on the subject a few days earlier, and he finds himself craving that attention again. In order to get that buzz, his next article needs to latch on to a very prolific subject, but what does he choose? Miley Cyrus' latest antics? No, too passé. Another one of Donald Trump's controversial quips? Too negative. A subversive piece on why Azealia Bank's homophobic rants are beneficial for the LGBT community? Definitely not; his editor warned him he'd be on probation if covered the female rapper yet again. So what to write about?
His overweight middle-aged coworker Janice who wears a necklace with her cat's name on it turns the radio back on in the cubicle next to him. For the third time this morning the office is filled with the sound of strident soulful vocals accompanied by melancholy strings. The lightbulb above Drew's head illuminates. Of course! Adele's magnicificent, triumphant return to music is surefire clickbait. But it's not enough simply to detail her stats, there needs to be a compelling angle.
After minutes of staring into space in deep thought, Drew flexes his fingers, rearranges his fingerless gloves and gets to work:
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"Adele and the Elephant in the Room: A Commentary on the Downfall of the Music Industry and the Demise of Real Music."
As I switch through the stations on another lazy Sunday afternoon, I find myself beleaguered by soulless pop tunes, singing about "getting down in the club" or being "cool for the summer". Every track that reaches my ears is laced with helpings of autotune and smothered in heavy repetitive beats. I find it too much to bear, and I turn off the radio in disgust.
Music is dying. There is no artistry left, no-one pushing the boundaries and fighting to say something new. Sometimes I find myself overwhelmed with despair, when I think back to the musical legends of yore. Where is 2015's Janis Joplin? Where is the Jemi Hendrix? The Debbie Harry? Must we be plagued forevermore with boybands and yo yo yo rappers?
Fear not, fans of authenticity and talent! For our saviour has arrived! Earlier this week the walls of mediocrity were bulldozed down by the mighty figure that is Adele Adkins. Following up her much beloved 21, the larger-than-life chanteuse bellows her return with the stunningly powerful Hello. When I first heard her sweet cooing, I wept real tears. And I'm not ashamed! I won't be the only one to shed a few tears for the massive British juggernaut in the months to come.
Already she has obliterated records previously held by the marionettic Britney Spears and the insipid Taylor Swift, and quite rightly so. Her existence proves that talent still exists in the world, and that perhaps there is hope for the music industry yet. So I command the industry to follow in her heavy footsteps! Strip it all away! Take away your Lady GaGa costumes and show off your pipes if you dare! Maybe then this generation will appreciate talent over looks. Thank goodness we have a plus size role model for impressionable young girls. Someone who covers themselves up and showcases maturity and restraint.
So I say God bless Adele. And thank you for bringing emotion and real music back into the forefront.
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As Drew hits send to his editor, Adele's voice rises to a crescendo, and the entire office descends into floods of tears and imitated belts. The young journalist tries not to feel too pleased with himself, and makes sure to send his article to Adele's Twitter in the hopes that it goes viral. The radio finishes Hello and immediately follows with Someone Like You. As the chords of the piano play out, Drew is taken back to that fateful train journey when a beautiful woman ignored his well-meaning smiles. Life can be cruel, he thought, but at least I have Adele to keep me warm in these lonely winter nights.
