You stated everything so plainly and that made the song feel very stoic. You can write in a more powerful way without lacing everything with stupid metaphors no one can understand. Take for instance the difference between “It makes me sad you’re gone” and “Tears well up inside as I see your suitcase at the door”. I hate to be a second grade teacher about it, but show, don’t tell. I also again felt like so many rhymes were forced, or lines were only there to create a rhyme, like rhyming “accept it” with “acceptance” when the two lines were virtually identical and said the same thing.
Deep Freeze (8thPrince)
I’m all for weird rhyme schemes but it shouldn’t appear to be totally random. Your first prechorus is ABCD EFCF and your second one is ABCD EFGF. It doesn’t have to be basic but it should have a feeling of coherency to it. The ice-cold / deep-freeze was really redundant rather than clever and it left me wondering why you kept repeating yourself. I will commend you on your creativity however, which you consistently deliver every round.
If In A Dream (keshaspearsxo)
Everything was phrased very poetically but also very straight, as if you were writing an essay. This straightness made the song feel very stoic. Try to loosen up the way you phrase things; there’s nothing wrong with casual grammar and it will still retain or even heighten your song’s emotional content. Also, while cheesiness can work, try not to do too much. I liked the continuity of the field and such being referred to throughout the song rather than in just the chorus.
Make Me A God (ClarksonSlays)
I thought this was very clever and I really liked how you brought all the gods and their powers into the song. You didn’t just list their powers but you applied them to the protagonist’s situation which I thought was great. I didn’t have any problems with phrasing which seems to be my biggest critique on everyone suddenly so good job with that! I did think, though, that the advancement in plot at the very end with the protagonist finally becoming a god was way, way too cheeseballs and should’ve been cut.
Metamorphosis (EuphorianSea)
The second verse’s rhyming was very forced. I understand the change in meter and structure which I thought was great but a wealth lines sounded like they were out of necessity for the new narrow rhyme scheme. I had trouble really grasping onto what this song was saying, or what emotion it was supposed to be expressing. Now you know I am a thousand times over good with enigmatism given my own writing style but there should always be a central emotion so that even if listeners don’t completely know what the hell the song’s about they can still be like “This song makes me feel this way!” But first you’re crumbling together and see dark clouds and next without a clear transition (which could’ve made it work) you’re keeping faith, relieving pain and finally free. It just left me very lost by the end.
Silhouettes (Sam)
I really liked the structure of the verses and the cool comparisons you made. Despite the interesting language and symbols you used the meaning was clear and relatable which I loved; that’s really hard to pull off, and for me striking that balance is the true meaning of songwriting. I think even with the poeticism you could’ve phrased things more casually and less like an actual poem. For specific example I would point out “inner dark” and “hope was but imaginary”. Overall though I thought this was a really strong piece.
When Im With You (lovesong)
I absolutely adored the specific-yet-relatable storytelling in the verses and how minutiae was turned into something larger than life. However, I feel like the chorus was weak and didn’t add much, specifically the second half. I did enjoy the “real life is boring” section of it though! I think if the rest of the chorus was like that (not about that but similar in feeling) the song would’ve been super strong. Also, you had that wonderful storytelling in the verses and then you had that weird deviation(?) of “round and round and round it goes, where it stops, nobody knows” which I felt took away feeling from the piece overall
Okay, this is random but remember when I posted Alessia Cara's "Here" and I said she's like the Canadian Lorde?
Now there's this other Canadian pop girl with this song and I swear she's basically trying to copy Lorde. At least with Alessia it was unique and sort of her own style but had that Lorde-esque vibe, this one sounds like a straight emulation.
The second verse’s rhyming was very forced. I understand the change in meter and structure which I thought was great but a wealth lines sounded like they were out of necessity for the new narrow rhyme scheme. I had trouble really grasping onto what this song was saying, or what emotion it was supposed to be expressing. Now you know I am a thousand times over good with enigmatism given my own writing style but there should always be a central emotion so that even if listeners don’t completely know what the hell the song’s about they can still be like “This song makes me feel this way!” But first you’re crumbling together and see dark clouds and next without a clear transition (which could’ve made it work) you’re keeping faith, relieving pain and finally free. It just left me very lost by the end.
dd I think I chose too difficult problematic of a concept to pull off, oh well!
The first verse kinda reminds me of the empowering pop perfection Rachel Platten’s Fight Song. In a good way of course. Wasn’t really feeling the pre-chorus, it didn’t go anywhere or contribute to the song much. I like the chorus but it feels more like a story than a song. The second verse is a lot better but it sounds a little too familiar to other songs I’d hear and broad. The bridge was pretty good as well, liked the reflection on how your ex-lover would feel.
Deep Freeze (8thPrince) - I
The first verse was pretty interesting, I hope the idea of it snowing during the summertime was intentional but I liked it. I’m mixed on the pre-chorus I liked the concept but I don’t really like the lyrics. Not a fan of the repetitiveness in the chorus but it’s catchy. Love the second verse, it was much stronger than the first. Don’t like the bridge at all, the a-z line made me cringe a bit.
If In A Dream (keshaspearsxo) - O
I liked the first verse but the grass line was pretty awkward and I didn’t like it at all. Not a huge fan of the pre-chorus, it feels like it doesn’t build up well to the chorus. The chorus is my favorite part of the song so far. I like the second verse a lot more than the first one by far. The bridge is definitely my favorite part of the song, loved the awake and drifting line the most.
Make Me A God (ClarksonSlays) -N
I like the cover that you made, by the way! This song kind of reminds me of Florence & the Machine a bit. With the god mentions. Love the first verse, though I don’t know much of the Gods you mentioned. I liked the pre-chorus but plot was an awkward word to use. The chorus is my favorite part except the globe line. The second verse is my favorite part, it’s well written. Never mind, the bridge is my favorite part, the eye/heart comparison line feels a little overdone though.
Metamorphosis (EuphorianSea) - I
Hilary Duff’s undeniable impact! You better stan for her underrated amazing album. I liked the first verse, simple but effective. The pre-chorus is much better though, love the sand and hourglass line. Don’t really like the dark clouds line because it feels so overused. I like the chorus, it was catchy but I preferred the pre-chorus. Didn’t like the second verse as much and I didn’t think it stood out. I liked the bridge but I didn’t like the outtake line in the bridge. I liked the closing chorus more the regular chorus.
Silhouettes (Sam) -C
Really like the chorus, I think the phrase only one is overused but I liked how it was used and thought it was unique. The verse is great, my favorite part was the first half. The pre-chorus is my favorite part of the song so far, it’s really well written and shows off your great writing abilities. Didn’t like the second verse as much as the first one. The bridge is pretty weak honestly and I didn’t like at much.
When Im With You (lovesong) - X
The first verse kind of reminds me of Lorde’s 400 Lux in a good one of course. I think the idea of with you/without you is kinda overused a lot in a song. Not a fan of the chorus much. The second verse is a step-up from the first and I liked the storytelling lyrics a lot more. The bridge is my favorite part from the song and probably my favorite set of lyrics from yours. I don’t like the word bleak at all though.
The collapse in Matty's reviews are doing the same thing that happens when you try to open collapses in quotes from posts on the same page, ie; it's opening Tymps.' corresponding reviews instead.
Acceptance (Hugamari)
but thank you Tymps!
