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Tournament: PLΔTINUM HIT 7
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
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nnn the anxiety.
Why do i always choose S or T titles?
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Buyonce's song is basically a Memoirs bonus track so he has Truthy and Fefe on lock.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 7,055
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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 Part 3Jezang Looz - See You Again : Jezang gurl, I'm actually really sorry to do this, cause you're one of the most passionate contestants, so I'm rooting for you  Last week your main criticism was that you made a pleasant, yet ultimately basic song. This week, you failed to get rid of the basicness and also made a song that wasn't pleasant to read. The second half of the verse had rhyming issues and miscounted syllabes and every line of the song was cliche. I'm really really sorry to be typing this, cause I feel like, for your passion alone, you deserve to go far in the game.
■YoungCalifornia■ - Shout : I loved the concept and some of the lines were gold ("hold...-...time" was the trinity of best lines for me). But some other lines were sloppy (the lines including "birthdays", "streetlife", "heights") and the first half of the chorus lacks rhyming and pace.
highdefinition - Smooth : Short, but kinda sweet. It's not anything groundbreaking as you may realize yourself, but it's well written and the first 4 lines of the chorus were a bit of a stroke of genius with their catchiness and quality rhyming. If the verse was stonger, this would have been more than just a solid entry.
LoKoPaNdA - Somebody That I Used To Know : You definitely snatched extra points for switching the title up so much. Turning it into a diss track was a very unexpected, yet creative move so kudos for that. However, if you're going to write a diss track, you need to go HARD. If it doesn't at least try to be Ether 2.0, it shouldn't exist. Your song didn't hit as hard as a diss track should. I've seen some of your posts on ATRL and you're one of the nicest members to ever exist in this shadefest, so that's probably why it didn't work. Your poem in round 1 was beautiful and I told you you intrigued me but this is far from the desired follow-up
Era - Someone Like You : Aww, it's a really really beautiful song  It's well written and well rhymed and it's good to see you're already developping a style. Your writing is very romantic, classy and simplistic, or at least that's what it's shaping up to be in its early stages. This is great for round 2, but I'd love to see you explore concepts outside of the familiar topics in the future, cause the element of cliche is present in the song.
GotSkill - Teenage Dream : The verse was one of the most well written things I've read in this round. Perfect pace and meter, amazing vocabulary choices. The main thing that holds the song back is the first half of the chorus. It just doesn't feel like a chorus to me. It's not just the overly poetic word choices that let it down, it's also that pace wise and even content wise it evokes less intensity than the verse, so it creates an anticlimax. On a brighter note, "we'd kill to feel alive" is my favorite line of the round.
inuborg - The First Night : You definitely have a way with words Everything's so well written, balanced and eloquent. The rhyming is flawless and so is the meter and overall structure. Your word choices elevated the concept and the consistency of your theme (game, cards, playing, losing) is appreciated. However, I wasn't necessarily a fan of the skeleton line and that I could use a few more standout phrases with that wow factor of your first entry. Also, your pre-chorus may be my favorite part, but it conveys that you have the upper hand in the game, while in the chorus you say you lost.
Nait Phoenix - The Monster : Yeah, this totally finished me. I don't really have anything to point out, I think it was literally perfect in every aspect. I didn't give you any extra points for the recording you included, cause this is all about the lyrics, but you didn't need extra points anyway.
bobbleheadorger - Time After Time : really really sweet and relatable concept, like last time. I also loved the imagery with the "light" and then the "stars", that gave the song a good vibe. What I would like you to do is find your own, special voice. This song is well written and I loved reading it, but pour more of your personality into your songs so that the outcome will be something that can't be replicated or hasn't been done before. I want more YOU in it 
lovesong - Together Again : I'm slightly disappointed by this, because Stilness was one of my favorite songs in round 1 and this is a sophomore slump  The second half of the verse and the first 2 lines of the chorus were good but they can't carry the whole song. I was also hoping for you to twist the subject a little bit more. However, there's something about the way you write that shows so much promise to me. You have a certain class and subtlety about your phrasing and structure, I can't really put my finger on it. You're very polished, in a good way. So I still believe in you and you're still one of my favorite contestants.
posh - Touch My Body : Based on how you seemed to feel about your entry, I was expecting to read some kind of abomination that would make me eternally ashamed of humanity, but it was actually great  It's the most rhythmic, pulsating entry of the week, it evokes passion and a certain fast-paced homoerotic badbitchness that adds charm to what could have been a dry sex song. The whole "bo-da dee da dee" mess is not something I wish to ever discuss and I'll pretend it never happened. You could have at least rhymed it with "daddy", the word that makes even the worst things in life a little more tolerable, but you dind't. Endearingly messy I suppose.
