Now that we're entering the top 50, I have some special charts to list the best (and worst) songs that didn't make the list, for whatever reason. Here's the first chart, a particular favorite of mine.
The top 5 Awesomely Bad Songs of the year!
AWESOMELY BAD SONGS OF THE YEAR!
Note: These are songs that are so catastophically awful that they become completely enjoyable. Sort of like a guilty pleasure that''s maxified x10 times.
5.
Natalie = Goin' Crazy
LFR, this sounds like it was recorded in a mall. Natalie said she only spent 15 minutes writing this song, and are any of us surprised? She sounds like she laid down her vocals while sleepwalking as well. But it does have a heart I can't ignore?
Best part: The whole thing sounds like something trapped inside a 1988 Casio recorder. Genius!
4.
Trina feat. Kelly Rowland - Here We Go
What a collaboration for the ages. You knew it was going to be awful because of the girls on the track: Trina, who is one of (if not the) worst rappers in the country, and bland ass Kelly who was ALWAYS the weakest part of Destiny's Child, in any of its' incarnations. These song is soooooooooooooooooo bad it's painful (I mean really, a Force MD's sample?) but it's also as catchy as a mutha!
Best part:
Now you know that I'm the Queen of Miami/All that loud talkin' mess, save that **** for yo' Mammy. If that isn't an inspired couplet, wait till the next line, when she uses the old "Uh uh, all right, so what, SHUT UP!" line from 2000's Nann. A 5-year old line - Trina's always up to the latest hotness on the streets!
3.
R. Kelly - Trapped in the Closet (Parts 1-14?)
Awful. It's like a badly written soap opera, with no eye candy, which is the cruelest thing of all. But it was oddly engrossing, and no one else was doing it! And that VMA performance really was the epitome of awesomely bad. It also showed us why Arrah should NEVER become an actor!
Best part: The video. UGh, it's so good. Not legitimately good, natch, but still incredible.
2.
Destiny's Child - Stand Up for Love
This is cataclysmically awful. The lyrics are beyond bad, and the video is like the cheapest thing ever? (Besides
Perfection, but that's for a whole nother list.) But once Michelle's verse kicks in, the girls vocals make this song almost beautiful in its crappiness. Good job girls!
Best part: The lyrics. They sound like they should be a part of the Special Olympics?
1.
Jennifer Lopez feat. Fat Joe - Hold You Down
This song should've never been recorded. It really killed her shitheap of an album too!
BUT I LOVE IT! Let's look at the absurdity of this track:
a) It's such ********. Like, really? They didn't even grow up together, they didn't even live in the same part of the Bronx. It's all so cynical and corporate, which makes it unbelievably great!
b) It's a blatant rehash of All I Have. Bad lyrics, a rapper losing his credibility, Jenheffa's wheezy ass vocals, and sampling a song that's 100x times better by an artist who can actually sing!
It's all ****, but I really love it! And I was sad it didn't become a hit?
Best part: There are too many to name, but here are a few:
See you've been holding me down, for such a long time now/Back then to now in my story, straight from the hold you've always been there for me.
I also love how he had he back back when everybody "Said I wasn't anything." Like she's anything now?
PERFECTION Y'ALL.