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Tournament: PLΔTINUM HIT 7
Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nait Phoenix
Maybe I should stop writing my songs like songs. No one understands them as songs, only poetry without melody. I'm starting to realize that. Besides, melody doesn't affect my chances (even though this is a songwriting competition, not a lyric competition), so I might as well stop trying to make these full-length songs like the competition this is based off of did.
Alright, from this day on, I'm done recording my material for this game. I'm just going to write the words, regardless of rhythm or melody. All that matters are the words and meaning, right?  |
Nnnnn the passive-aggressiveness
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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 Part 2Mother and Father (conatus): I really enjoyed this song. It’s not a wholly revolutionary idea yet something still fels fresh and new about it. I love the last two lines of the chorus especially. I just feel like this song falters a little bit come the third verse. It just felt like it wasn’t needed.
Music for the Deaf (keshaspearsxo): Slay me with that QOTSA plagiarism! nah jk, anyhow, I felt the chorus was very powerful but that the rest of the song could’ve used more of a punch. It felt like you were pulling back a little. Your theme was chaos, and I would’ve loved to see you get a little chaotic yourself (see The Ideal Husband by Father John Misty as an example). You had an opportunity to go crazy and I would’ve liked if you took it.
My Paradise (Sam ): I like this song! You took what could potentially be a hard theme to work with and developed a good approach to it. I still think that the song could be less trite in some spots, though, such as “Every day becomes a night”.
One (Pecinta Mariah): This song just kind of passed me by. There wasn’t any line that grabbed me, and it felt like it should’ve been longer. and should’ve had more ideas. Conciseness is one thing but shortness is another. I hope that in your future songwriting you pay more attention to adding more complexity and keeping the attention of the reader/listener.
Overflow (inuborg): You took an obvious approach to confidence but you did it well. The verses were by far completely overshadowing the chorus, which felt really basic and unneeded. You had some clever wordplay though, and considering the verses alone this was one of my favorite rap songs submitted this season. I loved the decimal line
Perfect Storm (Era): There are some cool things going on in this song! Changing words in the chorus is cool when used in a couple songs but once it starts being every song it's kinda tacky. I want you to avoid lines that feel plain, like as darkness swallowing a soul and such. It really takes away from the experience.
Red River (Musickid203): You talked about really horrible things, but you just kind of.. stated them, which made them feel desensitized. These things should be difficult to talk about. Easily referencing self-harm like that is almost a little offensive. It also felt like you were using these things for shock value, like when you randomly mentioned abortion. Obviously it wasn’t your intention to be offensive but the whole thing was rather disrespectful. Hopefully you can learn from this song; you’ve gotten so much better since the first time you played and this is hopefully just a bump in the road.
Sanity (Buyonce1814): Do you even know what sanity means? I thought I was losing my sanity reading this trash.  (Wall me if you want actual feedback bby I just thought this would be funny.)
Through the Night (GotSkill): This was pretty good, but a bit of a departure from the magic of your previous songs. The line the title came from in the chorus just did not feel strong enough to warrant being responsible for the title. Really I felt like it needed more punch, it needed some lines that grabbed my attention. It feels a little like you were playing it safe. I did think the numbers thing was cool though.
Tug of War (EuphorianSea): I can tell you’ve been listening more to the judge’s feedback. I think with this song you were able to harness in your unique and idiosyncratic style with a certain level of accessibility. I love the line “Prayers won't ever give you answers” because it’s honestly just so true but it’s also not a line you would hear in every song. My main problem was just to keep a rhyme structure in mind even for the bridge despite bridges normally being more freeform. I think this song does mark a great improvement, though.
Wrecked Inside (BlueM): I like poeticism, but this song felt like it was on the verge of just being a poem. The ideas were cool, like “prison of luxury”, but could’ve been executed in a way that would make this song more clearly a song. For instance, you could more informal grammar, instead of “And at first…”. Good job though!
Zig Zag (8thPrince): I think I’ve had this problem with one of your songs in the past (I think you were the one who wrote Beep Beep?) but sometimes ideas are a little too silly for songs, and I think zig zag would be one of those. Conceptually this duality thing is pretty neat. I just think some of the lines could have been revised or executed differently to improve this song.
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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Quote:
Originally posted by EuphorianSea
Nnnnn the passive-aggressiveness |
I'm really good at that.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Quote:
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Mother and Father (conatus): I really enjoyed this song. It’s not a wholly revolutionary idea yet something still fels fresh and new about it. I love the last two lines of the chorus especially. I just feel like this song falters a little bit come the third verse. It just felt like it wasn’t needed.
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Oh, really? I felt like the song was too short without a bridge/extra verse to pad it out.
