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Discussion: ATRL Songwriter's Thread | Jacktrus gain dual #1
Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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 am not a *****. I don't accept things in return for sex.
Oh, and if I got a laptop, I would get more into production
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Banned
Member Since: 2/12/2012
Posts: 9,586
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FUN FACT
Did you know Adam has never said one nice thing about what I've written, just laughing smilies!!!!!
Anyways, I rewrote it.  FantasyI touch your soft lips
I feel your sweatiness
I taste your loveliness
I hear your moaning and
Inject your poison in my mouth
I love the tastes inside me
You're a masterpiece, only for my eyes to see
Cause your body's like a paradise
Don't ever want to leave
But when I open my eyes, after a sexual scene, and realize it's all gone, realize it was just a dream.
Chorus
A fantasy, fantasy, But you're just a fantasy, fantasy, never gonna **** like we do in my dreams, never gonna **** like we do in my dreams.
And thought it may not be real, there's something inside of me, something that I feel.
Being with you, makes me feel brand new.
The stars are out tonight, and there's only one thing I want to do.
I wanna have a*
Fantasy, fantasy. But you're just a fantasy, fantasy. Never gonna **** like we do in my dreams.
Fantasy, fantasy. But you're just a fantasy, fantasy. Never gonna **** like we do in my dreams, never gonna **** like we do in my dreams.
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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Quote:
Originally posted by SOTDH
FUN FACT
Did you know Adam has never said one nice thing about what I've written, just laughing smilies!!!!!
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 No need to be so bitter about it.
I would give you constructive criticism, but no one seems to be here for it from me 
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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Quote:
Originally posted by SOTDH
FUN FACT
Did you know Adam has never said one nice thing about what I've written, just laughing smilies!!!!!
Anyways, I rewrote it.
Fantasy
I touch your soft lips
I feel your sweatiness
I taste your loveliness
I hear your moaning and
Inject your poison in my mouth
I love it when you rub it on me
Your body, only for my eyes to see
Cause your body feeling like paradise
Don't want to ever leave
But then I open my eyes, after a sexual scene, and realize it's all gone, realize it was just a dream.
Chorus
A fantasy, fantasy, But you're just a fantasy, fantasy, never gonna **** like we do in my dreams, never gonna **** like we do in my dreams.
Peeing my pants, cause I can't have you
Sweat in my hands, cause I can't have you
I'll just have to wait for you, unless you feel this loving too?
The stars are out tonight, and there's only one thing I want to do.
I wanna have a*
Fantasy, fantasy. But you're just a fantasy, fantasy. Never gonna **** like we do in my dreams.
Fantasy, fantasy. But you're just a fantasy, fantasy. Never gonna **** like we do in my dreams, never gonna **** like we do in my dreams.
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Well it's definitely dirty. But, for a song called "Fantasy", it needs to be less direct and more obscure, IMO. More metaphors like "inject your poison" and "body feeling like paradise", and more of a story to it. Like how you like it and less what's happening. This is just coming from a fellow songwriter. All in all, I can hear a melody in it, and that's usually REALLY good when it's just lyrics. 
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Member Since: 7/25/2010
Posts: 427
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Quote:
Originally posted by AdamAL4
Are you a songwriter? Interested in songwriting? Then this your kind of thread 
Here you can talk with fellow songwriters about lyrics, chord progressions, etc. Really anything entailing the creation of music
So introduce yourself, maybe leave a song or two, and get talkin'
If you feel awkward just barging in here and talking about yourself, you can answer these prompts:
How long have you been writing songs?
What was the first song you wrote? When did you write it?
What instruments do you play?
What genre of music do you write?
What’s your favorite song from your discography?
NOTE: I'd love to see more people who actually make the music but if you just write lyrics that's fine too 
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1. I've been writing songs since 2007 when I was 11. I probably have about 150.
2. The first song I wrote was "Stressing", but I've altered it a lot since then from the original version.
3. I don't play any instruments.
4. I write predominantly pop rock music, but I have a couple dance and R&B songs.
5. My favorite song I've written is either "Drop in the Ocean" or "Burning Shame".
Is It Worth It?
It’s kind of sad to think about it
Kind of sad to let it sink in
So much wasted potential
All her plans thwarted by a kid
She didn’t want to be a mother
She never thought it possible
But reality is approaching faster
Her world will become volatile
If you don’t stop right now
And turn everything around
Then the path you’re on leads down the road to misery
Is it worth it?
