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Tournament: PLΔTINUM HIT 7
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Quote:
Originally posted by keshaspearsxo
im here
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Kewl
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Next page 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 59,202
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Can we post it now 
Thanks.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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 Part 1Against All Odds (EuphorianSea) - The chorus doesn't feel as strong as the verse and pre-chorus, but I really liked your verse, especially the penultimate line. I especially liked how the two parts of your verse almost seemed to mirror each other in content and structure. I don't even mind the aliens line! It might not mesh well with the overall tone, but it adds a certain quirkiness I like. Be careful about lines like that though, "aliens" may be a bit too fantastical and distract from the more realistic tone of your song.
All I Have (JustLuke) - What a strong opening line! The hail line in the chorus feels a bit out of place. I do also wish that your pre-chorus transitioned between the verse and chorus better since it really doesn't add to much to the song beyond showcasing the singer's actual feelings which are easy to pick up on from the verse and chorus (to be honest, the pre-chorus actually feels slightly out of place and you might actually have a stronger, more effective song without it). Solid entry though.
All Of Me (Hugamari) - I like how you didn't really write anymore than you really needed to and I think the economy of your words makes your song more effective. Each part of the verse seemed to lead nicely to the next and I liked the build of the song. That being said, a couple rhymes feel a little forced to me: lines 12 and 16 in particular, especially contrasted with your more organic sounding rhymes throughout the rest of the song (although to be fair, they add a cheeky tone to the song, but that tone does conflict with the seemingly more passionate one of the rest of the song). That being said, all of me likes your song!
Another Day In Paradise (BlueM) - The chorus does seem to be weaker than the verse. The last line especially doesn't seem to fit well and the phrasing of the last two lines of the chorus feels awkward to me. Interesting verse though. I do get a sense of unease from the excessive dedication of the apologetic subject of the song especially with all the exact detail he seems to be discussing things and in addition to the fact that he seems to be constantly watching the other person.
Bad (Obsession) - The use of "Bad" in the song and in the last line of the chorus does feel forced somewhat since a lot of your language is more showy and literary. A couple other rhymes here feel slightly forced or predictable (the rhymes in lines 3 and 4 of the chorus and lines 5 and 6 of the chorus). That being said, you took the song in an interesting direction and I like how the questions are used to show some bitterness and frustration toward the former love and I loved the word play with the hands in the 5th line of the chorus. Good hand job!
Bad Medicine (8thPrince) - I do really like the first part of your chorus , it seemed to have the closest tie-in with your song's subject; however, I really wasn't able to pick up much on why this person is the "Bad Medicine" other than being explicitly told. I do get the sense from the song that the person loves the "Bad Medicine," I just wish I had a better idea of why this person is bad, other than tasting sour.
Believe (Kesha Rose) - The subject of the song has been done before of course, but there's nothing wrong with that if you have enough personality in your lyrics to add a more individual touch. I think your lyrics came across as a little silly but that seems to be the point; I particularly like that line about magic in the pre-chorus. The chorus can be streamlined and smoothed out (the 2nd line and the 5th particularly). I like it though, I believe in you.
Blame It On The Rain (Blue.) - Great opening line, I was immediately hooked and reminded me of Maroon 5 (in a good way!) I do think that you could smooth out some of the structure here and I would say that sometimes less is more with regards to your repeating "nothing out there line" in your first verse. I kind of read this as a sparse acoustic song and largely I think this works
Broken Wings (HausofNiko)- The message of the chorus of your song was pretty great. I could see this song being an uptempo triumphant theme song for something! However, watch out that you don't go into cheesy territory here, I don't think you do get there, but you get close (the first couple lines of your verse in particular) and I do think a couple parts could be smoother and flow better (see your first two lines) but I do like it as a whole.
Burn (TheCheetahwings) - You could work on the rhythm, I kept expecting it to flow smoothly and I never quite got that and I think that more consistent rhyming and a better flow would really elevate your song. I liked the subject of the song though and the final line of your verse was unexpected, direct, and got a chuckle out of me, as did the sarcasm in the chorus. Work on making your song flow like the first and third lines of your pre-chorus and I think you could have a song that builds pretty nicely.
Diamonds (Element) - I read the first part of the verse almost in a Nicki Minaj-like voice; "unconditional" seemed to throw off the flow slightly at the beginning, but I liked the opening. There are parts that might come across as cheesy (line 9 and 10 of the verse and line 3 of the chorus); but overall, it feels fully realized and you brought it hard (like a diamond) with this one, it's pretty anthemic!
End Of The Road (The Original High) - I almost feel like this could be the epic opening song to a concept album or something similar. My suggestion here would be: that sometimes if you explain a metaphor as you do in line 4, sometimes it weakens the meaning or intent of the metaphor; but the song definitely builds and goes to an interesting place, and the end of the chorus leaves me wanting to hear more.
