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Tournament: PLΔTINUM HIT 7
Member Since: 8/31/2013
Posts: 21,462
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Quote:
Originally posted by Pecinta Mariah
bye
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Quote:
Originally posted by JustLuke
Also, TT, where is my song in that review?  |
It will be in part 3 along with the other 4 batch entries. I won't do alphabetical for this cause it takes too much time to put together
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Bloomers, your puns 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 6,504
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Snapchat Remix got me intrigued! Wanna read it! 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 59,202
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Quote:
Originally posted by Truth Teller
It will be in part 3 along with the other 4 batch entries. I won't do alphabetical for this cause it takes too much time to put together
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Oh right, that's fine, was just wondering.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Bloomers' reviews
 Part 2Like I Care - Interesting approach. There really aren't too many songs about breaking up with a friend. I like the general structure and message but the singer goes from saying he was treated like a king in the first line of the verse to asking for someone who will return the things he does in a friendship in the pre-chorus. Little details like that could make might make the singer unsympathetic
Melting Point - I have a feeling that the central phase change metaphor here might be lost on some people. I thought it was a clever metaphor, but I don't see what the purpose of the song is. It reads like a love song but is a little too ridiculous with that metaphor to play it straight. I could see it working like some overblown Weird Alesque R&B jam though, especially with the rhymes and parentheticals you chose.
Little Birds - The rhythm in your verse was great and your rhymes weren't all too obvious and were interesting. Excellently written! Your metaphor was interesting also, but some of the language made the song slightly hard to follow
Ready For The Curtains - The verse is simple but effective. You didn't really say more than you needed to here and that's a good thing. The chorus however could be cleaned up and simplified. The ticket line also feels out of place here.
Repeater - Loved the repetition in the chorus, especially of the word "hammer," it really hammered in your point. The "keep her" "keeper" word play was also great. The only line I'm not crazy about is the "peter" line in the chorus. Very well-done though.
Silver - Your language was very poetic. I liked it and thought you used it well here. The bragging with the silver and gold methphor was subtle but a nice spin on the "I'm better than the person you're hung up on and blinded by" song.
Sing Of You - The vivid diction and literary references! I used Sparks Notes for that Iago reference because I haven't read Othello yet. I do think some parts were a bit too showy, particularly the overly specific "aorta" line.
Star Lord - I think you might get into some copyright issues with this one This is your first round and you're leaving a first impression here so you might not want to base a song off a fictional character. It's ridiculous to send in something like this and not in a good way. Although, honestly, the narration was fine and the lyrics did logically flow.
Stillness - The consonance in your chorus makes it feel cohesive. I do think though that you should be more careful with your word choice and make sure that your lyrics logically come together. The line about begging for the other person to stay is almost immediately contradicted by the line about no love or trust in the relationship. I do also think that words like "aimless" imply meandering and movement which conflicts with the theme of stillness and "pleading" suggests an activeness as well which conflicts with the still. I do like the overall tone of the lyrics though
The Prayer - The word "hoe" feels out of place, but I liked it. Neat metaphor also with the hunt of animals as the "hunt" of dating. The chorus feel a little too repetitive though and I don't know if the word play is enough to overcome that
The Spotlight - I like the message of the song and the overall meaning. I'm assuming here your choice of "leave the way" instead of "lead the way" is some word play because the subject of the song is leaving the pressures to be like everyone else behind and find the spotlight to stick out. I do think the chorus could be more focused and easier to follow though. Score:
Under Our Tree - There's some good attention to detail here. I liked how you referenced the dew on the grass, the twilight, and the fact the you called the tree "our" tree. It was a nice, almost Swiftian touch. The lyrics were sweetly romantic and hit the softy in me. I'm not sure if I buy the lyric in the chorus about it raining, especially with the attention to the dew and the fact that the characters seem content enough to fall alseep.
We Live Long - The chourus is very good. It's minor, but it's "who's" and not "whose." I read the verse as a rap with an anthemic chorus sung by a pop singer. Tighten up the rhythm in the verse a little bit; but, you wrote it's a good pop-rap song if that's what you were going for. I could see it getting radio rotation.
White Flower/Black Flower - I liked the progression in the song and the build from the white flower to black flower, it was interesting and unexpected. That imagery is beautiful as well.
Wonder Veins - I'm not sure I like the title. These lyrics seem a little too... abstract? The mix of anatomy, larger words, passive voice and figurative language made me think of Bjork. A couple lines felt unnessary and contradictory, especially the last two lines of the verse which seem to imply the two aren't together anymore ("Go back to when you were mine"), even though the rest of the lyrics imply an active relationship.I thought it was an interesting approach.
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Member Since: 9/13/2012
Posts: 29,559
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Quote:
Originally posted by OreGuy
Snapchat Remix got me intrigued! Wanna read it! |
Someone with taste, I see 
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Member Since: 2/5/2014
Posts: 29,111
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Quote:
Originally posted by EuphorianSea
Bloomers, your puns |
I can't help myself.
Though, I like to think each one is a masterpiece.
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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What is up with Star Lord?
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Let me say something specific about Bloomers commentary: I agree territory/story was forced, but that wasn't the rhyme I wanted to use.
I wanted territory/allegory (as that was my original intention and I loved it), but I couldn't get it to work, and I basically went for the next best thing, which was using territory/story as a rhyme and connecting story and allegory together to build up upon that simile I'd introduced. I can only hope it was taken the right way because I was worried about it, but kept it because it was my favorite part of the song.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Rave review from TT, Positive review from Bloomers, and a slight wig pull from Tymps. I've gotten it all 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 23,128
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Quote:
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Can't Let You Go - It was a different song than I expected from the title to be honest. It actually comes across as a fun up-tempo song. Some of the lyrics are a bit inconsistent: why would this head-over-heals in love singer be "sad" as he admits in the last line of the verse. Overall solid though
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I purposely made this a fun uptempo song  I guess there weren't many entries like this but that was the intention. We never got to finish the song so I wouldn't say the lyrics are inconsistent since the story wasn't finished (I was leading to why the singer feels sad about being in love).
This song is a "I'm so in love that it's all I think about and it makes me sad that I can't let you go" song served to you as a summer hit. Glad you thought it was solid overall though it means a lot to me! Hopefully I can do better in the future. Thank you Bloomers 
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Member Since: 9/13/2012
Posts: 29,559
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nnnnnn didn't even review mine, love it.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 59,202
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Write my name in the stars
Connect the dots to my heart
Never leave me standing still
Make me believe, this is real
To you crush <3
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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Bloomer giving me my first Mostly positive review... here for it.
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
Originally posted by ClarksonSlays
Rave review from TT, Positive review from Bloomers, and a slight wig pull from Tymps. I've gotten it all |
Let me write a song inspired by the green-eyed monster
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Quote:
Originally posted by Vespertine
nnnnnn didn't even review mine, love it.
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Part 3 coming in 5 minutes 
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Member Since: 8/31/2013
Posts: 21,462
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Quote:
Originally posted by JustLuke
Write my name in the stars
Connect the dots to my heart
Never leave me standing still
Make me believe, this is real
To you crush <3
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Oh, that song was yours?
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 59,202
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Quote:
Originally posted by feelslikeadream
Oh, that song was yours? |
Yes, why 
Don't hate on me, don't bring my mood down.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Quote:
Originally posted by Bloomers
I can't help myself.
Though, I like to think each one is a masterpiece.
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They are tbh. We should have a bonus round about puns before the finale
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