Losing all your friends
Is it worth it?
Giving it up to him
Is it worth it?
Throwing away your plans
Of your future
For tonight’s satisfaction
Others will belittle you
The same as you did to her
You better practice what your preach
Or reap what you deserve
Hopefully by now you’ve learned a lesson
Hopefully by now you have cold feet
So you won’t be the next naïve freshman
Giving in to his childish fantasy
Taken advantage of
By trying to show false maturity
There is more than one way to prove it
Ways that don’t involve losing your virginity
If you don’t stop right now
And turn everything around
Then the path you’re on leads down the road to misery
Is it worth it?
Losing all your friends
Is it worth it?
Giving it up to him
Is it worth it?
Throwing away your plans
Of your future
For tonight’s satisfaction
Others will belittle you
The same as you did to her
You better practice what your preach
Or reap what you deserve
Is it worth it?
Trying to be cool
If it means
Dropping of school
Is it worth it?
Giving into pressure
When you’re this young
The scars will last forever
Is it worth it?
Losing all your friends
Is it worth it?
Giving it up to him
Is it worth it?
Throwing away your plans
Of your future
For tonight’s satisfaction
Others will belittle you
The same as you did to her
You better practice what your preach
Or reap what you deserve
Is it worth it?
Losing all your friends
Is it worth it?
Giving it up to him
Is it worth it?
Throwing away your plans
Of your future
For tonight’s satisfaction
Others will belittle you
The same as you did to her
You better practice what your preach
Or reap what you deserve
Table Manners
You think that you’re some hotshot
You think that you’re the greatest
Of all time, but you’re not
When will come to terms and face it
Just speak out the truth
Instead of trying to deny
It with some pathetic excuse
And elaborate lie
Where are your table manners?
Whatever happened to common courtesy?
What’s wrong with the world?
It seems no one has any decency
Don’t come into my home
Thinking you know more than me
When in Rome do as the Romans
Do you need to repeat history?
You’re getting on my last nerve
Thinking you’re the best
When will you ever learn?
Not to count your eggs
Before they hatch
Looks like you spoke too soon
You’re trying to tread back
But you look like a fool
Where are your table manners?
Whatever happened to common courtesy?
What’s wrong with the world?
It seems no one has any decency
Don’t come into my home
Thinking you know more than me
When in Rome do as the Romans
Do you need to repeat history?
Now the ego’s landed
And you’re bare to the bone
Everyone’s seen you naked
And there’s nothing to write home
Where are your table manners?
Whatever happened to common courtesy?
What’s wrong with the world?
It seems no one has any decency
Don’t come into my home
Thinking you know more than me
When in Rome do as the Romans
Do you need to repeat history?
Where are your table manners?
Whatever happened to common courtesy?
What’s wrong with the world?
It seems no one has any decency
Don’t come into my home
Thinking you know more than me
When in Rome do as the Romans
Do you need to repeat history?
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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Quote:
Originally posted by HazelEyes
1. I've been writing songs since 2007 when I was 11. I probably have about 150.
2. The first song I wrote was "Stressing", but I've altered it a lot since then from the original version.
3. I don't play any instruments.
4. I write predominantly pop rock music, but I have a couple dance and R&B songs.
5. My favorite song I've written is either "Drop in the Ocean" or "Burning Shame".
Is It Worth It?
It’s kind of sad to think about it
Kind of sad to let it sink in
So much wasted potential
All her plans thwarted by a kid
She didn’t want to be a mother
She never thought it possible
But reality is approaching faster
Her world will become volatile
If you don’t stop right now
And turn everything around
Then the path you’re on leads down the road to misery
Is it worth it?
Losing all your friends
Is it worth it?
Giving it up to him
Is it worth it?
Throwing away your plans
Of your future
For tonight’s satisfaction
Others will belittle you
The same as you did to her
You better practice what your preach
Or reap what you deserve
Hopefully by now you’ve learned a lesson
Hopefully by now you have cold feet
So you won’t be the next naïve freshman
Giving in to his childish fantasy
Taken advantage of
By trying to show false maturity
There is more than one way to prove it
Ways that don’t involve losing your virginity
If you don’t stop right now
And turn everything around
Then the path you’re on leads down the road to misery
Is it worth it?
