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Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 8
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 4/3/2014
Posts: 18,319
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WaiT, they're all lowercase. Is it jax?
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
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Jsjahakl even we as judges dont know who this person is.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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That ain't Fefe 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Did the selection really make the right criteria?
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Member Since: 8/2/2012
Posts: 17,518
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The comments all starting the same  
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Quote:
Originally posted by ClarksonSlays
Did the selection really make the right criteria?
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 15,127
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who is this judge 
ATRL-o-matic that u ?
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Quote:
Originally posted by Speezy
who is this judge
ATRL-o-matic that u ? |
I mean it reads like him 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Mystery Judge's Comments
Batch 2
Quote:
22. Doubt (Intro)
the selection met the right criteria and managed to go beyond. This was very well written, beautiful syntax choices with the way you wrote it out. The lack of capitalization really makes the reader feel that sense of doubt you face.
23. Devil, Come With Me (Intro)
the selection met the right criteria and managed to go beyond. Devil, Come With Me is an almost perfect piece of beckoning. The selection is very thought provoking and not instantaneously forward; there is a great deal of subtext to the work. It is a perfect opening to an album and could lend itself to many different music mediums.
24. I Can Be Good (Interlude)
the selection met the right criteria and managed to go beyond. Good selection, I enjoyed all of your dynamics. You had very striking word choices, such as “salty shots on my lips,” phrases that you really don’t hear but just stick with you.
25. Wonderful (Intro)
the selection met the right criteria and did well. Wonderful works as an intro to something finally moving on with their live, after dealing with dark undertones, realizing the beauty and wonderfulness of themselves and learned to enjoy and embrace their flaws.
26. I Only Come Out At Night (Intro)
the selection met the right criteria and managed to go beyond. Consistent, structured, and orderly. You do a good job of building and building in that last stanza, giving us intrigue and mystery, but coyly reminding us that you “only come out at night” before fading back into the depths.
27. Oasis (Interlude)
the selection met the right criteria and managed to go beyond. Oasis works as a great interlude. The song is a parallel of curing the “drought” of a person lost without love and trying to search for it; the metaphor works and lends to the piece strongly.
28. Wishing Away (Interlude)
the selection met the right criteria and managed to go beyond. I liked how each phrase worked to connect to the next, such as smarter and stronger, or breathe and longer. This made the overall purpose of your song really come through.
29. Intro
the selection met the right criteria and did some things well and could improve on some others. This selection works as an introduction but I feel parts of it are a little half-baked and a little too vague? This is a person unwilling to back down, love some of your choices like “my truth is going to be my battle shout.”
30. Poison (Interlude)
the selection met the right criteria and did some things well and could improve on some others. I like the metaphor you use here of the “poison” of love, I think it could be developed a little bit more. Original word choices and I like the repetition of the last few lines.
31. Uptown Haze (Intro)
the selection met the right criteria and did some things well and could improve on some others. I think the lyrical choices here are all good ones, what I would do differently would be to build on this with maybe another verse or make the outro stand out even more in comparison to the verse.
32. Drink Me (Intro)
the selection met the right criteria and managed to go beyond. Drink Me works as an introduction to the album, due to the great metaphors that describe the possibilities that could happen if that someone gave them that chance.
33. Astral Lullaby (Intro)
the selection met the right criteria and managed to go beyond. Beautiful lyrical content, great imagery and juxtaposition. The story of two sisters works as an excellent allegory for the good and bad aspects of religion.
34. Intro
the selection met the right criteria and did well. Pretty short but the content was good and I appreciated the way you tied your thoughts together. You left it on a good note to start an album with.
35. Addicted to the Future (Interlude)
the selection met the right criteria and did well. Good topic and you are a pretty good writer. In the future, I would avoid perfect rhyming like you chose, and instead choose to space it out some more. Loved the line you ended the piece with.
36. Little Girl (Interlude)
the selection met the right criteria and managed to go beyond. Simple, but oh, so sweet. It is a great reflection of someone looking back, on either themselves or someone else (I interpreted it as themselves), and pondering on the choices they’ve made. Your word choices really resonated with me.
37. Aphasia (Interlude)
the selection met the right criteria and managed to go beyond. Different topic than most and kudos for going out of your way to explain the mind of someone who is struggling with their own. You can feel the pain and exhaustion, you did good.
38. Love Wounds (Intro)
the selection met the right criteria and did well. Fantastic imagery in the last stanza, salty brine, and good use of contrast by comparing the sweetness of the character’s blood versus the blood of their man’s fists.
39. The Desperate Housewife (Interlude)
the selection met the right criteria and managed to go beyond. Loved the storytelling that took place here. You broke down the character and deconstructed her. It is a great segue into whatever the next track would be, something just as dark, I would assume.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Quote:
Originally posted by Speezy
who is this judge
ATRL-o-matic that u ? |
would u critic a critic if u were not a critic?
