Is it wrong the only main reason this video makes the bad list is Hayley's hair? I'd have slowed down some of the blurring but seriously her hair just bothers me and throws me right out of the video.
36 "Baby I," Ariana Grande
STEP AWAY FROM THE 80s NOSTALGIA AND THE UNITED COLORS OF BENNETON NONSENSE. At least you almost look your age.
35 "Neon Lights," Demi Lovato
Demi, I hate to break it to you, but you're not really good at faking sexy. And the glowing dancers are horrible. And I don't get why she'd, of all the Disney teens, would try to pull of a watered down dance ballad.
Plus, I couldn't say for certain but I think the video might have been sponsored by a phone maker? She should have made it clearer [/sarcasm]
34 "Don't Drop That Thun Thun," Finatticz
I've grown to be charmed by the utter stupidity of this song, but the video is the same tired "oh no, what will rich white people do when the "ethnic people" show up?!?!" plot that makes up half of all rap videos. Only this time it appears to be a sorority house with the weirdest backyard ever. Can we be more creative about a song dealing with rolling on molly?
33 "Ooh La La," Britney Spears
While I give her props from looking animated, I'm pretty sure her dress is too damn short to be "ooh la la"ing about in with Lil' Cheeto and Tater Tot being present. Let alone the sausage festival that is the Smurfs.
32 "Cups," Anna Kendrick
Most of my hate comes from the song (I hate the radio remix of this song sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooo much) but I just find the way for them to get everyone to do the damn cup flipping song stupid as hell.
31 "Wake Me Up!" Avicii ft. Aloe Blacc
Um...why doesn't this video make sense? Why do they have tatts if they live in BFE? Why does the little girl have the tat. How does the leading lady get back to the house if she and the girl have to WALK to the Walking Dead Atlanta set? Where the hell did her horse go? Why didn't they take the TRUCK THAT WAS AT THEIR HOUSE? Why is Sony only in existence in the city, since the town/hamlet/holeinthewall is not an Amish commune. What's with the girl with the basket?
30 "Holy Grail," Jay Z ft. Justin Timberlake
From Jay's laziest album I think this might be his laziest video. Yes yes he's pretending to be Bruce Wayne or something, which makes Timberlake the lamest Robin ever, but this video goes absolutely nowhere and is just a damn bore and the visuals are of no help on the matter.
29 "All That Matters," Justin Bieber
I want to set his low crotch clothes on fire. And I actually busted out laughing to this video, as he continues to think he's got "swag" for your nerve. If I ever think my eyes are in need of a workout there will always be this, so I can roll them for hours.
28 "Take Back The Night," Justin Timberlake
o.O what the hell is this JT? I'm thrilled your utter whiteness is able to brink funk and soul to "Chinatown" but could we have done something else? Hell, you could have just left it as a concert video.
27 "Running Out Of Moonlight," Randy Houser
Look Randy, I'm glad you got to use all the eyeliner of Nashville, but Brandy needs the moon from "Full Moon" back already. And maaaaaaaaaaaaybe try not using some really bad CGI to create the sky?
The cars. The poorly constructed "rustic" set. The "oh look, we can appeal to urban audiences too" attempt. Throwing the Pistol Annies over to a lake for some reason. I want to include my utter hate for the song but that's for another day.
the Stay The Night music video is boring, just like that generic song
The Wake Me Up music video is terrible too... just as the song again lol really boring
All of them I kinda like the Cups music video though
At....at least it's a different take of "He's a dude who would never get this many hot chicks looking his way due to his dreads appearing to secede from his scalp" than he normally goes for. I expect there to be an argument it's "symbolic" but Wayne ain't that deep.
24 "Hey Girl," Billy Currington
Who thought to themseleves "Hey Billy, we know it's your big comeback and we have this great idea! You're gonna stalk a woman at "Chinatown while coated in twenty pounds of grease. Can you come in hungover?"
23 "Highway Don't Care," Tim McGraw ft. Taylor Swift
First things first: Tim McGraw needs a damn sandwich.
