Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 23,393
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Quote:
Originally posted by Guernica
okay this is gonna be a long post cause I got a lot to say on this subject
so I was originally diagnosed with depression when I was 15, and after about a year and a half that lifted, but one thing that remained was me having panic attacks. So in my senior year the realization of adulthood came crashing down on me, and the thought of all those responsibilities and having to get out of my comfy scheduled life I had with school and that being reliable and knowing that I had something to do and somewhere to be was going to go away and I was basically going to be on my own to figure my ENTIRE LIFE out was terrifying, and I started panicking really really bad and I was just not a happy gal. After I graduated I started going to college online because the college was an hour and a half away and I had no way to get there every day and I couldn't live on campus, and I ended up just totally bombing and failing every. single. course. Like it was so awful, my mother never looked so shocked and disappointed in me. I was so put off by that that I decided to just drop out and not even try anymore. That year I was basically just a bug on a log and I wasn't going to school, didn't have a job, didn't have a social life, I literally just became that stereotype of loser that lives at their mom's house and has no motivation in life whatsoever. I thought the rest of my life was gonna be like that and that I had totally screwed up and once again I was just not a happy gal. I eventually got a job and I thought I was fine, because I had something to do and was being productive, I stayed there for a year and after I left I realized I wasn't fine, and that I wasn't truly happy when I was there and I was really stuck in a rut and wasn't even aware of it. So that leads to now, and I have no clue what I'm gonna do next but after all the crappy years I've been through I realize the point of life isn't necessarily to follow one path, to go to college and get a good career and get married and have babies and all that, that's nice for some people but it's not for everyone and I know now that isn't for me. All I'm focused on right now is me being happy, and even if other people see me as a 'loser' or whatever, it doesn't bother me, because this is my life and just because you're doing one thing with your life, that doesn't mean that is the correct path to happiness for everyone.
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I'm so glad you made it through the rain and have a much more positive outlook on life. I truly hope I get there one day. I feel quite proud of you tbh 
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