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 15,127
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Quote:
Originally posted by ClarksonSlays
I mean it reads like him |
wonder when hints will be dropped about the judge
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Quote:
33. Astral Lullaby (Intro)
the selection met the right criteria and managed to go beyond. Beautiful lyrical content, great imagery and juxtaposition. The story of two sisters works as an excellent allegory for the good and bad aspects of religion
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YAAASSSS. Top 10 here I come 
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Member Since: 8/2/2012
Posts: 17,518
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oop was fixed and lemme edit incase that is the secret or something
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Mystery Judge's Comments
Batch 3
Quote:
40. The Unknown (Interlude)
the selection met the right criteria and did some things well and could improve on some others. I think you had the right idea with this selection, but I also feel like you could have taken it to the next level and elevated it a bit. I always enjoy a piece that leaves you questioning and curious at the end so kudos for that.
41. Play Ball (Intro)
the selection met the right criteria and did well. I like the metaphor here, you do a good job of describing this person as they begin to make their next advances. I think the next step would be to make some of the imagery a little less loaded, if that makes sense.
42. Sleep (Interlude)
the selection met the right criteria and managed to go beyond. Loved the use of syntax here, short sentences, phrases, one-off ideas. It sounds exactly like what it feels like wrestling with sleep. Long thoughts contrasted by short.
43. Visionary (Intro)
the selection met the right criteria and did well. Interesting approach for an intro, each stanza follows its own path but with hints of the previous. I think this makes the conclusion stand out from the rest.
44. The Beginning (Intro)
the selection met the right criteria and managed to go beyond. It is a good intro and lures the listener/reader in to find out what made this man. What gave him this bloody past, who led him wrong? Intriguing thoughts that set for a good opener.
45. Blue Eyes (Intro)
the selection met the right criteria and did well. Welcome To My ****ed Up Heart is such a strong line to end on, perfect way to open up an album. Despite that, I think the pre-chorus could use some tightening up to make it just as strong.
46. Nomads (Intro)
the selection met the right criteria and managed to go beyond. The topic and the structure felt a bit different for an intro and that made this one stick out to me – in a good way. The parts that fell in line blended together smoothly.
47. So Stay (Interlude)
the selection met the right criteria and did well. The message is a relatable one, you nailed the right tone and imagery needed to convey the right sense of longing.
48. One Day (Intro)
the selection met the right criteria and did well. Well organized. The first two stanzas and the response are my favorites, they answer each other organically. I think it started off strong and sorta fizzled at the end, I think the last line falls a little flat.
49. December (Interlude)
the selection met the right criteria and did some things well and could improve on some others. Good and to the point. It could use some more descriptors and could have a little bit more content.
50. Masquerade (Intro)
the selection met the right criteria and managed to go beyond. Love your usage of repetition, alliteration. My favorite section was the second verse, you have parallel and opposite ideas bouncing around together through similar starts and end it differently.
51. Haunting (Intro)
the selection met the right criteria and managed to go beyond. Every line lends to the next, excellent use of parallelism, the topic is thought provoking. An enigmatic start.
52. Twilight (Interlude)
I liked the structure of the selection, it works just fine as an interlude. I enjoy the difference between sung and spoken dialogue, they come together nicely. Last line is a powerful phrase to end it on.
53. Fool's Luck (Intro?)
the selection met the right criteria and did well. This song dealt with interesting themes of comparing a love to a game, such as other songs like Poker Face. This song is a little more dealt with the pain of heartbreak than flirtation, however, and I enjoyed the comparison.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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I'm not sure if the mystery judge is fefe tbh!
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Everyone's selection meeting the right criteria besides "Twilight". 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Come back after maintenance for a clue as to who the mystery judge is!
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 15,127
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K I'm back
And I'm no critic 
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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Eyes Show - Your rhyme scheme was really cool! It wasn't a predictable AABB format, so props for that. It helps you stand out. However, some word choices were odd; converse, for example, felt like a strange word choice. It's important that words all feel like they belong there, and that didn't strike me as "belonging". The topic, from what I understand, is admiration of someone from afar? I like how you chose something like that, rather than jumping straight to the more depressing topics. It's refreshing seeing as that's a trend in this game.
2. Eyes Show (Intro)
*zooms in screen* that’s better. This is a very good example of how you don’t always need perfect rhymes and repeated sections to make a good song. A little structure goes a long way. I can sense the rhythm and there are plenty of lyrical highlights. It’s not without it’s flaws, some of the lyrics are endearingly nonsensical and there’s the odd unnatural rhyme, but overall this is a very solid entry.
Eyes Show (Intro)
I liked the way you used imagery to reel us in from the start. There were definitely select lines that I really liked, however I would caution to double check the ordering of word placement. Sometimes, we tend to frame sentences in certain ways because it sounds more sophisticated but it can in turn read a bit awkwardly (I’ve had the same kind of thing in my own writing). What I’d suggest is reading your songs aloud to see if it feels natural.
Thankz. I've never had an issue with words. They are deliberately chosen for their meaning. To sacrifice meaning for perfection is worth it for me
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Tick tock where is the hint to the mystery judge.
Inb4 its fefe but he purposely made himself sound robotic and unidentifiable.
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