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Tournament: ATRL's Drag Race - A New Superstar! (Pg. 393)
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 26,488
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Quote:
Originally posted by feelslikeadream
My day job is leading a children's choir (and obvs. singing to them to show them the right key/pitch, etc.) but nice try anyway. I would say being a bitter ass hater isn't for you, but it seems like you actually excel in that role.
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I have so many awful things I could say right now, but I'll refrain.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 5/28/2011
Posts: 39,615
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Quote:
Originally posted by Tymps.
It was a slant rhyme though~
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And I said it SLAN'T be used
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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Quote:
Originally posted by feelslikeadream
My day job is leading a children's choir (and obvs. singing to them to show them the right key/pitch, etc.) but nice try anyway. I would say being a bitter ass hater isn't for you, but it seems like you actually excel in that role.
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Get him and his angry-self!!
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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Meanwhile while we wait for the results while the judges score, let's spend this time while listening to some gaga
A.K.A. the queen of drag queens
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Banned
Member Since: 11/7/2011
Posts: 36,781
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Quote:
Originally posted by feelslikeadream
My day job is leading a children's choir (and obvs. singing to them to show them the right key/pitch, etc.) but nice try anyway. I would say being a bitter ass hater isn't for you, but it seems like you actually excel in that role.
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Well as the saying goes, those who can't do, teach!
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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I get jpow and jax. confused
anyways stop being jerks and find your own talents, if you have any that is 
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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Team 1, you had a decent entry, though it had its questionable moments. I know parodies are hard to do, especially when you're trying to shoehorn the parody to fit a specific message, and I commend you for doing one. I think a lot of your song's flaws came from the limitations of a parody and having too many chefs in one stew.
Your song, though well-written, ultimately lacks depth and the ability to capture the reader. You provided many perspectives, which is good, but you didn't spend enough time on each one for it to have an effect and some of the transitions were rather jarring. For instance:
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[You] Should’ve worn a condom
Before you put it in my bottom
[You] Shouldn’t have swallowed that ***
‘Cause henny now you got bad blood
Hey
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The second half of the chorus seems to be a narrator neglecting to inform a lover of the narrator's status and laughing at the possibility of his lover having HIV. That's the exact opposite of "advocating safe sex and responsible practices". And this excerpt makes up half of the chorus, which is the most repeated and remembered part of a song. And then there are other confusing parts like:
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Condoms save you from disease
That will hurt when you go pee
You went bareback, now pay the fee
When you’re going down below
Wrap it up before you go
You put one on, or it’s a no
If you go bareback, you won’t be clean!
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The bolded, while true, isn't a symptom of HIV and AIDS. HIV victims often go without visible symptoms for years, while gonorrhea is what is associated with a "disease that will hurt when you go pee". Though one should avoid both, it should be clear that a song meant to be about HIV is talking about HIV.
The underlined has no relevance to any other part of the bridge and sounds like it was thrown in with haste. It also goes against what should be the primary message of promoting responsible practices and sounds like you're condemning those who already have HIV.
When you do a parody, you're already confined by the song's structure, genre, syllable count and rhyme scheme. You did well in making a parody, and the lyrics are well-written. However, the song by itself lacks focus, sends conflicting messages and confuses the reader in certain sections. When I look at the
Smarties
Skittles pack of colors spread across the lyrics, I can see why the song is inconsistent. That said, it didn't grasp me as a reader. The flaws here and there removed my suspension of disbelief and prevented me from taking it seriously as a song highlighting HIV and promoting safe and responsible sexual practices.
I'm working on Team 3's review at the moment. This took longer than I thought it would, so I'll post them separately.
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Banned
Member Since: 11/7/2011
Posts: 36,781
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Quote:
Originally posted by HausofNiko
I get jpow and jax. confused
anyways stop being jerks and find your own talents, if you have any that is |
this isn't the time for me to brag lol
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and @moonchild u know things dont have to be so serious and dark to get the message across.
