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Tournament: PLΔTINUM HIT 7
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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 ReviewsAin’t Nobody
Your rhyme scheme and melody is on point all throughout the first verse. I loved the bank account line but cringed at the Wayne/Drake line. I didn’t really like verse B too much in comparison to A. The hook’s great, short, yet sweet, simple and effective, gets your point across of the song very well, I like it. Verse 2 was pretty good as well, I liked the voodoo line the best. I didn’t like the eggs line, it was kinda awkward. This was something different than you usually do, glad you took a risk, and it paid off.
Away
The first verse was pretty simple but straight to the point. I’m mixed on it honestly, some things worked some didn’t. The white light line, didn’t really click for me. The rest of the verse is good though. The repetitiveness of reusing left in the first line of the pre-chorus was kinda off-putting as you had just used it in the last line of the first verse, but maybe I’m just nitpicking. Also wasn’t a fan of the repetitiveness with grow/pour and I think you could’ve used the same idea but instead of repeating the phrase you could’ve gone more in depth about the pain growing, blood pouring, etc. The chorus confused me a bit, what sound will this person hear when you fall, kinda an awkward line but maybe I just didn’t understand it. The same demon line in the bridge was great and is my favorite line of the song and one of my favorites in the whole game, great job.
Gay
I expected this song to be by Luke and was waiting for his sequel to I’m Gay. Anyways onto the song, this is your first rap song right? Not sure if you have done one before. I really liked the concept and the idea you were going for in the first verse. I liked the hook, simple but effective. I thought the song had a decent start, but the second verse really blew me away. It was pretty powerful and touching. But I thought the quote part was pretty awkward. The third verse was good as well but I don’t think it was as good as the second verse.
Honeyeater
The first verse was really good and I loved the storytelling of the morning you both had together. I didn’t like the lightning bolt line and that’s my only problem, it just didn’t work for me. The first half of the chorus was great, wasn’t too sure on the second half. It just wasn’t as strong. I see that Mariah reference about what exactly ‘honey’ is though. The flowery love line in the second verse was awkward, I didn’t like it. The second part of the verse was kinda sad and relatable. Relatable Chanteuse. The eating line in the bridge is awkward too. The nectar line is great though.
One Room Rave
I thought the song had a weak start, only because of the awkward ‘leg are sore’ line which made me cringe a bit. But I liked the rest of the first verse afterwards. I’m conflicted on the chorus, part of me thinks it’s really good, but I find the items/objects in your new home talking to be awkward. The second verse was great, with the mom phonecall, I liked it, it was very cute. Loved the last line of the bridge, the heartache line.
One-Way Mirror
Strong start, I really liked the first verse. My favorite line was the chemical/physical one. The pre-chorus is pretty cute, and does it’s job, basically a nice transition from the verse to chorus. I liked the analogy of the one-way mirror, it works really well. The soul approaching line in the second verse was pretty bad, and I didn’t like it at all. Also not a fan of the word muster, just a me thing but it makes me uncomfortable. The third verse confuses me, didn’t the guy always see you not on a romantic level so wouldn’t you see him as an equal? Also didn’t the guy already move on, considering he has a girlfriend.
Over
The first verse was pretty good. I feel like you could’ve down a little more in depth about some of the stuff you were talking about, like the game, your friends reaction, and what you’re addicted too. I liked the pre-chorus, the repetitiveness works. The chorus is really good, I don’t have any major problems with it. The second verse is kinda awkward though, just for the next on the list line. I really like the second chorus, the seasons comparisons were really good. I feel like you could’ve used a better word than weave.
Persephone
The leaves line at the start was awkward, but the rest of the verse was a good start. I mainly enjoyed the hand to hold line and the one about the stars. Definitely the highlight of the first verse. Not really sure how I felt about the pre-chorus, I didn’t like the start of it, it just felt clunky, but I did like the second half of the pre-chorus. The chorus was the best part of the song, I liked the line about who will break who’s heart. The second pre-chorus is much better written and is my favorite part of the song.
Red Lights
The first verse starts off strong. The best part was the both sides/stop signs line. The chorus is my favorite part of the song, definitely my favorite chorus of yours and really hits hard. The suffer line and the pain in your lover’s eyes line were great and the highlight of the second verse. Really loved the bridge, but not a huge fan of the word scar in a song and it felt like a forced rhyme with far. Otherwise, the song was really good.
Ring-A-Round
This kind of reminds me of Dollhouse, I think the video only, since it has a similar concept about a family. I liked the ring-a-round analogy that was used in the song though. The chorus is the best part, really loved it. Also, just a tip, but I think the drunk line in the second verse would’ve worked a lot better if you said “you smelled it on his breath” or something like that cause otherwise it doesn’t really work.
Ship In A Bottle
I really like the concept of your song, and the references to pirates; with the villain and thieves. I don’t really get the passive black and white line in the chorus. I thought the rest of the chorus was cheesy - in a good way of course, I really liked it. My favorite part is easily the bridge, the sparks line especially, some of your best lyricism. Also love the second verse, it reminded me of fight song a bit.