Losing all your friends
Is it worth it?
Giving it up to him
Is it worth it?
Throwing away your plans
Of your future
For tonight’s satisfaction
Others will belittle you
The same as you did to her
You better practice what your preach
Or reap what you deserve
Is it worth it?
Trying to be cool
If it means
Dropping of school
Is it worth it?
Giving into pressure
When you’re this young
The scars will last forever
Is it worth it?
Losing all your friends
Is it worth it?
Giving it up to him
Is it worth it?
Throwing away your plans
Of your future
For tonight’s satisfaction
Others will belittle you
The same as you did to her
You better practice what your preach
Or reap what you deserve
Is it worth it?
Losing all your friends
Is it worth it?
Giving it up to him
Is it worth it?
Throwing away your plans
Of your future
For tonight’s satisfaction
Others will belittle you
The same as you did to her
You better practice what your preach
Or reap what you deserve
Table Manners
You think that you’re some hotshot
You think that you’re the greatest
Of all time, but you’re not
When will come to terms and face it
Just speak out the truth
Instead of trying to deny
It with some pathetic excuse
And elaborate lie
Where are your table manners?
Whatever happened to common courtesy?
What’s wrong with the world?
It seems no one has any decency
Don’t come into my home
Thinking you know more than me
When in Rome do as the Romans
Do you need to repeat history?
You’re getting on my last nerve
Thinking you’re the best
When will you ever learn?
Not to count your eggs
Before they hatch
Looks like you spoke too soon
You’re trying to tread back
But you look like a fool
Where are your table manners?
Whatever happened to common courtesy?
What’s wrong with the world?
It seems no one has any decency
Don’t come into my home
Thinking you know more than me
When in Rome do as the Romans
Do you need to repeat history?
Now the ego’s landed
And you’re bare to the bone
Everyone’s seen you naked
And there’s nothing to write home
Where are your table manners?
Whatever happened to common courtesy?
What’s wrong with the world?
It seems no one has any decency
Don’t come into my home
Thinking you know more than me
When in Rome do as the Romans
Do you need to repeat history?
Where are your table manners?
Whatever happened to common courtesy?
What’s wrong with the world?
It seems no one has any decency
Don’t come into my home
Thinking you know more than me
When in Rome do as the Romans
Do you need to repeat history?
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Hi HazelEyes  Great lyrics 
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Member Since: 7/25/2010
Posts: 427
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Quote:
Originally posted by AdamAL4
Hi HazelEyes Great lyrics |
Thanks.
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Member Since: 6/13/2011
Posts: 2,463
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Quote:
Originally posted by HazelEyes
1. I've been writing songs since 2007 when I was 11. I probably have about 150.
2. The first song I wrote was "Stressing", but I've altered it a lot since then from the original version.
3. I don't play any instruments.
4. I write predominantly pop rock music, but I have a couple dance and R&B songs.
5. My favorite song I've written is either "Drop in the Ocean" or "Burning Shame".
Is It Worth It?
It’s kind of sad to think about it
Kind of sad to let it sink in
So much wasted potential
All her plans thwarted by a kid
She didn’t want to be a mother
She never thought it possible
But reality is approaching faster
Her world will become volatile
If you don’t stop right now
And turn everything around
Then the path you’re on leads down the road to misery
Is it worth it?
Losing all your friends
Is it worth it?
Giving it up to him
Is it worth it?
Throwing away your plans
Of your future
For tonight’s satisfaction
Others will belittle you
The same as you did to her
You better practice what your preach
Or reap what you deserve
Hopefully by now you’ve learned a lesson
Hopefully by now you have cold feet
So you won’t be the next naïve freshman
Giving in to his childish fantasy
Taken advantage of
By trying to show false maturity
There is more than one way to prove it
Ways that don’t involve losing your virginity
If you don’t stop right now
And turn everything around
Then the path you’re on leads down the road to misery
Is it worth it?
Losing all your friends
Is it worth it?
Giving it up to him
Is it worth it?
Throwing away your plans
Of your future
For tonight’s satisfaction
Others will belittle you
The same as you did to her
You better practice what your preach
Or reap what you deserve
Is it worth it?
Trying to be cool
If it means
Dropping of school
Is it worth it?
Giving into pressure
When you’re this young
The scars will last forever
Is it worth it?
Losing all your friends
Is it worth it?
Giving it up to him
Is it worth it?
