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Discussion: Coming Out Support
Member Since: 6/24/2012
Posts: 24,708
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Quote:
Originally posted by Cyanide
She can't afford to go see one. I also am not sure why you guys care more about fighting someone that I don't even care to acknowledge than the actual thread. Coming in here and seeing that most people aren't actually even talking about the topic anymore makes me feel worse.
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You need to be strong and give your mother time. She'll get to the point where she'll realize how much she loves you that she won't care about your sexuality. Don't worry, just be patient and give her time. On this kind of situations, time is the best option you have. She is your mother and she'll always love you no matter what.
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Member Since: 3/15/2013
Posts: 7,633
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Quote:
Originally posted by Cyanide
So now my mom is sending me a bunch of anti-gay materials, including celebrity testimonials and stuff about "reparative therapy" does anyone have any materials I can send her in order to help educate her? This is part of the problem, I don't have immediate access to case studies and materials that will help her understand, I only have my own emoions and experiences, which she dubs as a choice made out of a reaction to a particular event. I'm just really confused and upset and feeling depressed.
Some of the things she's sending me:
https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/ex...man-brokenness
http://www.josephnicolosi.com/collec...-gay-lifestyle |
Someone please post some materials for me to send to her?
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 1,777
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Cyanide, I'm sorry that were making you feel that we don't care about you for bombarding on that overly-religious and anti-gay user  the only reason we're doing it is to defend you, but if you want us to stop giving that user attention, we will. I'm not at home yet but I'll be soon, so when I get there I'll look for materials to post for you 
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Member Since: 3/15/2013
Posts: 7,633
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Quote:
Originally posted by OneAndOnly
Cyanide, I'm sorry that were making you feel that we don't care about you for bombarding on that overly-religious and anti-gay user the only reason we're doing it is to defend you, but if you want us to stop giving that user attention, we will. I'm not at home yet but I'll be soon, so when I get there I'll look for materials to post for you |
Thanks for being sensitive and understanding. Also thank you for defending me, but I don't think anyone's opinion about me can affect me right now except for my own, which is truly confused and broken
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 1,373
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Member Since: 3/15/2013
Posts: 7,633
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Quote:
Originally posted by KiiPopHunty
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Thanks so much!
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 5,883
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Good luck sis 
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Member Since: 9/1/2013
Posts: 6,762
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Quote:
Originally posted by loveless
As a Christian myself, I can say your mom's reaction was great. She's going to love you regardless of your choices, but she'll NEVER be okay with you being gay, just as she will never be okay with you being a thief, adulterer, idolater, or identifying yourself with any other sin. That doesn't mean she won't love you, she will. She'll likely pray for you everyday too, as will I.
Your old enough to make your own decision and your own CHOICES, and that includes choosing to be gay.
Same same attraction ≠ being gay, nor it is a sin. You can't control that.
Same sex attraction + ACTING on that attraction = Being gay. This is a sin, and requires a choice.
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That's very ignorant tbh
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Member Since: 3/15/2013
Posts: 7,633
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Bittersweet, but it finally feels OK
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Member Since: 8/9/2012
Posts: 18,572
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Quote:
Originally posted by Cyanide
Bittersweet, but it finally feels OK
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She's growing! I hope you clockedT her on saying she wished she prevented it, and trying to say your gay because you didn't have a father figure. She's still thinking your gay because something went wrong and that's ok.
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Member Since: 12/30/2011
Posts: 15,778
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Quote:
Originally posted by Cyanide
Bittersweet, but it finally feels OK
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She said she loves you unconditionally. The rest in time can get better. Honestly Having my brother come out made me go from not even really thinking about the gay community that much to being a huge supporter of LGBT. Having someone you love dearly be part of the LGBT community makes you understand it so much more. Right now your mom is in shock but I honestly think she will come around. Just give it time.
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Member Since: 6/24/2012
Posts: 24,708
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I am glad everything is finally starting to turn good. Just give her time.
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Member Since: 11/4/2006
Posts: 37,808
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It will get better! She just does not know how to react to something like that and she might be afraid on how society might treat you. I think that is where she is coming from.
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 1,777
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OP I'm sorry for replying much later than I said, but I finally found something:
https://www.newscientist.com/article...-on-gay-genes/
They studied hundreds of gay brothers/twins and it possibly shows that genetics play are role in homosexuality, which proves your point. You should read it and show your mom. The article has a link to the original study, but idk if you'll be able to access it.
