I’ve been sad /depressed/feeling weird for the past weeks since Katie posted that list of permabanned members. It’s not because it remembered me of Selenator being banned, but when I saw Believe in Justin, something triggered in my head. I knew that person and after I read the text, I was sure it was me, even though I didn’t remember it that good. Now I accepted this I will write this text for getting to understand me better and for you guys to accept me. First of all, I will begin describing who I am. I am not Kori in real life, neither is my name called Tin. My real name is Pieter-Jan. I have had a hard life, even if I say so. I have been bullied since I can remember because I was different than the others. I thought it was of my ADHD, which I have to take pills for, but now I think it’s something more complex. I think my mother lied to me that I have ADHD, I think I have something else. Something like multiple personality disorder, but I don’t have multiple personalities in real life, but on the internet. On the internet I created Selenator and Believe in Justin. It is hard to accept, because I didn’t know about Believe in Justin until I saw it mentioned again. The past weeks I have been trying to remember many things and slowly some pieces came back, but I still don’t remember everything. I think this is a great step for me, to know I created multiple characters online, so I guess I don’t have the disorder anymore. And I will keep this text on the desktop on my laptop, so I can read it every day so I won’t forget about it. I really have many empty time laps in my memory. I just really forget a lot. But I didn’t know my personality changed. I don’t even know if I act on the internet like I act in real life. Sometimes I am gay, sometimes I am straight and sometimes I am bisexual. I still don’t know what/who I am as a person. I guess I made these characters to know which one I was attracted more to. I feel really weird, so it’s hard to explain everything. In the beginning I was straight, but I did search ***** pictures of Joe Jonas. (I wrote this in the text which I wrote as ‘Kori’, so there still was much truth) I think I searched it to compare the ****** of mine and his. When searching that I came up on ATRL (it was this thread
http://atrl.net/forums/showthread.php?p=4077109 ). I didn’t bother checking what the forum was about, so I didn’t visit it after that. However when I was searching more information about my fave (Selena at that time) I bumped on ATRL again, and I remembered it, so I explored the forum, and I really liked it. After a while I made an account. It was called Mean Kitty (I remembered this like 3 days ago) but I forgot about the account so I created a new one, that was Selenator. At that time I was a huge Selena Gomez fan, she literally colored all my days. As I said I was bullied and she really helped to go through with life. She meant so much to me and she still has a special place in my heart. With Selenator I could finally post on the forum. I don’t know much about it, but when I think of it I remember being on school on my iPhone and checking ATRL constantly, because I had no one else to talk to. So after a while I got banned and Celestial accidentally gave me a permaban. I waited a month to see whether I could log in again, but I couldn’t so I made a Twitter account, trying to contact other users when they had their twitter in their signature. And so someone saw me and said it on ATRL. I was really mad at that time, also mad at the world, so I called Celestial a bitch on Twitter. I’m glad Celestial saw I was in a bad place, so she didn’t mind me calling her a bitch and unbanned me. After I got unbanned some people were making fun of me, because I was straight and I was angry at Celestial. Two of these users were: Owl (I don’t know his new username) and Devil. I actually trusted Owl because I talked to him on Twitter a lot. I thought he was my friend, but I really am always wrong. In real life a friend betrayed me, because I was not popular enough and his new friends said to fake the friendship with me, so they could make a prank on me. I was 13 at that time and he told me we should hang out at the park close to his house, so I went there. And I saw his with his new friends so I came to him and I asked him what we could do. He told me they were playing a game, so I had to be blindfolded and I did. They put me in a garbage container close to the bank. It smelled and my hair was nasty. I felt betrayed and mad. I never told my family because I was scared they would laugh at me. I remember crying for a few days non-stop. At that time Disney Channel came to my country so I watched it many times and soon Wizards of Waverly Place became my favorite show. I was in love with Selena Gomez. So on ATRL I was unbanned and I told people about Devil being rude to me (in threads, I read them and now they seem a little bit weird). This didn’t help anything, worse, Celestial permabanned me again. This time it was because I was ‘lunacy’. It actually hurt me, because it shows even online people don’t accept me for being who I am. So I changed myself and I acted like I was a cool person and someone else. I made an account later where I was a Justin Bieber stan. I never stanned for his music, but I did stan for his body. He is very hot, and he still is. I actually lusted him so many times and I did indeed dream about him. I’m not going to describe everything because I already did, so if you want to read about it:
http://believeintiziano.tumblr.com/p...e-rest-of-atrl . I actually feel embarrassed I exposed my thoughts then. I do love Justin Bieber and I did look for all his ***** pics, but I should’ve kept it private. Stuff like this makes me really feel weird. I thought I made a Believe in Tiziano account on ATRL but I don’t think it got accepted.
