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Tournament: PLΔTINUM HIT 7
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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TT I'm ready for reviews.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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 Part 1A Part Of Me (Nait Phoenix) : On the one hand, you definitely did a good job when it comes to representing paranoia. And that's an important part of the challenge, which you excelled at. However, I'm not sure about the actual content. I loved how unconventional the structure was, but when it comes to the actual lyrics, I didn't think there were enough standout lines to carry the song above its competition. I also thought the idea about the different parts of you could and should have been expanded to the chorus and the rap verse. But it was good.
Around The Fire (dwuw) : I liked it! It wasn't as good as Crystalline, but I liked it. The topic was clear, your imagery was good However, there are a few things I should point out. 1) glass and war don't rhyme and I really needed a rhyme there to complete that section, 2) the theme of freedom was prominent in the chorus and the pre-chorus, but not so much in the verses. You should have only spent 2-3 lines to describe the feeling you had before being set free, not both of the verses. But it was overall less bad than you seem to think it was 
Battleground (JustLuke) : The chorus was good, I liked it. I also liked the first half of the 1st verse, although the second half was messed up by the lack of rhyming / proper stressing (current / burnt). The second verse however is when I was expecting the song to take off and instead you gave me a plain description of what the doctors did and said... When I write a song about depression, it has to evoke pain, hopelessness... A simple description of a visit to the doctor didn't do that for me... It was on topic, but a rather dry, literal interpretation of that topic. But it wasn't a bad entry overall.
Beautiful & Deadly (Hugamari) : A return to form  This is definitely your best entry so far. You kept all of the advantages of your top 10 songs (fast pace, well crafted verses, tight rhyming, perfect meter), but you added some pretty amazing structure! I could definitely envision the song just by skimming and seeing how you divided your parts. There are only two problem in this song, but neither affected your score significantly. 1) it's in the same vein of your first two entries, which I totally get after you experimented with #OTF, 2) it gave me more of a "hot" vibe than it gave me a beauty vibe.
Birdsong (lovesong) : For God's sake  This song fulfills all the potential I saw in you in round 1 and even exceeds them. First of all, it's completely free of cliches and it's a perfect representation of your theme without being predictable or easy. Secondly, the way you wrote the chorus was absolutely flawless. The whole progression of the intricacy of the song (verses > pre-chorus > chorus), making the chorus be the most simplistic part of the song, was genius. It was anthemic, relatable, refreshing and it evoked HAPPY. There are so many beautiful lines in this, I won't even start naming them. I just have one piece of advice. Some contestants do better when they keep their vocabulary at an advanced level, but I feel like a balance between advanced and simple is what works best for you, cause your best lines were located in that happy middle. The first verse was my least favorite part of the song (not saying it was bad), mainly because it was above that perfectly crafted happy middle
Broken Wounds (Jezang) : This was an interesting approach to the subject. To be honest, a lot of contestants took their keywords extremely literally, so your risk gave you a few extra points. However, there were a lot of lyrics that felt a little... overly juvenile, moreso than the concept would seemingly entail. A lot of it felt like the theme song of a cartoon show and if that was your purpose, you achieved it, definitely. I'm just not quite sure that in round 4, a potential cartoon show theme can survive... Especialy since it lacked in execution. "designed for horror" and "broken wounds" were a little bit awkward. But on a more positive note, it did have a good pace, relatively good rhyming and some good lines, like "light veiled behind the clouds", that sounded good.
Butterflies (swiftie13) : I enjoyed it! The chorus was amazing and I loved how it alternated to showcase your new found optimism about this relationship starting! A lot of good lines in the chorus as well. Now my main problem with this song is that it started off really awkwardly, since the first verse is rather try-hard in its content and delivery. In general, it was the chorus(es) that carried the song mostly
Don't Hold Your Breath (The Original High) : I think you may have missed the point of the challenge a little bit... You were supposed to write a song about "end", but I see an empowerment anthem. I get that the element of ending is somewhat present since the song is essentially about living your life before your time is up, but "end" is by no means the prominent topic of the song. I liked the second verse and the bridge though and you still had perfect meter and rhyming like in all your entries, but the concept didn't necessarily fit the challenge (nor was it very exciting)
Fairy Tales (HausofNiko) : Baby no  You know I like you and I appreciate your passion about PH, but this song is just no. It's overly juvenile, it has a lot of forced rhymes, its concept is predictable and not a single line stood out. It's a sweet song, but by no means strong enough to get you through the contest, especially now that it's getting more and more competitive...
Fire's Beat (DripDrip) : First of all, I LOVED your interpretation of your keyword. You ALWAYS bring the most interesting, unexpected concepts to the table and I stan for you because of it. The switch-up in your song, showcasing both of you are beasts, and the concept of mutual violence and overall chaos was just breathtaking and well executed. Now, the last thing you need to do is try to tame the songwriting beast and make it focus on the details a little bit more. I know noone enjoys to count their syllables to verify their meter, but sadly it has to be done...
Hold My Soul Tonight (YoungCalifornia) : What I love the most about you is your rhyming. You always nail it. You have top notch inside rhyming, even with words that are hard to rhyme. You can do no wrong in that aspect. Conceptually, however, this song did not reflect your key word properly and lacked in actual content. It felt very underworked, although I can see "I'm paranoid, with paronia" becoming PH-iconic 
Just A Dream (ClarksonSlays) : This started off pretty awkwardly, since the first verse was rather corny in its content. The chorus and the bridge did make up for it, but as a whole, this isn't your best work. But it's not bad either and you had a pretty chaotic week, so, given that you had immunity, submitting a solid, but not amazing song is good enough.
Lucid Control (Eros) : I got a good vibe from this. The rhyming is excellent and so is the meter. Content wise, it's all rather abstract, almost nonsensical at times, but I feel like that was kind of the point. It works
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Member Since: 8/18/2013
Posts: 12,955
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He may post them on the next page
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 59,202
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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This is...the part when...I say
idowajfvka
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Not this being the first time I'm not in part 1 of the reviews. 
Good for lovesong, though. A very talented songwriter. 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Ugh I have to wait for Part 2.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 59,202
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Welp.
Rest in piss Luke's non-existent songwriting career
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 13,381
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Guys, I promise I'm gonna be more in depth with my reviews from now on since I'll have more time to read/review since school is finally coming to an end 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Quote:
Originally posted by MattyTacos
Guys, I promise I'm gonna be more in depth with my reviews from now on since I'll have more time to read/review since school is finally coming to an end |
Can't wait to get dragged. 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 13,381
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Quote:
Originally posted by conatus
Can't wait to get dragged. |
I think I liked your song
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 2,514
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I love my feedback!! So concise.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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I got the worst review  (
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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I hope the rest of the judges liked my song
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Why do I feel like I'd be the Paula of the panel if I was a judge? I read a few of those songs that got bad reviews and I liked them. 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 13,381
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Wait, Sparks just put me in the best mood ever
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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Yayyy the review was good!
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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People hate Catastrophe dddd
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Quote:
Originally posted by MattyTacos
Wait, Sparks just put me in the best mood ever
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Let me give it a few plays.
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