[Temporal]

Originally posted by conatus

I wrote a song for I'll Be Missing You last night, but I just wrote one for Kiss, and I need an opinion on which is better. I literally have very little time to work on it so I need help now!

hmu

[Jezang Looz]

Originally posted by EuphorianSea

Bonnie would be proud!

My song is also a lot more accessible this week, it's a lot catchier than my other ones

I think she would be too and I like catchy lemme perch for your song tho

[conatus]

When we cry we drown together

This line >>>

[ForeverNow90]

I left my indie-alt artistry behind because it landed me at a metascore of 60...

Hopefully my piano-ballad will slay and get the acclaim it deserves

[Lukey]

****, lemme just drop out now

[UFO]

Okay, Connor!

Originally posted by JustLuke

ugh

what's awkward

It sounds forced as if you're not letting the lyrics flow, if that makes sense

IIRC the previous line ends with "mine" so it feels like you came up with a random line that rhymes just so that it fits. It makes sense but it just sounds weird

[Jezang Looz]

Originally posted by EuphorianSea

Against All Odds

Lately
The humming words you feed to me
They linger in the air we breathe
I faint as hard as your warm stare
Knowing you’re there, it’s comforting

Save me
From the aliens who don’t speak
Our language that comes naturally
When we cry we drown together
Closer than ever, feel the breeze

Even if we’re islands apart
We still run towards each other’s arms
Even when we’re scattered like stars
We’ll find each other against all odds

You awake my spirit, there are no limits
We could jump over the moon
Against all odds I realise my eyes are dry
With love that could fill a room
I see the colours of what we used to fight
There aren’t any shades of blue
Against all odds we continue to believe
In everything we’ve been through

I'm about to submit.

One of the proudest songs I've ever written.

Beautiful.

Fav parts are in bold

[Hugamari]

Originally posted by JustLuke

****, lemme just drop out now

Nooo We need you herE.

[Temporal]

Euph, I like it except these two lines:

"I faint as hard as your warm stare...
From the aliens who don’t speak"

Really nice overall

[conatus]

Yeah, the aliens line feels really awkward and out-of-place.

[Jezang Looz]

Mess. I can't bold it but:

From the aliens who don’t speak
Our language that comes naturally

and

Even when we’re scattered like stars
We’ll find each other against all odds

[UFO]

Thanks everyone!

I don't think there's much left to edit so I'll submit now before I ruin it.

[Hugamari]

Originally posted by Jezang Looz

Beautiful.

Fav parts are in bold

You'll have to change the text in the collapse tag, otherwise it'll redirect to the first collapse tag with that name.

[conatus]

Hope Hunter and Euphy can help a henny out.

[Jezang Looz]

I like the alien line, it goes with the rest of the language in the song like 'scattered like stars' and 'against all odds'. Idk it gives it a spacey-vibe to it. To me it elevates the song

[UFO]

The aliens line is supposed to give a sense of isolation

[keshaspearsxo]

Originally posted by JustLuke

****, lemme just drop out now

Literally

[Jezang Looz]

Originally posted by Hugamari

You'll have to change the text in the collapse tag, otherwise it'll redirect to the first collapse tag with that name.

I know as soon as I posted it I was like ****. I'm out of luck lmao I tried though!

[UFO]

Originally posted by conatus

Hope Hunter and Euphy can help a henny out.

I'll read it now sis, hang in there

[Lukey]

Originally posted by EuphorianSea

Okay, Connor!


It sounds forced as if you're not letting the lyrics flow, if that makes sense

IIRC the previous line ends with "mine" so it feels like you came up with a random line that rhymes just so that it fits. It makes sense but it just sounds weird

So, vine is fine right? If I just edit the words before that, it wont sound so bad?

Cause I do like the word vine as that's what I feel like I'm caught in, which is why I just edited that line, so hopefully vine fits in better now