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Tournament: PLΔTINUM HIT 7
Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
Originally posted by Obsession
All I did was reiterate what TT said, don't come at me - I didn't review your song. I can only go by what the esteemed judges have to say.
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Ok 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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REVIEWS part 3
The songs are in alphabetical order and not in any kind of a ranking
 Half Of Me Positive : I absolutely love the chorus and the key phrase of it is simple, but touching. There's a very clear and well thought pattern in the chorus that makes it work. It's one of the most well crafted choruses of the round and it could even work on radio. Great job 
Negative : I think that if you had rewritten some of the verse, the song would have been miles better. The first half has a rhyming flaw and a grammar mistake and the second half is redundant, since it's the same line rephrased and repeated.
Holy Swords
Positive : There are some great vocabulary choices that elevate the song and get the message across directly, but also beautifully. I also liked the end of the verse. I see potential
Negative : We need to work on the execution is a bit. The rhyhtm and rhyming need work. I'd advise you to count the syllabes of each line and then say the last word of each line out loud to make sure it rhymes with the last word of the previous (or the next) line. Also, remember that it's not all about fancy words. Sure, they're an advantage, but make sure they actually make sense and serve a purpose. ]
I Almost Do
Positive : The verse is very strong, especially the 3 final lines. Very well written
Negative : I would love to see more careful rhyming next time, cause "war-for" was the only strong rhyme of the song. Also, the second half of the chorus needs some improvement
I Need You Tonight
Positive : Good flow, good rhyming and your concept is consistent and makes sense.
Negative : The song didn't manage to stand out, but it's just round 1, so that's ok.
Iggy Fantastic
Positive : The rhyming is good, although most of the lines are fairly juvenile and overly simplistic. But overall, if your goal was to write a song for or about Iggy, you made it. The song definitely sounds like something Iggy Azalea would definitely record
Negative : The song definitely sounds like something Iggy Azalea would definitely record
Innocence
Positive : I love your concept, very unique and very well thought. The chorus also had a good, fast pace and the second half was very good.
Negative : The verse is too long and stucture wise, it needs to be simplified. The content also needed tweaking (the redundancy of "pain" and "heart" being used twice in the same context and the 3 major mistakes that could have been corrected with proofreading).
Into The Crowd
Positive : It sounds like an actual song, which is good. I see structure, I see catchiness, I see rhyming. I'm also a fan of "a pretty face among prettier ones", I thought that was genius and very true.
Negative : The rhythm was slightly off, so counting the syllabes would be good advice. Also, the transition from the verse to the chorus was awkward. It started off as a typical slow ballad about acceptance and then it became a dance song. You needed a pre-chorus to bring the two together smoothly
Its My Life
Positive : Very good execution. The rhyming is on point, the syllabes are on point and the 3rd and 4th line of the chorus spawned one of the best and catchiest lines of the entire round
Negative : Well, this is meant to be a fun song, so I don't have to nitpick too much. .
Journal
Positive : The final 2 lines really took the song to another level and made a metaphor that started a little sloppy come together. The first 2 lines were also a very good opener
Negative : Everything in between the first lines and the final lines, especially the awkward grammatical transition from first person to second person in the chorus and the use of the verb "received" for stitches, needs improvements in all aspects, including rhyming, pace and logical connection.
Kingdom
Positive :The repeated 2 lines of the chorus slayed my life a biT  It's all very carefully written and rhymed and, if recorded, it would sound like a life delivering bop, ngl 
Negative : You know I love you, but some of these lyrics needed to be reworked. I won't repost your lyrics obviously, but line 2 of the verse and the 4 central lines of the chorus needed to be improved before submitting imo
Like I Care
Positive : I love the concept. And you did capture the feeling of betrayal and disappointment towards a former friend / ex lover pretty well
Negative : Some lines are filler. They don't necessarily need to be there and don't add much to the song. There's one line (it includes the verb "die"  ) that packs the punch the entire song needed.
Melting Point
Positive : The first line of the verse prepared for an amazing song, it's a great first line. I also liked the consistency of the topic, how there are references of fire, melting and hot throughout the song
Negative : It felt overly simplistic, which is fine for round 1, but you could have gone a bit further with it anyway. Also, the rhyming is kinda poorly done, I'd love to see you pay more attention to the last syllab of each word to make sure it sounds good.
Poison Ivy League
Positive : The sarcasm in this song is to die for. It's so well writen, it exudes taste and quality humor. Comedic songs are either extremely good or extremely bad, cheap and attrocious. This is like upper echelon, caviar ratchet. I'm also impressed by the pre-chorus. The rhyming throughout is solid, consistent and well executed, the pace is fast and on point, there are no essential mistakes, nothing standing out the wrong way. The song made the round a lot more interesting and diverse and it's a memorable entry, which is admirable given we had 55
Negative : This is the first time you've ever written a song, so I won't go hard on you. I'll just say I will never forgive you for missing the chance to rhyme "lights" with tights instead of nights.