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Member Since: 8/18/2013
Posts: 12,955
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Quote:
Originally posted by EuphorianSea
Mess if I don't make it into the top 10 this week
Y'all bitches need to flop harder pls
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ddd;
It seems majority of us are flopping this week 
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Member Since: 2/15/2010
Posts: 26,154
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Quote:
Originally posted by EuphorianSea
At least I said it before you 
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Floppy ass bitch!
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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It is what it is
If they don't like what you got, deal with it, ex-host
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 59,202
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Quote:
Originally posted by EuphorianSea
I actually want you to slay the competition so bad even if it doesn't seem like it.
The new and improved MattyTacos.
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Aw, thank you.
I wish I could say the same, but you do you!
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nait Phoenix
Maybe I should stop writing my songs like songs. No one understands them as songs, only poetry without melody. I'm starting to realize that. Besides, melody doesn't affect my chances (even though this is a songwriting competition, not a lyric competition), so I might as well stop trying to make these full-length songs like the competition this is based off of did.
Alright, from this day on, I'm done recording my material for this game. I'm just going to write the words, regardless of rhythm or melody. All that matters are the words and meaning, right? |
I don't want to discourage you. We've both been involved with this game for a while and we both are well aware of some of the flaws involving the structure of this game and how you can't hear the songs. But if no section of your song repeats lyrically, that does make it less song-like. As I said in my comment, you could've helped alleviate this by having more than one appearance of the chorus.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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Sanity (Buyonce1814): Do you even know what sanity means? I thought I was losing my sanity reading this trash. (Wall me if you want actual feedback bby I just thought this would be funny.)
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Member Since: 8/17/2013
Posts: 1,426
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Not Tymps' review completely restoring my confidence (no pun intended)
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Quote:
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Do you even know what sanity means? I thought I was losing my sanity reading this trash.
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
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Tug of War (EuphorianSea): I can tell you’ve been listening more to the judge’s feedback. I think with this song you were able to harness in your unique and idiosyncratic style with a certain level of accessibility. I love the line “Prayers won't ever give you answers” because it’s honestly just so true but it’s also not a line you would hear in every song. My main problem was just to keep a rhyme structure in mind even for the bridge despite bridges normally being more freeform. I think this song does mark a great improvement, though.
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Oh no, my eyes are ejaculating again. I'm so glad you noticed. I might be a little aggressive/dismissive towards the judges but that's because I really care what y'all think so I'm disappointed in myself when I don't do my best. And yes! I love the line "Prayers won't ever give you answers" because I've heard it all my life to "stay strong" and blah blah blah. What's the point of hoping if that - in fact - will be indefinite? Meaning; I'm hoping for the sake of hoping. I'm glad I managed to adapt my style in a way that's palatable  I get what you mean about the bridge. Tbh I wrote it very off-the-cuff which is why it isn't as polished. I liked how it flowed conceptually so I kept it like that.
Thank you so much! 
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
Originally posted by JustLuke
Aw, thank you.
I wish I could say the same, but you do you!
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Wow she so bad.... literally
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Sanity (Buyonce1814): Do you even know what sanity means? I thought I was losing my sanity reading this trash. (Wall me if you want actual feedback bby I just thought this would be funny.)
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Member Since: 3/27/2012
Posts: 27,951
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Lemme just get ready to pack up my bags.
I'm feeling, entertained. The judges were interesting. The comments were interesting. I don't think it would have mattered if I had done anything differently. One week a judge wants more creativity, the next week "I'm too creative and need to pull it back."
I guess you play the game and then go. Congrats Contenus or w/e or Sam on winning this season!
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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thank you Tymps
I tried to keep it as realistic as possible because I think something too dramatic would've been weird
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Member Since: 8/17/2013
Posts: 1,426
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Quote:
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You had some clever wordplay though, and considering the verses alone this was one of my favorite rap songs submitted this season. I loved the decimal line
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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Quote:
Originally posted by EuphorianSea
Oh no, my eyes are ejaculating again. I'm so glad you noticed. I might be a little aggressive/dismissive towards the judges but that's because I really care what y'all think so I'm disappointed in myself when I don't do my best. And yes! I love the line "Prayers won't ever give you answers" because I've heard it all my life to "stay strong" and blah blah blah. What's the point of hoping if that - in fact - will be indefinite? Meaning; I'm hoping for the sake of hoping. I'm glad I managed to adapt my style in a way that's palatable I get what you mean about the bridge. Tbh I wrote it very off-the-cuff which is why it isn't as polished. I liked how it flowed conceptually so I kept it like that.
Thank you so much!
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You are such a hot mess, Euphoressay.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Quote:
Originally posted by DripDrip
Lemme just get ready to pack up my bags.
I'm feeling, entertained. The judges were interesting. The comments were interesting. I don't think it would have mattered if I had done anything differently. One week a judge wants more creativity, the next week "I'm too creative and need to pull it back."
I guess you play the game and then go. Congrats Contenus or w/e or Sam on winning this season!
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But I'm your biggest stan, how can you do this to me? 
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