Quote:
Originally posted by Dickard
I commend your attitude 
So strong. Just remember you are NEVER alone. 
I'm so sorry about your brother's passing.
My philosophy is once you've hit rock bottom, there is no where to go but up.  |
Thank You
You made me feel better.
I still on the path to rock bottom though, so hopefully I'll be better once I attend college.
I know I'll at least get teary eyed after writing this.
After, my brother died, I cried for weeks. My mom had it the worst though. Then I stopped out of nowhere. I've bottled my feelings to this day and I've erased the memories of him in my mind. We were best friends and always did everything together so I pretty much blocked my whole childhood except for some minor details. As a result, I barely remember anything before 11.
I used to be loud and fun. Then after 8th grade I became much more reclusive and reserved. Once highschool started I lost my social skills. As result of having a difficult time coping with the fact that for the first time in my life, I had no friends and people made fun of me with malicious and derogatory comments(as well as physical abuse), my grades dropped. I've never gotten under a 90/100 but now I had a 75/100. I started to become depressed. It escalated during sophmore year and I started getting panic attacks. I didn't even know what they were at first, I felt like my heart stopped working, I couldn't breath and I felt like I was about to die. After that period. I, in a sense, made a mental barrier by becoming indifferent/devoid of emotion so people wouldn't take advantage of me anymore. My grades were back to it's usual standard and that which helped my self esteem
Now it's junior year. People , including my teacher and guidance counselor, have done even more horrible things this year but because I refuse to outwardly react to anything anymore, I'm not affected by it that much.
Sorry for the essay , but I needed to get that off of my chest.
My mom said today "I'm sure she will come through and it will all work out in the end". I just want it to work out for their sake. I don't want to know what it's like to raise someone for 25 years and then have them turn their back on you. 