Second, while the idea of Tim playing the "love interest" but him really being a doctor answering the phone at the same time the girl drives off the road makes no sense seeing as there is a GUY playing the love interest. And if we're gonna go this route, why not make Taylor drive off the road as the "girl" instead of her just haunting this woman's back seat. Ain't no one deserving of being haunted by Taylor Swift. Well, maybe Jason Aldeen for "1994"....
22 "Bound 2," Kanye West
Really Kanye. Really.
21 "Cruise (Remix)," Florida Georgia Line ft. Nelly
*sigh* I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for in this mess, Nelly or FGL. I'm gonna go with Nelly. No, I'm going with the fact the video went from a dumb idea in the backwoods to a Victoria's Secret Practice Show for no reason. Yes, we can has hawt gals with long legs. Could we maybe make it a little less obvious?
20 "Love More," Chris Brown ft. Nicki Minaj
Fine...have a career. But maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe consider putting in an ounce of originality into a dance video besides "look at the old not hip white guy!"
Plus you made Nicki sound bad on this.
19 "I Don't Know," Fiestar
OK, here's my overarching deal with k-pop girl groups. Labels clearly have no idea what to do with them and are trying desperately to make them appeal to girls as well as boys. But what is the appeal of letting a "nerd" eyef*** a girl who apparently grew up in a cave and has never heard of video games. Is this a date? Why is he being so damn creepy with his new hostage? Are Korean guys really that baffled by cleavage? Why is there so much damn cleavage eye googling in a video by GIRL GROUP WHO IS DRESSED LIKE THEY ARE TEENS? AND WHY IS IT BEING DONE BY GROWN ASS MEN WHO ARE CLEARLY AT LEAST THIRTY?!?? DO I NEED AN ADULT TO WATCH THIS?!?!?!? Why is the Fiestar girl not looking for an escape earlier in the video before he works on kissyface action and failing to take no for an answer? WHY IS SHE BLOWING HIM A KISS AS SHE LEAVES?!?!?! And what the hell does their dance scenes have to do with the plot?
18 "Fine China," Chris Brown
OH MY HELL CHRIS BROWN MICHAEL JACKSON DID NOT DIE SO YOU COULD LIVE. NOW STOP TRYING TO BE HIM ALREADY.
17 "Slip," Stooshe
I had such high hopes for Stooshe, as they were different and their raps worked well and I loved the mixing of 60s doo whop style and funkyness. And then this mess occurs. Is this the label's fault? Why are you bowling? Why? What is with that dancing? Just....just a mess. They are better than this and things like this are hurting any chance of them surviving as an act when we really need something beyond Little Mix for girlgroups.
16 "Give It 2 U," Robin Thicke ft. 2 Chains
So we're gonna overload you with #things to #twitter cuz that #workedsowell before. Instead it's just a lazy retread that fails to impress and reminds all of us you have a Beetlejuice suit.
I do love the j-settes usage, though.
15 "With Ur Love (US Edit)," Cher Lloyd
What, a video in which she's trying to create a man, rather than just steal a man. At least that's new. But, like a lot of the Brits, the US version of the video is far worse than the UK version. And that version has Mike Posner trying to sing on it. So you KNOW how bad I find this one.
14 "That's My Kind Of Night," Luke Bryan
I'm just calling bull...ish on the whole idea that Luke would ever wine and dine a girl like this. Or let a girl go wander around cornfields without a top. Luke honey, you're 37. THIRTY. SEVEN. Hell I'm 32 and I know better than to do certain things if I was making a music video, and letting some team use a rejected Hunter Hayes plot for a video is one of them.
Yes, I know Hayes would never do a video like this. But like anyone on this board knows Thomas Rhett or Tyler Farr or Colton Somethingorother or any of the bro's down in Broville, Tennessee (and God knows the Bros down in Broville have taken over the Nashville scene) that Luke, for some cockamamy reason, is trying to compete with. It looks stupid and makes him look stupid in the process.
As for the song...two days from now I'll lay waste to the white boy "rapification" of country.
13 "Roar," Katy Perry
I actually hate "Unconditionally" more as a video than this, as it's just insulting to the audience. But lets be real, at least that one tries to do something. This mess, with a poorly made CGI world, unnecessary usage of animals, a nonsensical plot dream, that damn "Kitty Purry" collar does nothing for the song or the message. No one cares about Jane of the Jungle once we discover that it, like her hopes for a Grammy, are only a dream. All this needed was a bottle of Herbal Essence to complete the tomfoolery.
