[Aurora]

Meowster's Comments

Batch 1

1. EuphorianSea – No Longer
You did a fine job staying within the word limit of the challenge. There were some colorful choices in here, such as your repetition of the word honey working as an address to the love that no longer lingers. Standout lines for me include “our love dies a silly death;” this is a perfect sum up of so many broken relationships. Sometimes we find that the more limited our language is, the more interesting comparisons we can make, and I appreciate that here.

2. Girlicious – Mercury
Thank you for your backstory; I got a similar vibe from reading the selection. Mercury is a great metaphor for anything and everything that is uneven, that is dangerous, that is rotting. And yet, it is fascinating and confounding. It’s a relatable theme – we all want something we know we can never have, we let it hurt us while we grow, but we also want more. My favorite lines were in Verse 2: great examples of back and forth exchanges. You stayed within the word limit of the challenge and went above.

3. Nait Phoenix – The Other Side (Tokyo)
Really enjoyed the demo that you sent with your selection, it was a different sound than what I am used to but really helped the song come alive. The metaphor for a wall and distance being a barrier for two dissenting sides of love were used aptly. The chorus has perfect form, each line like a stroke from a brush, building instead of working against itself. You managed to stay within the limit of our Twitter challenge, albeit through various manipulations, which is just fine for me so long as you show it to us – which you did.

4. Gavin. – Praying For Love
Praying For Love, for me, felt like a song that had expert lyrical matches that fit like a glove. I think there is an element of a double entendre here of getting down on your knees in search of love, similar to Madonna’s Like A Prayer, with wordplay that defines both a struggle and a reluctant acceptance of where this person currently is. There were no issues with staying within the challenge guidelines, I thought you did an excellent job.

5. Popsicle – Trick R Treat
I appreciated the metaphor within this song. Time wise, it is appropriate to make something horror/Halloween themed, but the thing I love about songs based around this time is that the original sense of horror can easily be substituted as a form of dark love instead. This is a tale of someone’s conquest of the night. Lyrically, I thought you came through with this idea well, but I think you could have developed the bridge a little more and tightened it. Again, no issues with the challenge, you did just as requested.

6. KeshasFansRose – Freedom of Love
You had two good verses here, well written, though I’m not entirely sure the song came together by the end thematically. The standout was the first verse, I liked the insides of the mind it showed; however, I don’t think it connected to the chorus or the other verse. The song met our guidelines for this challenge, I would just say to make sure all of your thoughts come to a conclusion together, because I like the ideas that you have given us.

7. swiftie13 – Mother
I loved this. Maternal stories always warm my soul. Your style of writing worked with this story about the children who destroyed their mother, their home, their planet. You can hear all of the regret, “her dry tears revealed she was needing,” as they look back on all the damage and decay they have caused and can only look back in sadness. Hoping to give their earth, their mother, the relief that she needed. Beautiful language and your tone is flowery but sharp underneath, echoing a great warning for us all. There were no issues regarding fitting the content within the challenge criteria.

8. conatus – Swim Back
Such striking lyrical choices within here that I loved, like “hope under the water,” which all expertly build a narrative of rescuing a love that may soon end. The bridge was my favorite part of the song, your rhyming has a purpose here, and it is a reinforcement of the love and empathy that you still harbor within. The selection was nice, short, and sweet and that was all it really needed to tell the proper story.

9. JustLuke – Touch Us Now
A little run of the mill pop but there is nothing completely wrong with that. The song was enjoyable to me, it could use some tightening up in the verses, maybe some more unique words and/or phrases but I think your general idea stood out. It’s enjoyable, fun, but still a little safe. You met our criteria for this challenge, congrats; hope to see more in the future with maybe a little more differentiation to your song.

10. Jaxswim – Youth
This was really beautifully written and structured. The way you set up your verses, breaking lines apart by small words or phrases, it feels as if time is going by at a fast rate, as if our youth is leaving us like the leaves of a tree in the fall. This was also a different topic than I’m used to reading and it helped this song stick out for me. Youth was at 140 words, so it met our criteria for this specific challenge.

11. Vulnicura – Not The Same
Not The Same has a really fantastic chorus. I love the wordplay and the switching up of phrases, lines crossing each other, with a nice and tight flow to it. I think you have a lot of strong imagery in this selection which, paired with thought out and carefully planted rhyming, really helps the song stand out. Since you were under our set limit for this challenge, you’ve passed our criteria. Kudos.

