[DripDrip]

Love the name change Danny

[Lukey]

Ahh.. I'm nervous now. Currently on my mobile so I can't show my song. Hopefully I've grabbed another chance :/

[EatmeZayn]

I don't think I can judge until Monday.

[Prometheus.]

Originally posted by DripDrip

Love the name change Danny

Gracias.

I still gave your song a 3, though.





















































































jk

[Tymps.]

Are y'all okay with Monday results? :/

[Hugamari]

Originally posted by Adem!

Are y'all okay with Monday results? :/

Judge w/out EMZ this round

Or EMZ can just rank in order w/o comments if he has time for that.

[Blue.]

Maybe we can get the whitstanding judgings today, and then EMZ's and the results tomorrow?

Or he could just send you in his scores like you did the last time.

[Lucky#17]

Originally posted by Blue.

Maybe we can get the whitstanding judgings today, and then EMZ's and the results tomorrow?

Or he could just send you in his scores like you did the last time.

I'd like that

[theo.]

OMG Danny's that you? I love your new name.

[DripDrip]

Can we get comments from the already judges

[feelslikeadream]

Woooo. Just landed and I'm ready for results!

[Lucky#17]

Results soon then? Omg!

[Tymps.]

Prometheus.'s Rates
CTRL + F to find your name

JustLike

8.5

Good

Tip: Turn your iPhone on silent while recording!



Blue

6

Bland

Tip: I just don't relate to this song. It feels concrete. Try not to be so articulate, it's rather hard to enjoy a song lyrically when it feels like a bland description of a sad day.



MusicTalker

7

Anthemic

Tip: I didn't really get the song at points, but I couldn't help but know if this were an actual song, it would be great.



Lucky #17

7

Surprising

Tip: Some of your lyrics feel a little more childish than I'd like. But I know you're young and I know you will grow and learn different words. Good job, though!



Hugamari

10

Beautiful

Tip: Stay perfect



Jack!

9

Stunning

Tip: I didn't really love the verses, but the damn choruses are perfection.



Musickid203

9

Awesome

Tip: Hide your weed better.




DripDrip

9

YAAAAAS

Tip: Your ability to drag the human race in song is amazing. Lily Allen who?



feelslikeadream

7

Good

Review: You don't need tips, so I'll just give you a review. This is very underwhelming for you, by no means is it bad, it's just not as grand as I'm used to from you. I know this challenge is hard, and you did good with it. I just didn't really care for this entry.



Midnight

8

Intriguing

Review: I can't really give you tips either, but what I can say is I like this entry a lot. Just… I don't understand about 1/4 of the lyrics. I don't know what they are insinuating/how they tie into the rest of the song.




TheSeenScene

8

Feel Good

Tip: I love reading your entries. They are so fresh compared to the black, white & grey entries every other person submits. I love your personality and I love how you contrast in this competition. The "Get creative, get get creative" part was weird but other than that I liked it.

[Tymps.]

Nait Phoenix's Rates
CTRL + F to find your name

JustLuke - "Rainbow Fence"

I don't know how you did it, but you took a metaphoric title and made it very literal.

The corniness of this entire song really took over! And it was just awful. Normally, if there was something extremely corny about a song, the way the lyrics are represented and what they truly mean usually save it. But, this was so over-the-top cornball and with no redeeming factor to save it, I barely could read through it.

It was very awkward to say, and there was little to the imagination. Your metaphors were idioms, and your idioms were overdone. This was just not the right song for a title like this.

When you take on titles, the idea is to find the best representation of the title. Something like "Rainbow Fences" should warn you right away, "Don't go overly cute or corny with this"! It's best to leave the imagination to us instead of ripping it away from us with obvious lines and overused sayings.

Blue. - "Hats on Fire"

Hey, even I didn't know what that meant, so I'm glad you found someway to interpret it.