She should have stuck with the lyric video which sets this up as a perfect breakup song.
THE WORST OF THE WORST VIDEOS HAVE ARRIVED! (apparently spelling this out from now on...)
12 "Black Skinhead," Kanye West
What kind of CGI nonsense is this? DId we all forget how to CGI?!
11 "Falling In Love," 2ne1
2ne1 we KNOW you can do better than this. Why is this set on the remains of CL's "Baddest Female" video? Why does no one know how to play basketball. What in the ever living hell is that dancing? Who dyed Dara's hair? Who is responsible for turning Park Bom into a Ukrainian Mail Order Bride? This is just a lazy and BAD video from a group who actually got international interest based on being some bad ass chicas. This is just annoying and a regression from "I Am The Best."
10 "#thatpower," will.i.am ft Justin Bieber
No.
No one needs william dressed in horrible "upscale fashion" that makes him look like a drunk Amish person. And the CGI Bieber looks less realistic than R2-D2 beaming in Princess Leia's message. And if I ever see a leather drop crotch jean again I may find scissors and cut out the drop crotch in public.
9 "Who Booty," John Hart ft. ImaSu
At least the video is blatant about the stupidity of the song, cuz if you're willing to assume every girl is cheating on her man before you smack it you might as well as sleep with all of them.
8 "The Way," Ariana Grande ft. Mac Miller
How the hell does this video work is she looks 15 and is dressed like a 9 year old at the Miss Hearts and Rainbows Pageant flirting with a guy who is clearly in his mid 20s. And why is she rocking pigtails with translucent knee highs and that skirt? I honestly do not know if this is her decision or her team's decision to go in a "cute Lolita" motif but I wish whoever's responsible would knock it off.
And can someone please teach his girl how to lip synch?!
7 "Wrecking Ball," Miley Cyrus
I'm blaming Uncle Terry for all of this. There's an idea for a good video here but everything is hypersexualized and poorly done at it. It actually detracts from the song since you spend half your time recoiling from Miley licking a sledgehammer or trying to figure out exactly WHY she is nude on a wrecking ball. And while I have no issues if you want to be naked in a music video, it at least has to have a monicrom of sense and consistency, and this video has no reason to have her riding the ball nude if ehy keep cutting to her riding the ball with clothes on.
And assume I'm just copy & pasting this entire entry onto "Adore You" next year, since that's a gorgeous song ruined by random and unnecessary blurring of her nipples and crotch.
6 "Scream And Shout (Remix)," will.i.am ft. Britney Spears, Diddy, Waka Flocka Flame and Hit-Boy
While we not have an iconic Britney Hair Grab, everything else in this video highlights the completely unnecessary nature of this remix. Diddy's useless and annoying, Britney is a robot, Waka Flacka is over everything and there for a check, william clearly thinks he's being avante garde and interesting. And it creates a visual mess.
5 "Bubble Butt," Major Lazer ft. Bruno Mars, 2 Chainz, Tyga and Mystic:
I get the idea of going after the Tumblr crowd and their cultural appropriation. But this video fails sooooooooooooooooooooo hard at the attack that its stupid.
4 "Banga Banga," Austin Mahone
Firstly, who the hell are you. Secondly, why is everything in this video in existence? The dancing is bad and the plot is nonexistent. And the rapper might be worse that Flo Rida.
3 "I Hit It First," Ray J
Don't worry Ray, you wern't gonna let us forget you're (and Pimp Mama Kris who probably directed this and the sex tape) responsible for the Kardashians exploding into the public conscience (sorry Paris). And we most certainly did not need to know there is a market for Kim K Klones out there.
2 "We Can't Stop," Miley Cyrus
I see how this rebellion worked better than "Can't Be Tamed" did - she at least appears to be realistic for once. But this video is just a mash up of bad Urban Outfitter Ideas (snap crotch onesies, broken barbie dolls, slicing fake fingers, using a fire hose as a fog machine, Uncle Terry taping Miley like she's about to be killed in a snuff film, her dragging a stuffed armadillio around) over a slow ass beat that should be creating major eye rolls. There's nothing funny or offensive in the video to create the outrage that was prevalent when it came out, it's just flipping boring. And that is really the more offensive thing.
