This critique basically applies to the whole song though; the second verse especially sounds like someone talking on their phone to a friend and lacks the poeticism and structure that would make it clear these are song lyrics.
This exact style happens in a lot of R&B songs. It was what I was aiming for. Mimi does it a lot in her songs where the writing and style sounds casual as if she is speaking to a friend.
This exact style happens in a lot of R&B songs. It was what I was aiming for. Mimi does it a lot in her songs where the writing and style sounds casual as if she is speaking to a friend.
It fits with Jhenashe and her label.
Missy's Nothing Out There For Me with Beyonce is basically a phone conversation
Liar (GotSkill) : I really really liked this. It was probably your second best after Dear God. The pre-chorus was the strongest part thanks to the 2 standout lines and the whole song was conceptually very cohesive and well executed. My only problem is the last line of the chorus. I don't see how the world is done with her lies if her lies did manage to "convince them all" that you're a demon. But that's a detail.
Matty Records
Forever In A Moment (Sam) : On the one hand, I feel like this definitely fits the profile of Cat Venti and it's better than not submitting anything. I also really liked the first half of the pre-chorus, really good wordplay. Sadly, this is all the positive feedback I can give to you. Other than that, the song was full of cliches and, in my opinion, it conradicts itself. Your future with this guy has just begun yet you've only got one night to own it? And you're only living for existence? The chorus is rather pessimistic while the verses are uplifting and fun. Also, the chorus almost feels like an empowerment midtempo while the verses are an uptempo summer hit.
I'm Gay (JustLuke) : Bitch
When I first skimmed through the entry, I was far from impressed, but when I actually read it, it was cute. The pre-chorus was the best part, cause it was very tight rhyming and stressing wise and good content wise! I also liked the bridge, I thought it was really cute. Overall, I get the tongue in cheek vibe you were going for. Just watch for those awkward phrases like "throw open the closet door", "my heart's ringing no alarm" (forced rhyme) and, most importantly, "inside the growing tumor".
My biggest concern about this song however is whether it fits the challenge. This is obviously more of Matty's business, but Cat Venti was described as a pop girl who wants to record an album packed with radio friendly smash hits with a classic pop sound. I'm not sure it works that way, but I'm not your CEO anyway.
Mushy Gushy (8thPrince) : This is your worst entry so far. It's like your formula gone wrong. It started out really well, with perfect meter, catchy lyrics and good vocabulary like your usual stuff. But then the chorus was a nightmare to me. Mushy gushy simply doesn't sound good, at least to my ears. So, when it's repeated countless times in the most essential part of any pop song, the chorus, it ultimately ruins the whole song. But the worst thing was the transition of them being mushy gushy to you being mushy gushy. I get that the gypsy gave you the potion and everything, sure, but it ruins the song's coherency. You started off missing someone and begging for someone to love you and then suddenly everyone's in love with you and you're the apple of their eye. It's too hard to follow and relate to.
What I love(d) about your formula is that it managed to be simplistic, even juvenile, and still be irresistibly catchy and undeniably well written. This song sretches that formula too much with juvenile verging on silly. I tried to read it as a camp, theatric song and it did kind of work, but not completely, since I would still probably cringe at the chorus and the transition even if I heard this as a camp, theatric song.
To You... (Hugamari) : Huga girl you did it
This song did manage to prove you're not a one-trick pony. It's beautifully written and the bridge finished me
All I can point out is that there are quite a lot of cliches. You did use them well, so they didn't really bother me that much, but the song would be total slayage if the cliches had been removed and rewritten. But I still really loved this song, great work
MonarC Records
Embrace (EuphorianSea) : Hmm... I like it, it works for the label you chose and everything. You're also getting better at execution. However, after reading the song 4 times, I still don't get the nature of your relationship with the person you're adressing, cause the lack of conceptual coherency leads to mixed messages :
1st verse : you love one another, your relationship gets better every day and (s)he's the fuel to your fire.
Pre-chorus : it's you that breathes purpose into his / her life and (s)he fears your words.
Chorus : you put the storyline aside to tell him/her to embrace stuff.
Post chorus : You want to save him, but from what?
2nd verse : you don't want to hurt or cry, so you introduce sad imagery to a song that was until that point generally uplifting
Bridge : you stopped growing as one, yet his/ her embarace still carries you
Don't take this detailed review as a drag, it's more about taking the time to really show you what I didn't like so that you can fix it. Other than the conceptual confusion, the song was solid execution wise.