12. Kworb – The Times
Beautiful and poignant, this song captures all of those magic little moments of an early love that we all remember. The user keeps taking us back throughout all of their memories: “thought,” “touched,” “yelled,” “looked,” and “came.” Lovely parallelism throughout this selection within each stanza, each told their own little glimpse of loving nostalgia. The song fit within the guidelines of the challenge.

13. Truffle. – Plastic Memories
Plastic Memories was a different idea than I’m used to hearing in songs about love. Typically, songs about love question choice, regret, and melancholy (not to say that there isn’t some of that here as well). Here is a song about the breakdown of anger, someone fighting memories that won’t take them anywhere, wanting to leave all of this behind and finding the courage to do so. Regarding the last line and potentially going over the limit by eight words, this is not an issue to me when some went around to make their songs as long as can be. It is alright in my book.

14. RihsusChrist(ATG) – The Tragic Ballad of Paula Deen
First the title got me cackling and then I actually read the song. There were occasional glimpses of cleverness, a true mockery of Miss Deen that I can totally imagine within the confines of a bluegrass narrative. Your rhyming here was hysterical, “the tale of a racist southern Queen.” Your narrative fit the word limit of our challenge though it was difficult for me to take seriously.

15. ausdaniel – Wash Me Away
This was an interesting topic for a song: the narrator is so disgusted by himself, disgusted by his actions, that he is ready for the person he loves to wash him away from the mistakes that he has made, claiming to himself that he “is no angel,” he’s “cold blooded,” and yet, in the bridge, we see someone extremely mournful for the acts that they have committed, begging for this person to remember that the narrator did love them. The song fit the word limit of the challenge.

16. Obsession – Compass
Compass was effective with what it needed to do: it told the story of someone who had lost their way and using their love for another, able to use that to help find themself again. I think the rhyming mostly worked to a good affect but I think it also felt a little sing-songy instead of having a flow to it. But, then again, a compass is all about order and precision, so I could see it the other way as well. Compass fit the limit of the challenge, with a few words under the requirement.

17. JakeKills – Therapy
There were some great elements to this song that I think made what it was about quite interesting. The hook is repeated many times, reinforcing a sense of anger and frustration, while he is being judged by his parents and their priest. Lines like “I think they just have hate in their hearts” makes for a perfect rhyme but also allows the song to connect to us, as rebels of modern society, who constantly face oppression. This dances around the limit for the challenge’s purpose but the strength of the selection allows to look past that.

[Jackson]

Originally posted by Moonchild

@GotSkill Sam must have capitalized it when he sent them out because my PM doesn't have the "the" capitalized. I was wondering why the critiques did.

[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/9PDxjsu.jpg/IMG]

I knew you wouldn't let me down like that
It didn't take away from your score though so don't worry about it.

Originally posted by Sam 

Fine, I'll start with Batch 2 and use S7's logo to be ~quirky~

I'm just posting them in the order I judged them, and I didn't want to spend 10 minutes figuring out how you formatted so I just reverted to my old ways

[Speezy]

At least I know GotSkill have a favorite song from me thanks for the review
💀 I know I'm not making but still perched for the rest of my comments

[ceremonials]

Originally posted by MattyTacos

Wait at me lowkey flopping this week for real

didn't you win last round?

[URBAN]

Urban_Fan – End of the Line
You stole the first line of your prechorus directly from my song Skeleton . Anyways, I think you have the same problem as Marvin this week. I could see this song being an actual hit and doing well, but without being able to judge the melodies and production I can’t really give you a high score for the lyrics.

No shade, but I don't know your song. Therefore, I couldn't steal from ya.

I could see this song being an actual hit and doing well

Basically all I needed to hear.

Thanks for the feedback sir.

[TheCheetahwings]

TheCheetahWings – Duplicity
Honestly, the only thing I don’t like about this song is the title line itself. You’ve improved a lot since last season and I have no idea how you did it, but major props to you. This song and last week’s song were both great.

Yas I'm glad you think I've improved, I've been working on my writing a lot in my spare time so I'm glad to see it's paid off.

[ceremonials]

Sam: Positive
Skill: Positivs
Huga: Positive

None of them extremely positive, but better than last week

[KeshasFansRose]

Meowster is my fave judge. Not just because of the positive feedback. It's well balanced

[Gladion]

hi

[conatus]

Meowster: Positive
Sam: Positive
Hugamari: Mixed/negative

Hm.

