Member Since: 7/9/2010
Posts: 42,506
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jewfro
Rihanna slaps her 2006 Nokia Razor shut and rolls her eyes. Then she laughs to herself. Auntie, she thinks. That implies some type of love. But she could never love anything that came out of that pvssy.
Rihanna’s face grows stone cold as she turns around to Esther Dean. “I need a #1 album,” Rihanna quips. “You have two days to write me a hit album. Do it now.” Esther nods. A grunt comes from the back of the room. Rihanna rolls her eyes. It’s Sia, who’s an ugly version of Smeagol.
“You can help too, Sia. I guess,” Rihanna sighs. Sia grins like a retarded kid who just got a sticker because he didn’t sh!t himself today. “Yes,” she grunts. “Like diamonds. Diamonds. Diamonds!”
Rihanna blinks a few times, turns away, and then pulls out her 1985 first generation cell phone. She texts how hard it is to produce an album and how much work is involved. She sends it to Katy Perry, who agrees whole<3edly.
“Have you picked out your persona for this era yet?” Esther interrupts. Rihanna turns back around, visibly annoyed. The reflection from Rihanna’s fivehead nearly blinds Esther, who squints.
“Yeah, I wanna be like…I wanna be like that girl, you know? That girl that everyone sees in the club and is like, ‘Yeah, I wanna be that girl.’ You know what I mean?” Rihanna ponders.
“You mean fun?” Esther retorts. “Yeah, that,” Rihanna says. “And make sure you sing the demos exactly the way you want me to sing them. Like, pitch is everything.”
Esther nods and returns to work. Rihanna pulls out her 2002 Dell laptop and logs on to billboard.com.
“HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.” Rihanna cackles loud. She’s looking at Beyonce’s Hot 100 performances ever since 4 was released. She’ll never get more #1s than me. Bleached stanky pvssy prostitute dog bitch could never. Will never.
Rihanna smiles. “I’m gonna run to Beyonce’s really quick. I’ve had a long day and this album certainly isn’t going to write itself.”
Sia runs toward Rihanna to say goodbye but is jerked back. She reached the end of her leash.
Rihanna rolls her eyes. As she walks out of the studio, she’s on the phone. “Well, hello sexy beautiful mama. Tell little Blue that Auntie Rih Rih is on her way.” She winks at Esther as she walks out the door.
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Embarrassing 
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