Stuck With Me
I’m mixed on the first verse, the storytelling is really great but some of the lines were kind of awkward, like the school line, and the lunchtime one. Otherwise I liked it. The pre-chorus is a huge step-up and is much better. The chorus is the best part of the song. The second verse was better than the first, and told the story in a non-awkward way. The monotone narration line is great especially. The year mentioning in the bridge is awkward. In fact, I thought the first half of the bridge was pretty weak, I liked the concept, just that it felt awkward in the way it was written.
Tough Love
The first verse goes in hard. It’s so well written. Pretty sure this is already your best song. The starlight line is probably my favorite part of the first verse. I didn’t like the repetitiveness in the pre-chorus of nothing. I liked the chorus but I thought the mentions of the song title came off rather awkward and a bit forced. Verse 2 and 3 were great but I don’t think they held a candle to the first verse. The bridge is much better than the last two verses. The ghost line is amazing.
The Tree
I really liked the first verse, I mostly loved the fact you said how the parents’ relationship will impact the way you love others. Pretty powerful line. The pre-chorus is great, short, but great. I think the tree line in the chorus is pretty awkward but despite that it’s really good. The second verse is really sad and well written. I still prefer the first though.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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Quote:
Originally posted by dwuw
But why do you only come and talk about my songs when I do bad? @Golden
I've been in the top 10 several times, but did you care about it? No.
But when Luke or Euphorian do well, you praise them.
I see how it is.
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I see how it is again.
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
Originally posted by dwuw
Well I'm sure you read Golden's post so don't play dumb.
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I can't read English sis. I'm from Spain.
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Member Since: 2/15/2010
Posts: 26,154
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Quote:
Originally posted by dwuw
But why do you drag songs? Can you even write one?
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BITCH YOU ARE LEFT WITHOUT A COMPETITION & A GIRLFRIEND SO WHO REALLY IS THE LOSER.
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
Originally posted by Bloomers
You all got Matty upset
we should have a PH story-telling time though. |
The amount of stories we been telling the last page
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Quote:
Originally posted by EuphorianSea
I can't read English sis. I'm from Spain.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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OMGgggggggg matty I love you!!!!!! 
Your review was so GOOD!!!!!!!!!
King!
And yes it's waves, I made a typo 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Wow, thanks Matty. 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 13,381
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Quote:
Originally posted by Bloomers
You all got Matty upset
we should have a PH story-telling time though. |
And I rarely get upset so that's saying something
Here, I have a story. I logged onto ATRL to read y'all songs and they LET ME DOWN. Now that's some form of storytelling, which some people couldn't do. I love you but come on, not this late into the game
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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From now on, any time someone posts the word "storytelling" they need to include a trigger warning.
(this is the only time you will EVER see me use a gif savour it)
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 13,381
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Quote:
Originally posted by dwuw
OMGgggggggg matty I love you!!!!!!
Your review was so GOOD!!!!!!!!!
King!
And yes it's waves, I made a typo |
Love you too sis
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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Quote:
Originally posted by Golden
BITCH YOU ARE LEFT WITHOUT A COMPETITION & A GIRLFRIEND SO WHO REALLY IS THE LOSER.
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OH WELL YOU ARE SPENDING YOUR TIME IN A COMPETITION YOU DIDN'T EVEN SIGN UP TO BECAUSE YOU CAN'T WRITE SONGS MEANWHILE I MADE THE TOP 15 WITH CHANCES TO HAVE A GIRLFRIEND WHILE YOU'RE ALONE
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
Tough Love
The first verse goes in hard. It’s so well written. Pretty sure this is already your best song. The starlight line is probably my favorite part of the first verse. I didn’t like the repetitiveness in the pre-chorus of nothing. I liked the chorus but I thought the mentions of the song title came off rather awkward and a bit forced. Verse 2 and 3 were great but I don’t think they held a candle to the first verse. The bridge is much better than the last two verses. The ghost line is amazing.
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I felt so weak, I felt so numb
Without, without, without your tough love
Where's the drag sis?
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Not the first rap song I ever wrote having a chance of doing better than Tender and Unravel.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 59,202
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Quote:
Stuck With Me
I’m mixed on the first verse, the storytelling is really great but some of the lines were kind of awkward, like the school line, and the lunchtime one. Otherwise I liked it. The pre-chorus is a huge step-up and is much better. The chorus is the best part of the song. The second verse was better than the first, and told the story in a non-awkward way. The monotone narration line is great especially. The year mentioning in the bridge is awkward. In fact, I thought the first half of the bridge was pretty weak, I liked the concept, just that it felt awkward in the way it was written.
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Oh... Not when the first part of the bridge was the most personal bit 
Thanks anyway 
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 23,393
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" I really liked the concept and the idea you were going for in the first verse"
"the second verse really blew me away. It was pretty powerful and touching."
. Truly didn't expect anyone to actually like it. Thanks Matty.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
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Quote:
Originally posted by conatus
Not the first rap song I ever wrote having a chance of doing better than Tender and Unravel.
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Baroque Rap
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 13,381
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Quote:
Originally posted by EuphorianSea
I felt so weak, I felt so numb
Without, without, without your tough love
Where's the drag sis?
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I said I didn't go too hard on y'all
But disappoint me again and I will
Let's see if you were one of the two people that got an 8 tho!
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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