Taylor wakes from her American sweetheart slumber, fresh from partying with Kesha on July 4. She logs into twitter to see Calvin's new song.
'What!? Why is he doing this to me?' She cries calculatedly, wiping her perfectly symmetrical tears from her cheek.
A mousy voice is heard, slowly emerging from under her 10ft bed, constructed entirely out of dollar bills.
'B... But you cheated on him anyway and the contract was coming to an end,' Tom explains.
Her perfect eyebrows raise.
'Back in the cage, Thomas!' she fumes, before clapping as Olivia Benson and Meredith drag Tom back under.