Quote:
Originally posted by Truth Teller
OK, here it is
 Analysis"You've pressed play on my own heart" doesn't work. "own" is clearly there to complete the number of syllabes and it sounds odd and a little sloppy.
" And in time the cravings restart". I wasn't feeling "restart". This isn't something you'd say in your everyday life and obviously, lyrics are not everyday language, but they're not poetry either, so you have to find a happy middle.
" But secretly madness has resumed". secretly was a filler word and "resumed" is also not a verb I'd use with madness.
None of it is a big deal and you still ranked high in my scores so I'm not dragging you! |
Nnnn I know you aren't dragging me and I really appreciate the help and the amazing compliments (which meant a lot more to me than this) but I can't help but be curious and feel a need to explain myself.
'own' definitely didn't need to be in the line but I wouldn't really regard it as a filler either. in the first part of the verse i was referring to a lover's heart so by using 'own' it specifies to me and obviously adds syllables too which is helpful nn, but i feel it also adds a little emotional depth to the lyric as well. rather than just being "my heart", "my own heart" kind of makes it seem a little more important and emphasises the fact that they are being so affected by this other person.
i have nothing to say for 'restart' but i guess i'll blacklist it and never use it again
'secretly' was more or less included just because i saw this relationship i was writing about as very passionate and kind of like a roller coaster, lots of ups and downs. just when they're in a good spot, they feel it's starting to lose control again, madness is ensuing, but they don't want to admit it, so it remains a secret.
thank you for explaining though
i'll take more care
I love those kinda rhymes, I like to use them often 