But I'm upset, because it wasn't until the end that the meaning of the song became clear, so your interpretation of "hat on fire" was muddled throughout the rest of it. I was hoping you wouldn't take such a literal stab at this and make it less obvious for us to figure out. Something like "you're lucky to leave with your hat on fire" could've been much better than defining it the way you did.

This was a strange one. I found myself asking questions the entire time I was reading this. Like, who the heck is Ronnie? That really threw me. But, I guess keeping me guessing the entire time isn't a bad quality to have when writing songs. Usually, it's better to keep it fully cryptic or somewhat ambiguous, because if you start off with us guessing then directly tell us where and who we are, then you deny us the enjoyment of interpreting your song for us.

You had something. But, creating this story of yours lost what I thought was going to come. It wasn't bad, but I wouldn't say this is a good job.

MusicTalker - "Adult Child"

I'm not sure what this was about.

You made it very hard to understand who certain people were. This person you're talking about moving on I'm assuming is a significant other, but that was the only character I got. Whether the people you were talking about were parents, colleagues, friends, or roommates was very unclear. They could've been anybody, but how they wouldn't let you "grow up" doesn't seem like people you'd be close to.

Aside from the guesswork, this was actually good. I'm not a fan of the unnecessary repetition when it seems what you're talking about is very personal or very intimate, because that's where the personality fades and the "popular lyric ideal" comes in. But, I like the use of imagery you have with the playground and falling sand. I wish you used more imagery like that throughout this piece.

Again, I still am unsure who this is that's holding your character back, so it's better to throw in more understandable or elaborate clues to make it easier for a reader to understand. Also, work on keeping the same style of writing; please try not to switch in-between your poeticism and street talk.

Lucky#17 - "14th Nightmare"

Ooh, three numbers away from fitting your username.

I did not like this one bit. It was way too literal. I really thought you nailed it with your first line, then it all fell apart with everything else. It wasn't clever, it wasn't moving, it wasn't ANYTHING! Just whatever words slapped together.

You could've really dove deep into the meaning of this title (and, again, I thought you were going to with that first line), but any kind of brilliance I thought I was going to find was gone. I'm just upset with this!

If you had this idea to include or utilize "February 14th" in your song, then you have to follow through with it. You can't throw something that smart at the beginning and never touch on it, again! You have to sound smarter than this! Because this… "was stupid, so ****ing stupid"!!!

Hugamari - "White Rice"

Well, damn…

Very heartbreaking story, Huga. Super touching, and it was so depressing, yet heartfelt.

Here's my only issue: why "white rice"? Forgive me for that question because I understand that it was your title, but I hope you understand what I mean by that. The comparison you made using the term "white rice" was fine, but it didn't strike the right chord because it didn't register as the only comparing term that could've been placed there. Why not a "blank sheet"? Or "falling snow"? There needs to be more of a reason to use such a term as "white rice" other than to compare someone's features to. Make your reasoning for using such a term clearer next time.

That's my only issue and it was the smallest. Everything else was great!

Jack! - "Ellipsis"

…

J/K But kinda not. This is obviously better sung than read, but, because this is a lyrical competition, I have to assess this as if it makes sense. And, it barely does.

You have these amazingly poetic verses and chorus, and this tiny, unnecessary and hardly ingenious pre-chorus. Between those four sections is a very unique, but hard-to-piece-together story of love that does not work, but your willing to go through said pain to make it work. So, what you did was good, but to the naked eye (which is usually mine), this was very poetic lines that make no sense together!

There needs to be a clear understanding of what's happening; you describing your feelings only tells me how you feel, but as for why you feel that way, who can say? All it took was one "because" somewhere and this would've been perfect!

Musickid203 - "If You Are Sleeping"

Were you sleeping when you made this!?

I am shocked at the lack of emotion and understanding in this song. There were so many hiccups in this, I don't even know where to start. I could start with "prestige" being used as a verb; that, most certainly, threw me off!