1 "Can't Believe I," Flo Rida ft. Pitbull
Honestly, neither can I. I've discussed the "women as just a walking ass" trope in music videos before but this is the first time I've actually seen just an ass walking around. Like WCS it's a boring kind of offensive which may be why some people may have missed it but the CGI is horrible, Pitbull actually looks icky for once (rather than just your drunk uncle about to hit on you) and the video is just a really bad laugher for a song that should have been nixed in production.
For those posts above, these are my pics for the Worst Videos. Which I explained on the last page. And there's a negative sign in the picture. And the title that shows up on the link clearly says 50 Worst Videos.
So I think you all missed the memo on why I'd ever put Flo Rida as the top of anything.
Is it wrong the only main reason this video makes the bad list is Hayley's hair?
Yes. Yes, it is. Leave Hayley alone!
I'll admit that I like the "Bound 2" video, but only because it's just so hilariously bad. I really think "We Can't Stop" should have been #1, though. It's the most desperate music video I've ever seen. The "Can't Believe It" video is bad, but it's, like the "Bound 2" video, a hilarious kind of bad. The "We Can't Stop" video is, like you said, just boring. It's not even bad in a good way. It's just bad.
Please note, this is worst meaning bad. Not worst meaning good. I've already done the Best Songs of 2013 earlier on.
50 "Applause," Lady Gaga
Was it me or is almost every song this year just boring. Once again the hype for a Gaga song far exceeded the results, but while "Born This Way" is bad and horrid and should be set on fire, "Applause" is a weak-willed attempt at being both tongue-in-cheek and avante garde. Which is the norm for Gaga, but it only goes to highlight what her critics have said about her. And she's really bad at both aspects of her music aims on this one, which is actually fascinating. But not the worst release she's had this year.
49 "All Bad," Justin Bieber
Yes you are. You're really bad at pseudo R&B, really bad at posing and really bad at adjusting from teen "heartthrob" to serious adult singer. And while I suppose it could be humorous after the year you've had to suggest that you're not as bad as the press you carry, trying to take pot shots at Selena's friends is something I expect out of Taylor Swift. And she sells more, so I'd be worried about her next album.
48 "Heart Attack," Demi Lovato
This is a song with a decent premise, a brilliant chorus, horrible verses and a person singing it who cannot make me interested in any of it. Her overselling the chorus is actually a novel trick and really the only highlight, since the lyrics taken as a whole sound like they were made from magnetic fridge art.
47 "The Wire," Haim
This is the savior of rock? This boring-ass Starbucks-playlist-ready claptrap? Nope.
46 "Everything Has Changed," Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran
Taylor has finally bored me. Congrats? And adding Ed to it (as a means of contract negotiations teasing out a rumored relationship) doesn't give this song any more depth than the paper it was composed on. It's trite and rather run-of-the-mill, which considering how much Taylor annoys me, has never been her style.
45 "I Want Crazy," Hunter Hayes
I highly doubt Hunter knows what a "crazy" relationship would entail. I also sorta want him and Taylor Swift to hook up, just to see who can Stage 5 Clinger the other one first.
44 "Demons," Imagine Dragons
Firstly, this song is boring as hell. Secondly, it's pretty much the same riff used in "Radioactive" which I already dislike, just without the massive banging drum but more syth. Third, what the hell are the lyrics even going on about. I honestly have no idea why they are so popular when their songs are both repetitive and dull as dishwater.
43 "Wild," Jessie J
For such a "wild" song it's boring as hell. And with her pipes that's just wrong. But I suspect neither she nor her label have any idea what to do with her.
42 "Summertime Sadness (Remix)," Lana Del Ray vs Cedric Gervais
I get the desire to have a hit. But this remix is horrible. Absolutely horrible. It not only disjoints the song, it ruins the rather sweet message of loss and longing that's present and actually works with Lana's voice. Granted had she made up random lyrics and Cedric threw the club mix on it I suspect it would work but this is the completely wrong song for such a mix.