Ready For The Curtains
Positive : This is a very well written song. There are no rhyming flaws, the pace is good, everything is generally on point. I was also very impessed by the quality of your verse.
Negative : After the verse impressed me, the chorus definitely fell short. It might be 3 times as long as the verse, but it wasn't as powerful.
Repeater
Positive : You definitely know how to work with rhythm and meter. The song flows really well and I can hear the melody and structure you had in your head, which is impressive. I also STAN for lines 1,2 and 7 on the chorus, especially 7 
Negative : The verse wasn't very strong, so it was basically the chorus that carried the song. And it carried it exceptionally well, minus the "peter" line, which I'm far from a fan of.
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Member Since: 2/15/2010
Posts: 26,154
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Euphorian, JustLuke, dwuw, Keshaspears, just drop out already.
Y'all just don't have the it-factor.
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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Quote:
Originally posted by Obsession
All I did was reiterate what TT said, don't come at me - I didn't review your song. I can only go by what the esteemed judges have to say.
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Esteemed is a generous word
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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Quote:
Originally posted by EuphorianSea
But I helped you on that song and you even thanked me and said I gave the better advice than the judges  |
And that point stands. You've given me better advice on my songs than anyone else ever has
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 23,128
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I wanna see Gotskill's song idk which one is his.
And if I do get eliminated I'mma need a pity party right after cuz..
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
Originally posted by Golden
Euphorian, JustLuke, dwuw, Keshaspears, just drop out already.
Y'all just don't have the it-factor.
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Now sis you know we can't drop out now, not after everything we've said
SCREAMING
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Quote:
Originally posted by Truth Teller
Clarkson baby, the judges have already read and scored your entry, so if you want to celebrate, you can  |
Quote:
Positive : I'm just absolutely DONE at the literal perfection of your parallels. The silver - gold concept is the most genius thing I read in this round and it elevates the whole song much higher than an audition piece. The antique parallel was also amazing. The last 3 lines of the verse were impressive and the end of the song literally made my jaw drop
Negative : Buy Lotus on iTunes
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WHAT IS HAPPENING I should've saved that song for later 
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Member Since: 2/15/2010
Posts: 26,154
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Quote:
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Negative : The song definitely sounds like something Iggy Azalea would definitely record
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How is THIS a negative? Blasphemy.
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Member Since: 8/17/2013
Posts: 5,341
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Quote:
Originally posted by EuphorianSea
Ok |
Quote:
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You definitely know how to work with rhythm and meter.
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The irony
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Quote:
Originally posted by Truth Teller
REVIEWS part 3
The songs are in alphabetical order and not in any kind of a ranking
Half Of Me
Positive : I absolutely love the chorus and the key phrase of it is simple, but touching. There's a very clear and well thought pattern in the chorus that makes it work. It's one of the most well crafted choruses of the round and it could even work on radio. Great job
Negative : I think that if you had rewritten some of the verse, the song would have been miles better. The first half has a rhyming flaw and a grammar mistake and the second half is redundant, since it's the same line rephrased and repeated.
Holy Swords
Positive : There are some great vocabulary choices that elevate the song and get the message across directly, but also beautifully. I also liked the end of the verse. I see potential
Negative : We need to work on the execution is a bit. The rhyhtm and rhyming need work. I'd advise you to count the syllabes of each line and then say the last word of each line out loud to make sure it rhymes with the last word of the previous (or the next) line. Also, remember that it's not all about fancy words. Sure, they're an advantage, but make sure they actually make sense and serve a purpose. ]
I Almost Do
Positive : The verse is very strong, especially the 3 final lines. Very well written
Negative : I would love to see more careful rhyming next time, cause "war-for" was the only strong rhyme of the song. Also, the second half of the chorus needs some improvement
I Need You Tonight
Positive : Good flow, good rhyming and your concept is consistent and makes sense.
Negative : The song didn't manage to stand out, but it's just round 1, so that's ok.
Iggy Fantastic
Positive : The rhyming is good, although most of the lines are fairly juvenile and overly simplistic. But overall, if your goal was to write a song for or about Iggy, you made it. The song definitely sounds like something Iggy Azalea would definitely record
Negative : The song definitely sounds like something Iggy Azalea would definitely record
Innocence
Positive : I love your concept, very unique and very well thought. The chorus also had a good, fast pace and the second half was very good.
Negative : The verse is too long and stucture wise, it needs to be simplified. The content also needed tweaking (the redundancy of "pain" and "heart" being used twice in the same context and the 3 major mistakes that could have been corrected with proofreading).
