Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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 Part 1Against All Odds (EuphorianSea) - The pre-chorus was great (scattered like stars ). The ‘fainting’ line was not. Meter was improved but still spotty in parts.
All I Have (JustLuke) - Pre-chorus was cool and I liked how you used the title. “Hidden hail” is non-sensical, ‘eyes' is plural so ‘pit’ should be too, and the rhyming was mostly forced.
All Of Me (Hugamari) - The structure/rhythm was cool. Don’t rhyme “lightning” with “enlightening” again please. It’d be good to see thematic variation and not another song about bottoming next week.
Another Day In Paradise (BlueM) - I like the way you used the title. Rhyming was off (bed/had?) at points. And I never like using ‘door’ in a rhyme, with anything, ever.
Bad (Obsession) - I like the song thematically, but the language was very ordinary and the rhyming was too easy/cheap.
Bad Medicine (8thPrince) - The idea is cute. Some word choice is awk (tablet, down you).
Believe (Kesha Rose) - This is so obviously a knock-off Kesha empowerment jam but I like it, so that’s fine.
Blame It On The Rain (Blue.) - The formatting was a bit confusing, so please label the parts of your song next time. I like the imagery and mood best. Don’t like the confusion over precipitation; blame it on the ‘rain,’ but it’s a cold, cold winter out? Sounds like it’d be snow then. And then you say “the sleet falls.” This is weird.
Broken Wings (HausofNiko) - Really like the metaphor you set up, but a lot of the language feels forced or familiar.
Burn (TheCheetahwings) - I like the repetition of ‘ooh, burn’ in the chorus. The lyrics felt a bit dull and too conversational.
Diamonds (Element) - I like how you used the title, but after the verse, the whole song is basically a list of platitudes I’ve heard a hundred times.
End of the Road (The Original High) - I love the #1 song you got Your version of it is OK but kind of basic. The tears synching line doesn’t work because rain falls really fast and there’s no way someone is crying with like 1,000 tears falling rapidly to the ground.
Fancy (MileyCyrusStan) - I like how this song was so thematically different from the #1 hit. The verse was a bit messy structurally and most of the language was pedestrian.
Every Breath You Take (Pecinta Mariah) - I like the chorus best. The verse has too many awk phrases for me (‘my spirit has altered’; “I’d meet my extinction”—why is this suddenly a conditional verb?)
Faith (DripDrip) - I like the first verse. (Also, you were supposed to submit one verse, not 2). There’s a strange disconnect between the verses (which see to be about a trans experience) and the chorus (which is about wishing for love). “For the chase” is awk.
Fantasy (Keshafied) - Like the pre-chorus. There were some word choice issues. I can’t read the censored word and don’t know what it’s supposed to be.
Firework (Eros) - The rhyming and structure were on point. Liked the tone, but too many of the lines were awkwardly worded just to fit the meter (fingertips can’t support the weight of bricks; how do fireworks “start to crack”?; “endless” is not an adverb).
Happy (Sam) - This was great. Some of the rhyming was a bit easy and “bring color back” is smoother.
I’ll Be Missing You (conatus) - Pretty tight overall, but the “I’ll be missing you” lines felt out of place rhythmically just inserted after the two 6-line parts of your chorus. Some language was too familiar (e.g. last line of pre-chorus).
Irreplaceable (ClarksonSlays) - Love the dove/crow line and the structure of the chorus. Some lines were awk (tears light as feather; why ‘grassy plateau’ except to rhyme?).
Just Give Me A Reason (ForeverNow90) - Appreciate the brevity, but the language was very familiar throughout and rhyming was easy.
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and I seriously can't write like that, it feels so restricting.
) but then I remembered he thought my pre-chorus was great so that's great. I don't really like my pre-chorus but if that's what the girls ordered then I have no right to kick them out of my boudoir. Still scared tho 