41 "Honest," Future
Exactly how much pro-tools and vocoders are needed for us to rule a track to have been sung by (or rapped by) a robot? Because I think we've found the first ever AI hit right here.
40 "It Won't Stop," Sevyn Streeter
This is lazy as hell, and that's not even acknowledging the Chris Brown remix. She doesn't have the voice to sell anything deep and it makes a song that could be rather clever feel extremely shallow. And the whole mining Aaliyah sound is useless and annoying.
39 "22," Taylor Swift
Based on the lyrics, i don't think she knows what it is like to be 22. 12, obviously. Maybe 17. Life is not just about revenge and grown up slumber parties. I mean, revenge is always fun to have in life and Revenge is a horrible show but you've been singing about revenge for four albums now and clearly you're as good as Emily VanCamp is at moving on.
38 "One Day I'll Fly Away," Kimberley Walsh
Look Kimba, I firstly wanted an album of cold club bangers in the vein of "Memory of You," so I was excited to hear you would do an album. I began to be concerned when you said you were doing covers. Of Broadway songs. And then this was the single choice. I did enjoy the Eurovision rumors but then I heard this as the release. I'm not sure it was possible to remove all sense of soul from a song, especially one that in the original version from the 1970s or the Moulin Rouge! mix has a sense of purpose. It's lifeless and dull and really aggravating to listen to since I want more for you.
Please note, this is worst meaning bad. Not worst meaning good. I've already done the Best Songs of 2013 earlier on.
37 "Days of Gold," Jake Owen
Alright, lets begin the discussion over "list songs."
List songs are not new. They've always had a place in country music as it's important to remind the listener that the artist, no matter how false it is, is "just like them" hence the need to describe the nonsense over a truck or how its hot out or if you're at a lake/bond/creekside/riverbend/pool/whever and how you have a cold one in your hand or whatever. Honestly I could have putt "Parking Lot Party" or "It Goes Like This" or "Chillin It" or "Whatever She's Got" (which is a song I love) or even Jake's previous single in this spot. The "list song" has become somehow the default country song, and with the instant bro-ification of country (and the fact that it's selling like hotcakes) running through a laundry list of southern traits, party traits, or what exactly a woman (which is treated, like rap, as a walking ass) is wearing (I'm pretty sure every other song this year involved painted on jeans). It's not that this is new, it's just that it's overdone and this song is really lazy and adds nothing but a faster drum beat to something that's already annoying.
36 "Running Out Of Moonlight," Randy Houser
Another list song for a chorus, but with an extremely lazy verse section. And Randy's voice is really annoying, more annoying than on his OTHER list song "How Country Feels."
I do give props, however, to whomever used the Paula Abdul "Promise Of A New Day" stretcher to make him both tall and thin. Randy is neither in reality.
35 "Timber," Pitbull ft. Ke$ha
OK, I'd buy Kesha Sebert knowing anything vaguely country as she is from Nashville. But Pitbull? Honeychild Coyote Ugly is a movie and a myth. The beat is lazy, he sounds lazy and while Ke$ha's actually interesting and would sell the whole concept of the song on its own, isn't prominent enough to detract from the annoyingness
34 "PYD," Justin Bieber ft. R.Kelly
I really do not need to imagine Justin humping on any girl anywhere in his house. And I most certainly do not need R coming in to aid with the humping.
33 "Hey Brother," Avicii ft. Dan Tyminski
GET THE EDM OUT OF COUNTRYISH SOUNDING SONGS IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO EVEN TRY TO BLEND THEM! Furthermore, this song that was apparently written by committee is really an insult to folk music.
32 "High School," Nicki Minaj ft. Lil' Wayne
Wow. I didn't think she could release a worse single than "Starships." But ladies and gents we have found it! The story, as it is, is boring and Wayne once again aids nothing to the track.
31 "Rock 'n' Roll," Avril Lavigne
Avril has never been "rock n roll" and while I appreciate she's wising up to the fact she might be getting too old for Hot Topic (which I'm trying to do myself) it doesn't make me like this pop song any more.
30 "Good Time," Paris Hilton ft. Lil' Wayne
Paris, I unironically loved your debut album. It was a solid album and you raised and lowered your voice like a pro without having to have anything like pitch or talent. This, however, is bad. Really bad. And boring. Which is really sad.