Into The Crowd
Positive : It sounds like an actual song, which is good. I see structure, I see catchiness, I see rhyming. I'm also a fan of "a pretty face among prettier ones", I thought that was genius and very true.
Negative : The rhythm was slightly off, so counting the syllabes would be good advice. Also, the transition from the verse to the chorus was awkward. It started off as a typical slow ballad about acceptance and then it became a dance song. You needed a pre-chorus to bring the two together smoothly
Its My Life
Positive : Very good execution. The rhyming is on point, the syllabes are on point and the 3rd and 4th line of the chorus spawned one of the best and catchiest lines of the entire round
Negative : Well, this is meant to be a fun song, so I don't have to nitpick too much. .
Journal
Positive : The final 2 lines really took the song to another level and made a metaphor that started a little sloppy come together. The first 2 lines were also a very good opener
Negative : Everything in between the first lines and the final lines, especially the awkward grammatical transition from first person to second person in the chorus and the use of the verb "received" for stitches, needs improvements in all aspects, including rhyming, pace and logical connection.
Kingdom
Positive :The repeated 2 lines of the chorus slayed my life a biT It's all very carefully written and rhymed and, if recorded, it would sound like a life delivering bop, ngl
Negative : You know I love you, but some of these lyrics needed to be reworked. I won't repost your lyrics obviously, but line 2 of the verse and the 4 central lines of the chorus needed to be improved before submitting imo
Like I Care
Positive : I love the concept. And you did capture the feeling of betrayal and disappointment towards a former friend / ex lover pretty well
Negative : Some lines are filler. They don't necessarily need to be there and don't add much to the song. There's one line (it includes the verb "die" ) that packs the punch the entire song needed.
Melting Point
Positive : The first line of the verse prepared for an amazing song, it's a great first line. I also liked the consistency of the topic, how there are references of fire, melting and hot throughout the song
Negative : It felt overly simplistic, which is fine for round 1, but you could have gone a bit further with it anyway. Also, the rhyming is kinda poorly done, I'd love to see you pay more attention to the last syllab of each word to make sure it sounds good.
Poison Ivy League
Positive : The sarcasm in this song is to die for. It's so well writen, it exudes taste and quality humor. Comedic songs are either extremely good or extremely bad, cheap and attrocious. This is like upper echelon, caviar ratchet. I'm also impressed by the pre-chorus. The rhyming throughout is solid, consistent and well executed, the pace is fast and on point, there are no essential mistakes, nothing standing out the wrong way. The song made the round a lot more interesting and diverse and it's a memorable entry, which is admirable given we had 55
Negative : This is the first time you've ever written a song, so I won't go hard on you. I'll just say I will never forgive you for missing the chance to rhyme "lights" with tights instead of nights.
Ready For The Curtains
Positive : This is a very well written song. There are no rhyming flaws, the pace is good, everything is generally on point. I was also very impessed by the quality of your verse.
Negative : After the verse impressed me, the chorus definitely fell short. It might be 3 times as long as the verse, but it wasn't as powerful.
Repeater
Positive : You definitely know how to work with rhythm and meter. The song flows really well and I can hear the melody and structure you had in your head, which is impressive. I also STAN for lines 1,2 and 7 on the chorus, especially 7
Negative : The verse wasn't very strong, so it was basically the chorus that carried the song. And it carried it exceptionally well, minus the "peter" line, which I'm far from a fan of.
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
Originally posted by GotSkill
And that point stands. You've given me better advice on my songs than anyone else ever has
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Thank you sis, maybe I should just retire and become a judge like Hugamari did for the past 72 seasons
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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Mess Obsession I told you to change that line
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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This was HausOfNiko, wasn't it?
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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Iggy Fantastic? 
And ugh, my entry isn't in part 2 neither.
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
Originally posted by Obsession
The irony
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Omg I gave in and you're still going after me?
Get off my dick
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Member Since: 8/31/2013
Posts: 21,462
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For those of you waiting for my reviews, I advise you stop because as I said 100 times before, I didn't do reviews for this round  I'll do them when we're down to a reasonable number tho.
Why aren't the writers being announced with the reviews? I want to know who wrote each song.
And  at the judges being too inept. Like I'm pretty sure someone in an English PhD program like myself can understand your lyrics (and why they lack cohesion and sense), but OK.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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Wait till my marathon inspired song comes, Golden.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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Quote:
Originally posted by EuphorianSea
Thank you sis, maybe I should just retire and become a judge like Hugamari did for the past 72 seasons |
I'd love to have a judging panel with you and me on it next season. Hope Truthie picks a good host
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Member Since: 8/17/2013
Posts: 5,341
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Quote:
Originally posted by GotSkill
Mess Obsession I told you to change that line
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I know but I couldn't think of anything good that rhymed with the lines before and after it.
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