[BlueM]

Originally posted by GotSkill

BlueM – Demons Are Out
Something bugs me about the line “my nightmares of thoughts are always haunting me” . “Gleams” also seemed like a forced rhyme. The rest of the song was great, though, and an improvement over your song last week.

I understand what you didn"t like about gleams, but what do you not like about the nightmare line? I really wanna know so I can try and not include that kind of writing in my forthcoming songs.
I'm glad you liked it tho :')

[minho]

so many people did religious themes or "dark" concepts.

anyway my comments will be sent to Sam within half an hour, just want to give a final edit!

[Buyonce1814]

Originally posted by GotSkill

Buyonce1814 – Bitter Pill
There were some absolutely gorgeous lines here. I could see this being the closing track on an Adele album. The line “so I look over my shoulder/hoping time turns to nostalgia” almost brought a hallelujah out of me. The one problem I did have with this was the meter in the first verse. Still, I’m shocked at how much you’ve improved since last season. You’re truly proving that you’re more than Truth Teller’s pet.

Omg . This really brightened my day up. Thank you so much

An Adele album? Damn. That's big.

I will make sure to keep my meter in check. Thanks for pointing that out.

Thanks for taking the time to comment too. I really appreciate it.

[Gladion]

final results tonight??? omg

[Jackson]

GotSkill's Comments Pt. III


Batch 1 featured some of the biggest disappointments for me but also my favorite song, so slay that diversity!

Originally posted by GotSkill

EuphorianSea – No Longer
This is probably like the 10th song you’ve submitted in this game to mention an abyss. This reminded me a bit of Chrysalis. Basically, it was nothing new for you and that’s neither bad nor good.


Girlicious – Mercury
Is this a song about a period? “I can feel my insides start to bleed” was a bit too gruesome for my taste. The verses were good your meter could use some work.


Nait Phoenix – Other Side (Tokyo)
I like how your song flowed. My biggest problem was with the line “cause we’re more in tune than a smile and a frown”. It was completely out of place in the song and was so much weaker than the rest of it. The beat was a bop though.


Gavin – Praying For Love.
With a bit of editing I could see this being a Rihanna song. It was a good religious song, but didn’t quite get to the level of Dear God or Get To Heaven (or Kneel ).


Popsicle – Trick R Treat
My eyes kept widening every time I read an increasingly gruesome line. Honestly, you took it a bit too far. It’s something I can relate to, though. Writing dark songs can be fun and almost therapeutic, but this was a bit too murderous.


KeshasFansRose – Freedom of Love
I get exactly what this song was trying to be, but I don’t think you quite pulled it off. The bridge didn’t really make sense or fit in with the rest of the song, the first verse’s flow was all off, and the chorus was too generic for my liking.


Swiftie13 – Mother
This was a really interesting concept that I think tumblr would go nuts over. For me, it didn’t really work. There wasn’t enough of a storytelling aspect or emotional draw to communicate the futuristic theme to me. There was nothing inherently wrong with the words you used or your themes, it was just missing an emotional aspect and any sort of memorable “hook”. I loved your entry last week, however, so I know you have it in you.


Conatus – Swim Back
I appreciate the brevity of your song this week. It still feels complete and I get the emotion you were trying to convey. It didn’t blow me away, but it fit the challenge and worked as a song so I can’t complain. The only minor flaw was the “raise my voice like a horn” line.


JustLuke – Touch Us Now
Way too many forced rhymes here before the first chorus even hits. I think the lines were too short to make an impact, and there was a bit too much repetition. I know you have it in you to make a great song because I’ve seen it, but this was not your week.


Jaxswim – Youth
I get what you were trying to do in the verses, but it feels like you cut too many words out of them. I find the “mom’s bed was warm” line a bit creepy too. I did like how the tone of the song changed at the end and I like where you went with this, but it was definitely a downgrade from last week.


Vulnurica – Not The Same
I actually liked your entry last week more. I appreciated that you tried to take our comments into account this week, so I hope you stick around long enough to show us your talents. There were some forced rhymes such as “so I’ll release this tether” and “gazing at you in the night”. It wasn’t bad at all but I was left wanting more. For next week, pay special attention to your meter and the rhymes you’re using, and try to incorporate more imagery in your song.


