Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Part 2
Like A Prayer (dwuw) - I thought you were supposed to use the title in your song somewhere…. Anyway, cool imagery, verse is thematically engaging, pre-chorus is unnecessary, chorus wasn’t as tight as verse.
Live Your Life (Musickid203) - I prefer the chorus here, for it’s brevity and punch, and for how you used the title. The verse is waaaaay too long/repetitive and some of the language is awkward.
Love The Way You Lie (theus) - I like the change in pace between the verse and chorus. The rhythm in the verses is hard to sing along to with those long lines; and those lines are awkward. There are a lot of phrases that don’t really make sense (covering the premise from your side; what the destiny wants to be) so I’d say to pay more attention to every word choice next time.
Magic (Saint) - Good emotion. Language was very familiar.
Nothing Compares 2 U (skwonderfactory) - I like the short lines in the chorus. The first line of the song is so wordy and it doesn’t improve much from there; most of the song is hard to read because the syntax is so messy.
Rapture (swiftie13) - Liked the overall tone and imagery, though it gets a bit convoluted; the speaker is set up as a savior in the p-c, but then in the chorus they are weak and both people are drowning. That kind of conflicting message bothers me and it starts to feel like you’re sacrificing clarity for poetic language.
See You Again (Jezang Looz) - The rhythm was good and I liked the sunrise/sunset stuff, but the rhyming was a bit easy and most of the language was unoriginal, like the concept.
Shout (YoungCalifornia) - This started off good, but the verse is much too long and has a lot of familiar/cliche language. You can cut out 50% of it. Then the chorus feels kind of rhythmless and more like a journal entry than a song.
Smooth (highdefinition) - Very Kesha. It’s OK, but I hate the word “spew.” Such an ugly word.
Somebody That I Used To Know (LoKoPaNdA) - I like how you used the title in this unique way. A lot of the language was kind of flat to me, either too conversational or just weird (like the tsar line).
Someone Like You (Era) - Cute song. Chorus was wordy.
Teenage Dream (GotSkill) - I liked your interpretation of the title and some of the lines were cool (like the puppeteer). I don’t really like how the verse starts out with a narrative that is dropped right away, but I guess in a full song it could be picked back up. And some of the word choice isn’t great—you don’t ‘overhear’ that age is a number. You were eavesdropping on someone and they said that? That’s a common enough phrase that one ‘hears’ it or is ‘told’ it tbh.
The First Night (inuborg) - This is the strongest song conceptually (in batch 1) and you do great work presenting original and thought-provoking figurative language. Some of the wording felt forced or awkward (deemed pitiful, down came it all, pierced my skeleton—pierced BONE?).
The Monster (Nait Phoenix) - The rhythm was tight and the chorus in the recorded track slayed me a bit. Some of the language was too ordinary or awkward; for example, something can’t be “laced without” something.
Touch My Body (posh) - Basic.
Time After Time (bobbleheadroger) - This was cute. Lacked depth.
Together Again (lovesong) - The chorus was cute. A lot of the rhyming in the verse felt unnatural.
Try Again (moijejoue) - Some of the language was cool, but a lot of it was awkward, forced, or wordy (“potential fatality” does not flow well). Rhyming was a bit easy (mad/sad).
Waterfalls (KillingYourCareer) - Kind of plain.
Wrecking Ball (keshaspearsxo) - Like the pre-chorus (or 2nd part of verse?). Language is pretty banal much of the time.
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