Throwing away your plans
Of your future
For tonight’s satisfaction
Others will belittle you
The same as you did to her
You better practice what your preach
Or reap what you deserve
Is it worth it?
Losing all your friends
Is it worth it?
Giving it up to him
Is it worth it?
Throwing away your plans
Of your future
For tonight’s satisfaction
Others will belittle you
The same as you did to her
You better practice what your preach
Or reap what you deserve
Table Manners
You think that you’re some hotshot
You think that you’re the greatest
Of all time, but you’re not
When will come to terms and face it
Just speak out the truth
Instead of trying to deny
It with some pathetic excuse
And elaborate lie
Where are your table manners?
Whatever happened to common courtesy?
What’s wrong with the world?
It seems no one has any decency
Don’t come into my home
Thinking you know more than me
When in Rome do as the Romans
Do you need to repeat history?
You’re getting on my last nerve
Thinking you’re the best
When will you ever learn?
Not to count your eggs
Before they hatch
Looks like you spoke too soon
You’re trying to tread back
But you look like a fool
Where are your table manners?
Whatever happened to common courtesy?
What’s wrong with the world?
It seems no one has any decency
Don’t come into my home
Thinking you know more than me
When in Rome do as the Romans
Do you need to repeat history?
Now the ego’s landed
And you’re bare to the bone
Everyone’s seen you naked
And there’s nothing to write home
Where are your table manners?
Whatever happened to common courtesy?
What’s wrong with the world?
It seems no one has any decency
Don’t come into my home
Thinking you know more than me
When in Rome do as the Romans
Do you need to repeat history?
Where are your table manners?
Whatever happened to common courtesy?
What’s wrong with the world?
It seems no one has any decency
Don’t come into my home
Thinking you know more than me
When in Rome do as the Romans
Do you need to repeat history?
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loving the lyrics 
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Banned
Member Since: 2/12/2012
Posts: 9,586
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nait Phoenix
Well it's definitely dirty. But, for a song called "Fantasy", it needs to be less direct and more obscure, IMO. More metaphors like "inject your poison" and "body feeling like paradise", and more of a story to it. Like how you like it and less what's happening. This is just coming from a fellow songwriter. All in all, I can hear a melody in it, and that's usually REALLY good when it's just lyrics. |
Thanks!!!! Let me take your advice and rewrite the song.
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Banned
Member Since: 2/12/2012
Posts: 9,586
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Fantasy
I touch your soft lips
I feel your sweatiness
I taste your loveliness
I hear your moaning and
Inject your poison in my mouth
I love the tastes inside me
You're a masterpiece, only for my eyes to see
Cause your body's like a paradise
Don't ever want to leave
But when I open my eyes, after a sexual scene, and realize it's all gone, realize it was just a dream.
Chorus
A fantasy, fantasy, But you're just a fantasy, fantasy, never gonna **** like we do in my dreams, never gonna **** like we do in my dreams.
And thought it may not be real, there's something inside of me, something that I feel.
Being with you, makes me feel brand new.
The stars are out tonight, and there's only one thing I want to do.
I wanna have a*
Fantasy, fantasy. But you're just a fantasy, fantasy. Never gonna **** like we do in my dreams.
Fantasy, fantasy. But you're just a fantasy, fantasy. Never gonna **** like we do in my dreams, never gonna **** like we do in my dreams.
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Member Since: 6/13/2011
Posts: 2,463
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Quote:
Originally posted by SOTDH
FUN FACT
Did you know Adam has never said one nice thing about what I've written, just laughing smilies!!!!!
Anyways, I rewrote it.
Fantasy
I touch your soft lips
I feel your sweatiness
I taste your loveliness
I hear your moaning and
Inject your poison in my mouth
I love it when you rub it on me
Your body, only for my eyes to see
Cause your body feeling like paradise
Don't want to ever leave
But then I open my eyes, after a sexual scene, and realize it's all gone, realize it was just a dream.
Chorus
A fantasy, fantasy, But you're just a fantasy, fantasy, never gonna **** like we do in my dreams, never gonna **** like we do in my dreams.
Peeing my pants, cause I can't have you
Sweat in my hands, cause I can't have you
I'll just have to wait for you, unless you feel this loving too?
The stars are out tonight, and there's only one thing I want to do.