Kworb – The Times
I found this to be a huge improvement from last week. Your emotions were especially strong here and you expressed the man’s nostalgia well. I love how you didn’t feel the need to repeat any sections, although I found it to be a bit too poetic because of the structure and language.


Truffle. – Plastic Memories
I didn’t like the “pick” and “worthless” rhymes and lines in this song, but the rest was good. This was definitely one of my favorites of batch 1. The metaphors you used were my favorite part.


RihsusChrist(ATG) – The Tragic Ballad of Paula Deen
Neux


Ausdaniel – Wash Me Away
I don’t like the phrase “ice of pain”, but that’s really my only complaint here. This is much better than last week’s song, and just a step under your S6 record song. The emotions here are beautiful.


Obsession – Compass
This was a beautiful short song. It was almost like a lullaby. It might not have worked for another challenge, but for this it was perfect. My favorite line was “I’m hoping you’ll be my safe place to stay”. It made me smile.


JakeKills – Therapy
This is probably the most powerful song on this subject I’ve ever read, and in PH a lot of people write about this. It was executed perfectly. It’s empowering and invigorating at the same time, and a perfect kiss-off to all the people that have done you wrong. Let me frame this on my wall. This was the last song I read this round, but it happened to be the best.

[conatus]

Originally posted by lovesong

so many people did religious themes or "dark" concepts.

Impactnatus.

[ceremonials]

Yeah, mine started out pretty "light" but then I changed it and it got a lot darker. But the original was bad tbh

[keshaspearsxo]

Keshaspearsxo – Of Dreams
Your flow was perfect, and I actually like the way you added a syllable to the last line to draw emphasis on it. I actually had to read the song once all the way through without paying attention to the meaning because the meter was so satisfying. The meaning was a bit convoluted because of the poetry of the song, but the imagery was exactly what I was looking for and I LOVE the fact that there were no repeated sections. Sometime I want to see you take the simplicity in your structure and complexity of your lyrics and try to apply it to a typical song structure, because I think the other judges would find it more effective.

Thanks!

I am completely ready to write in a more typical fashion, and have no issues with it. If every entry of mine was like these last two, it would be much too one sided. I just feel like these two challenges haven't called for it from me. The first, obviously only being an intro, and with this one the word limit was just too much. Everything I came up with was too long - so I decided to just cut it to this part. I could've sent verses or choruses or hooks but not only do I think the lyrical content would've been a decline, I feel as though that wouldn't actually reflect what I strive for. Anyway, thanks again!

[BlueM]

Originally posted by Sam

48. BlueM – Demons Are Out
I’m so glad you ended up submitting this, because it’s fantastic. Is it a continuation of your intro? It appears to be. This is even better than your intro though, every word is so important and the lyrics are great, the rhymes are tight and the flow is very evident. The second verse is even better than the first and keeps the song moving, it’s brilliant. The bridge is the perfect contribution. A really solid entry, and you made every word count. Well done.

This is the best thing ever!

Thanks so much!

[Aurora]

Meowster's Comments

Batch 2

18. ceremonials – Stockholm Syndrome
My favorite part about this track is how different the chorus is in comparison to the verses. The chorus is short, scattered, almost frenzied. Whereas the verses are expressive, eloquent, and expositive. “You may have lost this battle, baby, but you’ll never win the war,” love that line. Stockholm Syndrome was below our limit for this guideline and thus passed. I’m looking forward to see what new thoughts and ideas you’ll have in the future.

19. Speezy – Brighter Side
This was an okay track. It did what it set out to do and it works, but I think you could be more unique with it in the future. Don’t be so caught up in rhymes; they can help but they can also show weaknesses. They need more variety and need to match the phrases that surround it. With 140 words, the song met our guidelines for this challenge.

20. ughgabriel – The Sky
The Sky is a nice glimpse of what could be, what could happen, an idyllic escape from whatever dark or hollow moment is happening within our lives. The pre-chorus is my favorite part of the song. It is effortless, honest, and beautiful. The chorus reinforces the point of you are trying to make with this song but I almost feel it’d be better realized within the bridge. Verses are both strong. The Sky fit our requirements for this challenge, thank you, and I’m looking forward to whatever you have to give to us in the future.

21. Alesus – All A Lie
There are some beautiful ideas to this song and I appreciate the background information as I heard similar things to the inspiration of this song. Your verses are quite good, there were some abstract comparisons like “large like woman with child” when talking about his smile. The song is just at 140 words so it meets our word limit for the current challenge.