This was not cool at all! You regressed back into rhyming whatever you could, and not caring what it all meant in the long run! You're talking about winning somebody back who's dead? How does that look in writing? Because it looks crazy to me! The lines that were used as your endnotes were lazy and lackluster. This was just not a good song at all!

Re-read what you wrote and make every single line count next time! You can't put in random lines that don't make sense to recite in the first place; they all have to matter or otherwise there's no need for them!

DripDrip - "Something on the Street Corner"

Your message was clear, but how you conveyed made it not worth the time.

And it's an important message to act like a human being and care for everything on this Earth, but all you did was tell me that I am an issue who hasn't seen grass, I don't care for children on the street, and I'd kill for a dollar bill. You have this way of attacking the reader instead of displaying their follies; subtlety is not your forte and it's starting to become a problem in this competition.

For a message like the one you were trying to send, one good thing to remember is to NOT BE ANTAGONISTIC, but subdued and blunt! If you're trying to send this message to certain people, then don't use words like "you", "your" and whatnot; make it "they" or give them a name or put the reader on your side (go by "we"), because the reader isn't always your "enemy".

This "change the world" schtick you have isn't a bad one, but you have to understand that your hostile attitude drives your message down! There are people like you, so if they were listening, they'd assume you were a fraud who's just lashing out in music! So, make it like propaganda; a message that can't be seen by first glance, but will infect one's mind if done the correct way.

feelslikeadream - "Purple Rivers"

Not sure the emotion was genuine.

You mention this very well-thought stories, which I really have to applaud you on for making the different scenarios, then we move to this nonchalant and emotionally-absent hook that leads to a two-faced chorus. Every time I felt like the emotion was going to be genuine, I see lines like "I just find another one" and immediately I feel detached. And I really want to believe the emotion, but it's just so hard to picture someone who's willing to find someone new the second the previous patron leaves or dies having any genuine emotion to begin with, which leads me to the biggest issue.

Because of this challenge, we made it a point that your title was going to be a central part of your song, so when you finally introduce it, I'm already detached and it's already too soon to go back to "feeling" again. Only in the end of the chorus, the verses, and the bridge do I feel any kind of sadness for this woman. All the other times, I could care less. So, I'm glad Elizabeth Taylor inspired this idea, but as the role model for this song, I now feel no empathy for her or this character you portrayed.

So, that mostly is about my emotions to this piece. And seeing how long it is means you most likely did... a phenomenal job! I've never felt so pushed and pulled in a song before, and this takes the cake. Since I don't want to give you a low score on my emotions (how unfair would that be!), I'll just say try to keep it on one level. Going back and forth on the emotionality scale can drive a man crazy.

IF YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE READING ALL THAT, YOUR SONG WAS AN AWSUM JOB!

Midnight - "Kill My Hand"

Um… was this literal, again?

Well, had this been a huge metaphor, I'd say this was incredibly brilliant, even though I have absolutely no idea why! But, I also see it as this literal fantasy you've concocted, which makes me doubt its brilliance. So, with no way to tell and no joy in demeaning you, I'll look at it as this big metaphor and say you're a ****ing genius!

You had me at the fourth line! Normally, when I see a line that doesn't make sense the first time I read it, for most of these songs, it's because it literally doesn't make sense and I laugh it off. But, yours made me think; those are the kind of lines and moments I want to experience in this competition. I like the lines that make me question how I'm suppose to interpret it.

What I didn't like (and this goes along with what I said in the beginning) is that I couldn't pinpoint any moment of realism in this song! Every single part felt like a fantastical journey, yet not once could I put myself in the character's place or understand what the character was going through. See, this is your problem: you make this extremely poetic songs, but they all lack emotion. It's almost like reading a book with no main character to root for.

You gotta make your songs either more relatable or more invoking, so that the reader gets the same feeling you got when you wrote this! Other than that, keep at it!

TheSeenScene - "Arts & Crafts"

Your song was so ironic, it's not funny!