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 26,488
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Quote:
Originally posted by jax.
and @moonchild u know things dont have to be so serious and dark to get the message across.
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Exactly. You cannot possible think that making a serious song in a drag competition would be a good idea. Drag is supposed to involve camp and humor, even when talking about serious situations. The "hurts when I pee" line is not just about gonorrhea, but nearly every STI and it's definitely possible to be infected by both HIV and another one at a same time. BUT, it added some humor and camp to the song, which was completely missing from Team 2.
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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Quote:
Originally posted by jax.
and @moonchild u know things dont have to be so serious and dark to get the message across. |
No, but it does have to be consistent, clear and knowledgeable, and your song isn't.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 5/28/2011
Posts: 39,615
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Quote:
Originally posted by Moonchild
No, but it does have to be consistent, clear and knowledgeable, and your song isn't.
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Ruthless 
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Banned
Member Since: 11/7/2011
Posts: 36,781
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Quote:
Originally posted by Moonchild
No, but it does have to be consistent, clear and knowledgeable, and your song isn't.
Mess @ XO deleting his post, too.
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How is it not clear or knowledgeable, oh wise one?
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Member Since: 6/25/2010
Posts: 18,931
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What kind of username is Citrus?
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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Quote:
Originally posted by jpow
Exactly. You cannot possible think that making a serious song in a drag competition would be a good idea. Drag is supposed to involve camp and humor, even when talking about serious situations. The "hurts when I pee" line is not just about gonorrhea, but nearly every STI and it's definitely possible to be infected by both HIV and another one at a same time. BUT, it added some humor and camp to the song, which was completely missing from Team 2.
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Quote:
Originally posted by Citrus
In order to bring attention to the startlingly high and increasing HIV infection rates in the LGBT community, you will be split into teams to write songs advocating safe sex and responsible practices. |
Quote:
Originally posted by X/O/X/O
CitRus, is there a requirement for length/structure/etc. for the song? |
Quote:
Originally posted by Citrus
Nope! No genre requirement, either. I'm excited to see what everyone does!
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This was a challenge with no restrictions on style or genre. This is Drag Race, but it was at no point said, implied or expected of us to make our song camp and humorous. It's fine that you took that approach, but my team's approach is no less valid.
Quote:
Originally posted by jpow
It's easy to be consistent when your song has one verse and a repeated chorus and that's it.
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Considering that description matches none of the teams' entries, I don't see how this statement is relevant.
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 26,488
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Quote:
Originally posted by jax.
How is it not clear or knowledgeable, oh wise one?
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Moonchild is pressed that Team 1 was able to convey the message of safe sex and responsible practices in a campy, humorous way. 
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 26,488
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Quote:
Originally posted by Moonchild
This is Drag Race, but it was at no point said, implied or expected of us to make our song camp and humorous. It's fine that you took that approach, but my team's approach is no less valid.
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Girl, have you ever watched an episode of Drag Race?
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Banned
Member Since: 11/7/2011
Posts: 36,781
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Quote:
Originally posted by jpow
Moonchild is pressed that Team 1 was able to convey the message of safe sex and responsible practices in a campy, humorous way.
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as i've been told numerous times by acting teachers, humor is one of the hardest things to pull off. not everyone can do it. poor moonchild 
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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Quote:
Originally posted by jax.
How is it not clear or knowledgeable, oh wise one?
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See the perspective issue as an example of a lack of clarity and the "hurts when you pee" line as an example of a lack of knowledge. They are both in the post above where I took time to provide constructive criticism on your entry instead of attacking other contestants in a bitchy and unnecessary manner.
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Banned
Member Since: 11/7/2011
Posts: 36,781
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Quote:
Originally posted by Moonchild
See the perspective issue as an example of a lack of clarity and the "hurts when you pee" line as an example of a lack of knowledge. They are both in the post above where I took time to provide constructive criticism on your entry instead of attacking other contestants in a bitchy and unnecessary manner.
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did you even read jpow's post
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Member Since: 6/25/2010
Posts: 18,931
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Why can't we all be friends? 
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