Every Breath You Take (Pecinta Mariah) - It does read as a poem and you could improve the rhythm to help this flow better but you set the mood of the song well and it's easy to get a sense of near urgency from your dramatic word choice; it's all very charged and I think that makes it engaging and easy to feel (I really like what you captured with your first two verse lines and your use of the title phrase).
Faith (DripDrip) - The royal imagery was a nice touch, it simultaneously allowed you to seemingly brag (with the fourth line of the verse) do some word play (the card reference and the different uses of the same word in the third line of the first verse and first line of the second verse was very nice) and the imagery also gave the song a sense of irony. I also loved your story telling; you were able to effectively communicate very complex subject matter and make it relateable in a way that was equal parts humorous and affecting. I do think that the structure of the song (the flow especially) can be improved upon and your use of the title phrase in the song felt a little bit like an afterthought, but excellent work with the lyrics
Fancy (MileyCyrusStan) - Firstly, I really like how you used the song title in this song; you made the song title into a subject that feels completely natural. In fact, the concept of your song was one of my favorites and I thought you really communicated the subject and the emotions well. However, the structure of the song could be improved and (the verse and pre-chorus especially) reads more like a diary entry than a song at times. A couple rhymes and more consistent meter would only make the song stronger. You have a great start to a song though.
Fantasy (Keshafied) - You took a darker approach with this one. A lot of the language you use gives a more mysterious tone and the rhymes were pretty interesting. I'm not too sure about your chorus though; I see where you were going with it, but I do think that it doesn't work as well as the verse.
Firework (Eros) - Wow! The way that you used your words here to convey a frustrated and angry state of mind post-separation was really impressive (that line about drinking, in particular was a stellar little detail). The song meandered, and definitely felt like rambling at times but that really fit the mood and purpose of the song. Even the flow of the song seemed to pulse angrily. If I have a minor criticism it's that the post-chorus feels out of place and the song title use in the song feels stretched.
Happy (Sam) - Your verse analogy was pretty well done and I loved the second part of the verse in particular. You did seem to add some little touches to your song that elevated it: the alliteration in the third line, the extended metaphor throughout in the verse and this was all done while keeping a solid structure to your song. I do think that parts of the song got close to being sappy (the fourth line of the chorus and the second of the pre-chorus) but you hit on some emotion - that last line of the pre-chorus is killer. I'm happy with your entry. Nice work
I'll Be Missing You (conatus) - The chorus is very well-written and has a great flow rhythmically. It's very well-done. I really like the approach you took for the song's concept as well, I enjoyed the song's build as the verse slowly revealed the subject of the song. If I have a criticism, it's that the lines of the pre-chorus may be a little too long to smoothly transition from verse to chorus and the rhythm in the verse isn't as tight as the rest of the song. Excellent entry overall though
Irreplaceable (ClarksonSlays) - You're imagery is very impressive, the way that you add all this intense imagery like the planet lyric in third line of the verse, but it still feels natural and not overblown or try-hard. The verse is very consistent in tone and that makes it very strong; although, I do not think I'm crazy about the last couplet of the verse, it feels slightly forced. I don't think the chorus is as strong as the verse, but it does come together in the end. That being said, still a strong entry.
Just Give Me A Reason (ForeverNow90)- Simple but effective. I'm not sure if I like the bridge in this case and it feels a little impersonal, but the song is solid
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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The praise.
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Mmm not bad at all 
I honestly don't see why the aliens line is such a big deal but I get it.
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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If I survive my next song is starting with an A I'm not here for being at the bottom (lol someone say it) again
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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The medium praise, with this I'm hoping to get top 20
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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Sam, cona, and clarkson getting praised
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Member Since: 3/14/2013
Posts: 19,449
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Quote:
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Just Give Me A Reason (ForeverNow90)- Simple but effective. I'm not sure if I like the bridge in this case and it feels a little impersonal, but the song is solid
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1 Positive [FFS], 1 Mixed [BBHMM] & 1 Negative review [AO2].
An #R8 tea.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 59,202
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Yay positive
Thank you 
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
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I especially liked how the two parts of your verse almost seemed to mirror each other in content and structure.
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Yay thanks! 
I was inspired by Teenage Dream and wanted both parts of my verse to be similar in that respect.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 31,895
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Nice review! 
I always wish I could record the melody for the judges so that they could see exactly what I meant with my rhythmic selections.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Quote:
Originally posted by Element
Nice review!
I always wish I could record the melody for the judges so that they could see exactly what I meant with my rhythmic selections. |
You can do it if you want to. You won't gain or lose points for it, but if it's something you want to do, it's not forbidden by any means 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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An overall good review I guess.  conatus' was better tho. 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
An overall good review I guess. conatus' was better tho. |
Loving the little rivalry. The Britney and Christina of PH7? 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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First real positive review And the chorus is def weaker than the verse, I should've made it longer 
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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Eros wrote two songs!? 
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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Quote:
Originally posted by Element
Nice review!
I always wish I could record the melody for the judges so that they could see exactly what I meant with my rhythmic selections. |
Me too, but I can't sing. These comments better not take away too many points cause...
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