For someone saying "you gotta get creative", I found the creativity of this song very lackluster. This was "pop songwriting 101" to me; where's the depth? Where's the excitement? Where's the creativity? I mean, there was nothing that stuck to me or made me think "WOW"! Three rounds in should be more than enough to get more idealistic with your writing.

This was whatever to me! I'm sure you can be more interesting and artistic, but this was just seemed simple and not at all well-thought out! I mean, why is his love like arts and crafts? Is this song seriously about a guy who's not "creative" enough, but where is he not creative? In art? In love? In sex?

You can't throw yourself under the bus. If you want someone creative, you have to show that you are equally or more creative than this person you're talking about. You can't be the butt of the joke by the end of the song.

[Tymps.]

Adem!'s Rates
CTRL + F to find your name

JustLuke
What I love about this is that I can see improvement already from your first entry to this and it’s just really cool to watch you grow as a songwriter. The language especially was a vast improvement, so keep that up! However, this song is a bit flawed conceptually. The inclusion of the fence just seemed really forced and. Also, some lines are still a bit bland and awkward (“You got me all loved up / With your sweet sweet love”). but you’re definitely getting there! So next time my advice to you is to read your lyrics out loud before you send them. If it sounds ridiculous, just redo that part and move on.

DripDrip
This is not where I saw this title going at all and I like it; it was kinda Bob Dylan-ish with more anger. I don’t feel like enough emphasis was put on the dirty child on the street corner for it to be the title but it was a nice conceptual idea nonetheless. The language both makes sense and sounds beautifully horrifying. However, this read as much more of a poem than a song, mostly because lyrically there was no repetition of sections (the two choruses had different lyrics). While, again, that’s a cute conceptual idea, the song seemed a bit too long for something like that. So advice for next time is just to make sure you have some repetition so that something sticks.

Blue.
I don’t think you understood this challenge Hats on Fire is (or at least I didn’t think it was) an expression and we wanted you to bring your own meaning to it. Again, language is your strong suit in your entry this week, but I could’ve used some more repetition in this since it was pretty long. I felt like I was reading a page out of a book where a couple lines just happened to rhyme. The rhyme scheme was too inconsistent to follow which in turn makes the story itself harder to follow. So for next time review the basics of rhyme scheme and repetition of sections. Also, these challenges are very free-form and you don’t have to take them so literally.

MusicTalker
I really like the concept you went with for this entry and it fits hand-in-glove with your title. I’ve noticed your style is less wordy than your fellow contestants, which is totally fine but even if you don’t want to flaunt ostentatious declarations in your compositions it still shouldn’t be plain. I loved the complexity of things like the still pose line but it was lost in lines like “I'm ready to make my move on, my move on... / ...On you baby, on you baby”. The fact that there was a “baby” in this kinda threw of the poeticism and beauty of the song; I just got to that and thought “Oh, so it’s another love song” and tuned out a bit. Also, I was a bit bothered by the constantly-occuring identity rhymes (rhyming a word with itself). So, your task for next week: avoid being basic and steer clear of unnecessary identity rhymes!

Lucky#17
Originally when I saw the first line, I thought the concept was kinda tacky, but as I read on I absolutely loved the numbering and the waking up; it was all really clever and witty. I had made ideas for all the songs before I assigned them and I wish I came up with this concept myself. I don’t think all that cursing was really necessary; it took from the song more than it gave. Some lines, like the cursing ones, feel like you’re casually talking to someone rather than a lyric. But really, I think this is the best entry I’ve seen from you. Great job! Next week just put all your lines to the same standard.

Hugamari
I might just be missing something with your entries because every time they get rave reviews and I’m your lowest scorer… this time, I just felt things were too blunt an obvious for something like this. We could’ve easily figured out they took their own life without you saying “I could not imagine what ran through your mind… / When you decided...to take your own life”. And sadly in all honesty the white rice part was very obviously not something you would originally put in the song. When you have something weird like white rice you have to have other things related to it somehow and not just throw it in. However, the story did what you wanted it to; it broke my poor, fragile heart. My advice to you for next week is to not be scared of us not “getting” your song because the message will most likely come through. You don’t have to make every bit of the story evident; try thinking about negative space in art. Sometimes what is not said can be the most powerful.