I googled Believe in Justin and Kori and it came up I also made an account as beat and Sunny Day. I remember me using names of my cousins (Tim and Sam) and acting like they were the brothers of “Kori”. I thought I could get away with them, because I know WIG-SNATCHER and Energy got away with it. When WIG-SNATCHER was permabanned, he joined again as his brother and the mods seemed to be okay with it, even though Energy and WIG-SNATCHER were basically the same person. It really was my last hope then. As Kori I was bisexual, but I felt more attracted to men that time. Luckily the registrations were open again this month. I tried to get into contact with so many member and I even made an embarrassing Youtube video about it, but I can’t delete it. So anyaway, I made two accounts. I didn’t even know and it’s hard to describe, but when I was on Come&GetMe it felt like this account didn’t exist anymore. So I never thought of it until I saw Believe in Justin and started questioning everything. I don’t know where I got Tin from, probably a random name, because I don’t know one person called Tin. Tin the account is really weird so far. It’s like I always contradict myself when I get banned and it’s making me a little bit crazy. Sometimes I feel like I actually am lunacy, but I know I’m not. I think it’s because of my ADHD pills (if it’s for ADHD anyway) that I change my mood all the time. Sometimes I think I am trolling on ATRL because I got banned so fast on Tin, and I think a part of my mind is a troll. I don’t even know what I did to get banned, but I trolled on Britney stans. I actually don’t like Britney Spears though. She really is untalented and her stans only cling onto her past. I know what I am talking about, because I was a Britney stan too once. Everything Britney did was amazing, I really was blinded. I remember saying to my dad it doesn’t matter if Britney lip synchs because she still is a great dancer and a good singer, but she is afraid to fail in front of public. But now I know she isn’t a great singer and she can’t dance. I feel like people who stan for Britney don’t have a big perspective and they are stuck in their mind.
I scrolled on Katie’s list again and I’m sure I made these three accounts:
Gaga<<<<<<<<Katie
GagaPoopsOnKnix
KnixIsIrrelevant
I remember Knix (I’m not sure anymore if it was him though) making all these Gaga hate usernames, so I made a few too. I don’t know if Knix is still permabanned, he probably has another account now. I also saw Monti and I googled the username, and I was perplex. After Selenator I made MaxKills, Monty, MontiIsSelenator, Username, Arnold and HausofTables. I am really lost right now. I knew I made a few accounts but I forgot about them, because it was a really long time ago. Now I see the names I remember making MaxKills as a Natalia fan. I know there was another one JakeKills, so it would make me look like an innocent Natalia fan. As Monti, I don’t remember much besides the name Monti. As Monti I said I stanned for Bon Iver and the Jonas Brothers, but I never even listened to Bon Iver. That’s really weird for me. Arnold I don’t remember at all. But seeing his posts about Jennifer Lopez and Björk, I cringed. I don’t like these two talentless artists. Username I don’t remember either, and right now I can’t view the posts because I’m banned right now. And there are no posts on Google. I do know I made an Adele member account, but I thought it was called TurningTables, not HausofTables. I really think I did troll with these accounts, but it’s so hard to remember. I feel like someone else everytime I discover myself. I also think I made LoveOnTop, but I’m not sure about that.
Right now I think I am gay, but I don’t know if it’s a phase, like I was straight when I was Selenator. I will tell some things: I once masturbated one of my cousins when I was 12 and he was 14 and we did more. I also put my mouth on someone’s dick when I was 12. I don’t think it really counts as a blowjob because we totally didn’t know what we were doing and that other guy is really straight. This must prove I am gay and maybe that’s why I get bullied. Because I have ADHD and I am gay. But I will never have a relationship with a guy. I want kids so I will have a relationship with a girl. Because I were glasses nobody will love me though! Nobody has ever loved me besides my family. When I told a girl I liked her, she laughed at me and told everyone. They kept poking fun at me. Luckily the teachers always listen to me, but I really don’t like being bullied. I have no friends in real life and it really hurts me. I am always alone and I like being alone too. I can think about life, but sometimes it makes me sad.
With this text I hope to put an end to my internet characters. I don’t know if I will get banned or not. My life has involved about ATRL since I visited it for the second time. It really helps me to change my mind away from real life. Away from all the problems. But I don’t think I’m meant to be on ATRL. People judge me too much and if you have ADHD, they will not like you and call you “lunacy”. If I get banned I won’t make an ATRL account again. I want to move on. And I am moving on by writing this text. I really am not a good writer at all! I can barely type a few sentences when I have homework. But on ATRL I feel like I experience so many things I need to write it down. It can help me to reflect. And now I won’t make multiple characters anymore because I know what I did. I will be Pieter-Jan and always from now on. I do hope I still get accepted on ATRL, but with all my past accounts I doubt I will.
Thanks for reading
My letter to you
Stop announcing that you had multiple accounts and then you'd stop getting banned ( if you lay low). It shouldn't be that hard. (maybe join another forum and hope that your situation gets better!)
ATRL is so ****ing weird these days.
I want to see musicfan09 + Tin's verdicts.