29 "Don't Ya," Brett Eldredge
Did we need a country John Mayer?
28 "Beat It," Sean Kingston ft and Chris Brown
OK, I think I could....no, I'd still hate the track. But who thought, in a song in which the chorus goes "She wanted me to beat beat beat it, beat beat beat it, beat beat beat it" to have Chris Brown swoop in and say "not a problem babe"?
Do we see the problem?
27 "Daylight," Maroon 5
Go away.
Seriously.
No. Seriously. Who are you and what did you do with Maroon 5? This song is boring as hell, has no point and defeats the usefulness of the band. And Adam has never sounded sharper.
26 "What About Love," Austin Mahone
I still want to know who ordered an American copy of Justin Bieber. Who, like the Biebs, decided to launch his career with a song about being desperate for a girlfriend at an age when guys have no interest in a LTR. The lyrics are trite and he oversells the song to the point of hilarity.
Please note, this is worst meaning bad. Not worst meaning good. I've already done the Best Songs of 2013 earlier on.
No notes as to why I hate them, just now that I hate them more than "What About Love."
25 "Venus," Lady Gaga
24 "We Can't Stop," Miley Cyrus
23 "Take Back The Night," Justin Timberlake
22 "Do What U Want," Lady Gaga ft. R. Kelly
Wait, no, I have notes:
First, the chorus does not make sense with the opening verse. Which makes absolutely no sense anyways.
Second: R's verse makes no sense with whatever Gaga is singing about
Third: Why the hell isn't HE singing about letting her do what she wants to his body?
Fourth: Really, why the hell are suggesting it's fine to use women for sex cuz you're not getting access to her heart or emotion (which actually is sex positive and a good thing) if the guy's singing "hey I'mma screw you." Why not make it equal opportunity "whatever" to sex and showing you both can keep emotion and logic out of it
Fifth: What the hell does Gaga's bridge have to do with R's verse?
Sixth: Seriously, the plot of the song is complete hogwash and has no connection between each other
Seventh: I want to like the chorus but it's so damn dumb. If you wanna be sex-positive and break the connection between sex and emotion that society expects women to have, that's fantastic! But it doesn't do that.
21 "Rap God," Eminem
20 "The Way," Ariana Grande ft. Mac Miller
19 "That's My Kind of Night," Luke Bryan
Ok, more notes:
SERIOUSLY LUKE BRYAN? SERIOUSLY?!?! Look I know you have the attention span of a gnat since your previous single was about trying to salvage a relationship and Lord knows you actually have one of the few distinct voices in Nashville. But this whole "bro" "list" "song" WHILE WHITE BOY LAZY RAPPING? You sound worse than Asher Roth (remember that abomination) and you sound dumb as hell.
Stop it now.
18 "Started From The Bottom," Drake
Jeez, I should have just wrote on everyone.
Honey, we all know your background. Your bottom is a lot of people's middle class. And further, you were an actor and brought in decent money. So stop posing like you're some hardass and just own up that your the wubbie of rap&b.
17 "Come & Get It," Selena Gomez
Wait, almost done with quick venting! I swear!
WHY IN THE HELL ARE YOU MIMICKING RIHANNA'S VOICE MIMICINkG SIA'S VOICE?!?!?!?!
16 "Redneck Crazy," Tyler Farr
Last one, I promise!
Seriously, we're now promoting stalking the ex?
Really?
And furthermore, some chicks don't care how big your truck is, if you know how to use it. And I expect you have no idea how to use yours, except to fail at mudding. [/everything was a metaphor for sex]
Oh, one more thing: what's the deal with country songs ALL having three songwriters (Taylor notwithstandind)?
15 "Boys Round Here," Blake Shelton ft. Pistol Annies
Damn it, forgot this.
WHY ARE YOUR "SPEAK RAPPING"?!?!?!?!? If anyone really should not be play rapping it has to be Blake, who's voice sounds horrible on this track. And the point of the song is dumb as hell.
14 "#thatPOWER," will.i.am ft. Justin Bieber
13 "Feel This Moment," Pitbull ft. Christina Aguilera
Tomorrow we'll be done with the badness! With notes for all!!