Ferris Wheel (Era) : Ugh, you did a wonderful job with the chorus It's really well written and sweet, it really evokes the emotion you intended it to. I think there's something missing from the first verse and the bridge though. I like the simplicity, but they both need that one standout line that will complete them and elevate them, as well as complete and elevate the whole song. It's still a really good entry from you and, from a technical perspective, you keep improving
Heartwater (keshaspearsxo) : Yaaaaaaasssssss, you did it gurl!!! This is it! This song finally recaptured the magic of the other songs I've read from you before PH7. Tree came close, but this one is really it! I loved your metaphors and how consistent they were, I loved your vocabulary, I loved the simplicity, I loved it! The only part I wish was changed is the bridge. It feels rather underworked and it doesn't evoke the same freshness and magic as the rest of the song. But hey, that's the only part I didn't love, so
Tymphonic Records
Devil's Grin (BlueM) : This was solid. I liked the execution. I wasn't a big fan of "chewed hole" or the nebulas line, so watch for those few awkward word choices (and also for filler words like "just") that can let the song down. But other than that, it was your second best entry after COD.
Freak (ClarksonSlays) : Hmm... this was an interesting approach. You signing up to Tymphonic (instead of MonarC) and Jezang signing up to me (instead of Matty) were the two biggest surprises of the week for me. I think you did a solid job given that this was not in your comfort zone and I absolutely loved the bridge, but overall it's definitely not your strongest entry.
In a way, I feel like it lacks content. It's a lengthy enough song, but despite the quantity, most of the lines could be narrowed down to just one verse. It's just about you saying you're a freak, a beast. There's no evolution for the most part. I did like the little storyline about someone bringing you to the dark room, which paints the other person to be the villain and not you, but that storyline was never developped. I also thought the outro emphasized the anticlimax and staticness I'm referring to cause it confirmed that you took all this time to present yourself as a dangerous monster, yet ultimately we didn't see you hurting anybody, you didn't tell us why you're a freak, who turned you into one, who do you seek revenge from, how will you get that revenge... you know. I know it sounds like I'm dragging you, but it wasn't a bad entry by any means. I just want to point out exactly what kept me from loving it.
Reptile (inuborg) : "When I'm on pills play ugly for daddy" was such a good opening line and it stands out in this round for me. It has a rawness to it that appeals to me. Both of your pre-choruses were also quite exceptional and well written. I also liked the "spite-spit" wordplay, despite "spit" not being a word I usually love to see in lyrics. However, the chorus was a little weak for me. The "reptile" metaphor is only prominent in the chorus anyway, so maybe it's the metaphor itself that I dislike, rather than the chorus. I also thought the second verse was rather pointless and clumsy in execution, but the bridge made up for it. Overall, this is just as far from your best entry as it is from your worst one.
Unravel (conatus) : I really loved the pre-chorus. It was the highlight of your song and one of the highlights of the whole round. I also loved the second verse. Other than that, this entry was your weakest so far. The chorus was a non-event, which didn't really bother me at first, but the filler word "and" being used in every line to put the meter together annoyed me a bit. I'm against filler words in general, although we all resort to them sometimes, but using the same one three times in the most essential part of your song was not the best idea. The entry was still good, I enjoyed reading it and there was nothing wrong with it, but it didn't wow me overall.
All this stupid comment is telling us is that our judging obviously went over YOUR head -- I can't imagine any of us judges are as stupid as you think we are in that we didn't 'understand' that your song was meant to be humorous.
The problem is not that you wrote a humorous song, but that you wrote one (full of banal language) about being gay and tried to pitch it to Cat Venti as a smash single. Did you read the assignment or are you just oblivious as to what would actually be a hit?
Ohh sorry my eyes quickly skipped over that part lmao
I'm on the fence with Love Me, anything's better than Double Rainbow tho
It's okay sis
Now, don't you drag Double Rainbow. It's amazing, and so is Love Me. Love Me is empowering, it's about learning how to love yourself and take control of your own life.
No more second guessing
No, there’s no more questioning
I’ll be the one defining who I'm gonna be
No concealing feelings, or changing seasonally
I’m gonna love myself, the way I want you to love me
I feel like me talking about my song in the thread actually caused some damage I appreciate the feedback though Tymps, I don't really disagree with any of it.
I'll see you all later.
Blooming Up Records
It's really well written and sweet, it really evokes the emotion you intended it to. I think there's something missing from the first verse and the bridge though. I like the simplicity, but they both need that one standout line that will complete them and elevate them, as well as complete and elevate the whole song. It's still a really good entry from you and, from a technical perspective, you keep improving 