TheSeenScene
I like the light-hearted approach you took with this; sometimes all the entries just seem so serious so something like this definitely stands out of the pack. The song sounds really catchy and I love that you’re continuing to challenge yourself with new song formats that are still accessible. However, I’m bringing back the trigger word of Season 3. Yup, that’s right… TRITENESS. Now I am as damn tired of this word as anybody else but it’s so useful for judging in this game. Some stuff just sounds so lyric-y; if I isolated certain lines like “Take me for a ride” they could be in basically any pop song. So the goal I’m setting for you next week is to completely eliminate lyric-y phrases from your lyrics. You’re almost there!

Jack!
These lyrics sound amazing in your usual style. It’s so cool you can skillfully get away with using words like “demise” and having it still sound totally natural. However, there is one major downfall to your song: you didn’t use the title correctly. Although you placed it in a very good place for a title it doesn’t make much sense. Maybe you spelled “ellipsis” wrong when you looked it up? It’s those three-dot things… Tip for next week: I guess be more careful with internet searches? Also I feel like this song is a bit too wordy and you could cut out a lot of words from most lines.

Musickid203
You did the challenge well; the title is there and it makes sense with the song. It’s nothing innovative, but it works. The downfall of this piece in that some of the rhymes seem a bit forced; it’s obvious that you put the lines in just so it could rhyme. Since so many lines were fluff we didn’t really get much story elaborated in parts like the first verse and it just felt like any other song about relationship dependence. And then in parts like the second verse the story elaboration was present but it was still a trite story and didn’t really feel unique. Tips for next round: don’t make lines just because they rhyme and try developing something more unique and original.

feelslikeadream
You need to stop trolling us in the thread about your song. I was literally preparing myself to drag you straight to the pits of hell. Anyways. the idea is very clever and innovative, I like the whole concept of it. I know you’re confused by whether or not to continue with your story-telling style of writing, so here’s my advice to you: while sometimes it can be endearing, you want to show, not tell. Have you ever heard it before? I’m sure everyone’s 7th grade English teacher has told them that. It’s boring to just tell us “This happened, AND THEN this happened, AND THEN this happened…” And even after that, you’re going to want to show more versatility in this competition than just doing story songs every time. It’s my advice to you; take it or leave it.

Midnight
So you’re the only person who went with the same direction I was thinking of for their title (I was thinking yours could either be about cards or something with marriage). The concept was unique to you and executed well. I like how you personified the king, queen, jack, joker, etc. My main problem with this song is that it felt like you were running out of things to say. In the five short lines of the chorus, the word “hand” is used three times. You also kept reusing the same ideas of you being a Joker and the kings/queens. My tip to you is to make sure before you start any concept that you have enough ideas for that concept to fill the song.

Oh, I just remembered I will actually be home tomorrow so you'll get results then.

Trololololol

[Lucky#17]

Better reviews than before Hopefully I'll make it, I'm not sure

[feelslikeadream]

sorry Adem, I assumed you knew enough about my writing to know I wouldn't submit a Skittles anthem.

Thanks for the feedback judges! Now let me go pray Dante is feeling generous as he scores me this week.

[Tymps.]

Originally posted by feelslikeadream

sorry Adem, I assumed you knew enough about my writing to know I wouldn't submit a Skittles anthem.

Thanks for the feedback judges! Now let me go pray Dante is feeling generous as he scores me this week.

Bitch, with your 1.25 point deduction you have nothing to be worried about.

[DripDrip]

My mixed to negative reviews

[feelslikeadream]

Originally posted by Adem!

Bitch, with your 1.25 point deduction you have nothing to be worried about.

I still don't wanna be safe only because of the reduction though!

What was your concept for my song title?