I wanna have a*
Fantasy, fantasy. But you're just a fantasy, fantasy. Never gonna **** like we do in my dreams.
Fantasy, fantasy. But you're just a fantasy, fantasy. Never gonna **** like we do in my dreams, never gonna **** like we do in my dreams.
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wowoow lol very explicit. nice. 
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Member Since: 11/17/2011
Posts: 32,412
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This thread still Alive 
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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Quote:
Originally posted by SOTDH
Fantasy
I touch your soft lips
I feel your sweatiness
I taste your loveliness
I hear your moaning and
Inject your poison in my mouth
I love the tastes inside me
You're a masterpiece, only for my eyes to see
Cause your body's like a paradise
Don't ever want to leave
But when I open my eyes, after a sexual scene, and realize it's all gone, realize it was just a dream.
Chorus
A fantasy, fantasy, But you're just a fantasy, fantasy, never gonna **** like we do in my dreams, never gonna **** like we do in my dreams.
And thought it may not be real, there's something inside of me, something that I feel.
Being with you, makes me feel brand new.
The stars are out tonight, and there's only one thing I want to do.
I wanna have a*
Fantasy, fantasy. But you're just a fantasy, fantasy. Never gonna **** like we do in my dreams.
Fantasy, fantasy. But you're just a fantasy, fantasy. Never gonna **** like we do in my dreams, never gonna **** like we do in my dreams. |
I like the imagery on this one. The fantasy part gives it another layer of complexity, and between that and the stars part, along with other things, you're really setting the scene. 
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Banned
Member Since: 2/12/2012
Posts: 9,586
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Quote:
Originally posted by Arturdork
heres a new one.
Like a Kite
Like a Kite
I see what you can’t see, Just open up your eyes
I feel what you can’t feel, because I’m in the high
the distance between you and I; is as If I come alive
I’ll tell you, it was worth it every time...
Can’t you see, you and me I’d love until I die
trust in me, I know you can, I promise I won’t lie
here it is, the whole truth, I know you can’t deny
let go and dive with me, we’ll fly just like a kite
let go and dive with me
into eternity
see the heavens
and watch them bleed
together
you and me..
If our love is tragedy
then why are you my remedy?
If our love is insanity
why are you my clarity?
I’d swim into frozen waves,
Where the past comes back to life
If I feel the selfish pain
It was worth it every time
Hold still right before we crash
Cause we both know how to sin
A clock ticks and it breaks your glass
we lose cause we just can’t win
Chorus
even if we crash down
Even if we never make it
Even if there’s no sound
It’s a chance; we’ve got to take it
chorus
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Wait, I love this, and thanks BTW.
Chorus
Even if we crash down
Even if we never make it
Even if there’s no sound
It’s a chance; we’ve got to take it
Even if we can't deal
Even if nothing's real
Even if our loves wrong
Still be singing this song, to you
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Banned
Member Since: 2/12/2012
Posts: 9,586
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Quote:
Originally posted by AdamAL4
I like the imagery on this one. The fantasy part gives it another layer of complexity, and between that and the stars part, along with other things, you're really setting the scene. |
Thank you.
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Member Since: 6/13/2011
Posts: 2,463
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Quote:
Originally posted by SOTDH
Wait, I love this, and thanks BTW.
Chorus
Even if we crash down
Even if we never make it
Even if there’s no sound
It’s a chance; we’ve got to take it
Even if we can't deal
Even if nothing's real
Even if our loves wrong
Still be singing this song, to you
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haha beautiful addition!!
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/31/2012
Posts: 12,510
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Quote:
Originally posted by SOTDH
FUN FACT
Did you know Adam has never said one nice thing about what I've written, just laughing smilies!!!!!
Anyways, I rewrote it.
Quote:
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Peeing my pants, cause I can't have you
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Who does that?
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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Quote:
Originally posted by theoyella jukebox
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*slowly raises hand*
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Member Since: 3/27/2012
Posts: 27,951
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I wrote something cute at 4AM today 
X-Mas
Lick my north pole up down south
Santa Clause called me a **** (CUNxTuesday)
Told me hoe hoe hoe pull another stunt
For Christmas he gave me two blunts
He got lit up and busted a nut
Jingled his bells all over my butt
Oh what fun it was to ride on that one horse open sleigh
He comes down my chimney every night to play
With a real big sack just ready to unload
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/31/2012
Posts: 12,510
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50th page
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