moijejoue - Try Again : Here's the thing about this song. Some lines are pure magic and some others hold them down. Your songwriting style is like my fave's career since 2008. Some glimpses of perfection are there, but the few strokes of genius are cancelled by an equal number of misstpes. Literally everything in the song is 50% amazing and 50% not amazing. The chorus is a great example, where the second half is literally perfect, moving, simple and a flawless way to twist the title, while the first half is uneventful and rather sloppy. The bridge is the exact same way, with the second half being stunning and the first half being forgettable. I'm really intrigued by you though, you have something good.
KillingYourCareer - Waterfalls : Well written. You possess the skill of writing a solid song, definitely. I'm looking forward to you taking your concepts further and making them either more personal or more unique, but the song works for the topic you chose.
keshaspearsxo - Wrecking Ball : this started out exceptionally. Lines 3 and 4, while simplistic, are amazing and very relatable. Now, the rest of the song...The main problem is how little impact the chorus makes. There are stressing and meter issues that you never seemed to have before and it's quite clearly underworked. The second half of the verse is also rather weak. You can do much much much better
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Quote:
Originally posted by conatus
Buyonce's song is basically a Memoirs bonus track so he has Truthy and Fefe on lock.
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But I HATE Memoirs 
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 23,393
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Quote:
Originally posted by conatus
Buyonce's song is basically a Memoirs bonus track so he has Truthy and Fefe on lock.
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I scrapped that and wrote another one 
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Wrap me like a present, I'll be your gift in the present
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Member Since: 2/26/2012
Posts: 23,655
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Quote:
Originally posted by conatus
Buyonce's song is basically a Memoirs bonus track so he has Truthy and Fefe on lock.
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truthy is not really a fan of memoirs tho
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Quote:
Originally posted by Truth Teller
But I HATE Memoirs |
Quote:
Originally posted by Buyonce1814
I scrapped that and wrote another one |
Oop.
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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You're still good to me if you're a maggot baby
a maggot baby
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Omg poor Jezang.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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Cause girl you're perfect
You're always worth it
And you deserve it
The way you work it
Cause girl you earned it
Girl you earned it
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Member Since: 8/31/2013
Posts: 21,462
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Quote:
Originally posted by EuphorianSea
Was it Let It Flow?  |
Quote:
Originally posted by Truth Teller
Find Me A Man?  |
Quote:
Originally posted by Nait Phoenix
Come on Over Here?
You're Making Me High?
Why Should I Care?  |
 @ Euphoria. It was HCAABMH.
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hugamari
Omg poor Jezang. |
Like he said, **** happens
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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Quote:
Originally posted by Truth Teller
Nait Phoenix - The Monster : Yeah, this totally finished me. I don't really have anything to point out, I think it was literally perfect in every aspect. I didn't give you any extra points for the recording you included, cause this is all about the lyrics, but you didn't need extra points anyway. |
OMG…
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
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Quote:
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I'm slightly disappointed by this, because Stilness was one of my favorite songs in round 1 and this is a sophomore slump The second half of the verse and the first 2 lines of the chorus were good but they can't carry the whole song. I was also hoping for you to twist the subject a little bit more.
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I think I get what you mean. I worked a lot on the first part of the verse because there was always something off, and it just wasn't working. I should have tried something else altogether, but thank you for the feedback!
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However, there's something about the way you write that shows so much promise to me. You have a certain class and subtlety about your phrasing and structure, I can't really put my finger on it. You're very polished, in a good way. So I still believe in you and you're still one of my favorite contestants.
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And thank you for this! This really makes me feel like i'm on the right track but just need to take a step back and really try to work out the details. I definitely think I will do better for the next round!
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
Originally posted by feelslikeadream
@ Euphoria. It was HCAABMH. |
What kinda long ass username..
Oh wait 
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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This will sound nitpicky, but I do not like the way the instrumental goes in Give Me Love. If a few notes were changed I'd probably live for it, but as it stands I don't like it much.
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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(ohhh) I'm seeing all the signs from above
(ohhh) I'm gonna be the one that he loves
I was made for loving him, the fashion of his love
OHHHH YEAHH EHHH
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 23,393
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Quote:
Originally posted by conatus
Oop.
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I had a choice between the Memoirs reject, the Glitter reject or the cheesecake factory reject .
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