22. Urban_Fan – End Of The Line
I wanted to listen to this because I really enjoyed your last song, unfortunately, the song won’t load for me as much as I want to listen to it. The pre-chorus is the strongest part of the song, for me, as I think you are very talented when it comes to fulfilling a line and knowing its purpose within the lyrics. The song was under the limit for our guideline with this challenge, so congratulations on that, and we will hopefully hear back from you soon.

23. TheCheetahwings – Duplicity
Duplicity shows us the self-doubt we feel in our relationships, as well as the confusion, and whether or not to feed that doubt. The chorus is vague but I find it a little intriguing at the same time, like it is a mystery of a sort. The song was at exactly 140 words so it met our guideline.

24. Kunst – Fox
I think your first verse does a good job of setting the atmosphere of your song but the chorus is what will really bring people in. The metaphor of the fox is different and you wrote in a way that is pleasing and a bit teasing as well. It’s a great allegory of someone playing their relationship in the game that matches their own rules, not the rules that their partner completely believes. Fox was right at 140 words so it met out criteria.

25. DripDrip – Californian Coast
The constant asterisks were too much. I’m assuming you were going for something with syntax here but I don’t think it ever really worked or added up to anything within the prose. Speaking of, on to the prose, which I did happen to like in comparison to that. I enjoy the elusive, mysterious, yet sensual tone this song has, the rhyming scheme helping instead of detracting. The song fit our guidelines for this particular challenge.

26. Pencita Mariah – Rays
Rays is about hoping for light at the end of a dark and bleak tunnel. Finding that one small ray of light to make everything worthwhile and purposeful. Finding love. I think the word choices here build to that, especially in the first verse, which I think is the strongest aspect of the selection. The song fit our criteria for the word limit.

27. Buyonce1814 – Bitter Pill
The song does what it sets out to do. You see the hints of regret, sadness, and longing that comes with age and mistakes. Most of the time the phrases worked in tandem; excellent usage of vagueness to some of your ideas and thoughts here. The bridge was very well developed and my favorite part of this track.fit the criteria for this challenge, so thank you for that, and hope to see more in the future.

28. Qatari Monster – Lies
This was a decent entry but I think you could have done something just to make it a little less run of the mill. Like, I think the chorus itself is really solid, but I think you could added a bit more flavor and perspective to this track. However, despite that, you did what was asked of you with our guidelines and created a nice song.

29. inuborg – The Needle
The song meets a standard, each alternating verse matching the meter of the previous, which lends itself to the idea of a man confident in his own pride rather well. The contrast you build between the narrator and the person he is speaking to is the makeup of the song: he is the needle, he takes charge of his life, whether for better or worse. The song meets the expectations and is just below the word limit, albeit with some manipulation.

30. Dylobs – The Only One
I loved the storyline this song told to us about the blame and guilt that are shared during the end of a relationship. Your chorus is very developed and strong. It is simple but sometimes simplicity is just enough. The Only One has satisfied the word limit within this challenge.

31. jpow – Prove It
Prove It proves that sometimes simplicity can be the past method for song-writing. There were a little more basic ideas thrown in her compared to some other submissions, but it created an abstract feel to it that I think lends itself well to a popular sound. The rhyming scheme was never forced or phoned in, but rather added to the intrigue of the song. With 133 words, I would say that it fit within our guidelines for this challenge.

32. Tiberius – Resolutions
Resolutions, overall, I enjoyed as a song. The chorus would have worked better without such a strict rhyme and I felt the second verse was a bit weak compared to the first verse. The contrasting ideas in the second verse just didn’t completely click with me. The first verse was great; liked the imagery you used, I liked the syntax and structure to it, I believe this stanza did a better job at showing the message in your song. The song fit within the word limit.

33. 8thPrince – Champagne On My Parade
“Three years shy and eighteen sober, every waking moment is one long hangover,” this was a greaaaaat line with a rhyme that perfectly completed the thought process. Drew me straight into your chorus. The bridge, however, was actually my favorite part of the song and you were very clever with some of your word choices, like melancholidays.

34. keshaspearsxo – Of Dreams
This was a simple song that easily fit our word limit. I like what you did with this song and the imagery/words you used to describe things. However, I think you are limiting yourself by sticking to a rhyming scheme so narrowly. You should give yourself some more breathing room to try new things.