Quote:
Originally posted by KiiPopHunty
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These are good too, especially the last three with the religion angle. That way maybe you're mom will see that religion and homosexuality can in fact be compatible.
Sorry for the late reply, hope you read it. If you do talk to your mom tomorrow hopefully you'll have another friend or relative with you that you can go to in case that you face rejection from your mother. Good luck tomorrow 
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Member Since: 1/4/2014
Posts: 22,877
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Quote:
Originally posted by loveless
As a Christian myself, I can say your mom's reaction was great. She's going to love you regardless of your choices, but she'll NEVER be okay with you being gay, just as she will never be okay with you being a thief, adulterer, idolater, or identifying yourself with any other sin. That doesn't mean she won't love you, she will. She'll likely pray for you everyday too, as will I.
Your old enough to make your own decision and your own CHOICES, and that includes choosing to be gay.
Same same attraction ≠ being gay, nor it is a sin. You can't control that.
Same sex attraction + ACTING on that attraction = Being gay. This is a sin, and requires a choice.
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Ignorant and embarrassing. Using religion as an excuse to be ignorant and not to educate yourself and see there is more to life and reality than what fits within the narrow, outdated constraints of medieval beliefs is how humanity grows and changes.
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Member Since: 8/18/2013
Posts: 40,566
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Member Since: 10/17/2011
Posts: 8,965
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she's in denial. Listen it can be tough for moms sometimes when their kid comes out.
For me, my entire family took it really well, with the exception of my mom. In fact we can't bring up the topic cause she gets all tense. She tells me all the time she loves me no matter what and will support me, the thing is, I personally think she's scared about how I will deal with society because there is still homophobia and stuff like that.
My advice for you is, let her take her time, she will come through at the end hopefully. And just be close to family and friends who support you. It's important for you to feel the love as well, and show her that there is support and love for you in this world 
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Member Since: 9/1/2013
Posts: 3,235
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So basically my mom asked me a while ago" So you like girls right and not boys?" and I basically said I was asexual, and only attracted to people emotionally and physically but not sexually. But she seems to think that I just made that up so I didn't have to say I was gay. Like I have online gay friends on twitter and she was worried about me like hooking up and I was just.... So I guess I just have to be patient and hope she understands.
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 1,477
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Honestly, her West african up bringing is going to dictate her logic. I see people saying she's in denial, but this is what she's been bought up to believe. They're not in denial they genuinely believe this. Also because 90% of Nigerian gays are in the closet they see it as a western thing. My friend went to Ghana for 4 weeks and 3 of the guys he worked with were closeted. People from highly homophobic countries typically have these kind of views like you've been possessed by the devil, chosen a seedy lifestyle or are confused and unwell. I think you need to do 2 things.
1. Educate her.
-Ask why would you choose to be gay? --Explain to her how you discovered your sexuality and that you're simply not attracted to girls are drawn to guys.
-If you don't already knowthere is pretty convincing science that the hypothalamus is partially responsible for sexuality and that's based on biology. Research that and inform her.
- Challenge her views on the moral standing of homosexuality. Make her explain who it's harmful to or who it hurts. If she references the Bible, then say you're no different from someone who has sex before wedlock or address all the messed up stuff said in the old testament which she surely doesn't agree with like stoning of non Virgins, or forbidding people from wearing 2 distinct fabrics at the same time etc
2. Give her time. Your sexuality should not be an essential part of your relationship with your mum. It would be ideal to be able to share things with her and bring to her your future partner, but try and let your relationship blossom outside of this issue. If she refuses to come to terms with it and it damages your relationship, there is not much you can do.
My parents are Ghanaian, so I understand your struggle. I simply have no interest in informing them of my sexuality, specifically my mom who is far less westernised in her thought process. My feelings may change if I find a partner, but that time has yet to come. It was important for me to come out to friends because relationships and attractions are a coming talking point and you need someone to confide in, I dont talk about such things with my parents. I'm pretty much out to everyone except my parents and I feel great.
Anyways, things will work out. You don't need your mother's blessings to find happiness in yourself. If you need to sidestep the issue to preserve your relationship with her, then do it. Accepting parents is not something everyone will have the fortune of having.
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 1,477
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Just read the text, if she loves you unconditionally then she will definitely come around in the end! Very happy for you x
Keep educating her when you have the opportunities. Most gays have a father figure in their life, lack of one is not a cause.
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