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Discussion: Post A Joke!
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 59,202
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Post a joke you find to be humorous.
How simple is that.
KEEP IT CLEAN
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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This is one of my favorites…
Quote:
There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence.
So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country.
Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.
"If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?" she asked.
The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed.
"You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph.
Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice.
She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked.
She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, "if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?"
The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. "You're a blonde! Now give me back my dog."
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Member Since: 9/2/2012
Posts: 13,773
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Okay here's a joke:
A blue car is driving on the road, what's missing?
The joke 
I know ... this is funny
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Member Since: 5/6/2011
Posts: 26,891
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "It tells me that someone has stolen our tent."
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 59,202
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nnmmo
Okay here's a joke:
A blue car is driving on the road, what's missing?
The joke
I know ... this is funny |
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/14/2010
Posts: 78,921
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Quote:
Originally posted by genetic fail
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "It tells me that someone has stolen our tent."
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.
Suddenly, Lorraine died.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
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Member Since: 3/2/2014
Posts: 7,276
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nnmmo
Okay here's a joke:
A blue car is driving on the road, what's missing?
The joke
I know ... this is funny |
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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Quote:
Originally posted by genetic fail
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "It tells me that someone has stolen our tent."
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Member Since: 6/25/2010
Posts: 18,931
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I love this whole thing when a funny person asks the questions to someone, it only works when you try to answer them though.
How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
 answer
Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door.
How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door
The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. Which animal does not?
The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator.
There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and u do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
Jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 5,624
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Quote:
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
Why did she go to the other side? To go to the bar.
Why did she go to the bar? To go to the toilet.
Why did she go to the toilet? Because that's where all the ***** hang out.
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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Quote:
Originally posted by G.U.Y
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 59,202
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nait Phoenix
A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.
Suddenly, Lorraine died.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dancehall
I love this whole thing when a funny person asks the questions to someone, it only works when you try to answer them though.
How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
answer
Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door.
How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door
The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. Which animal does not?
The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator.
There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and u do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
Jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.
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Quote:
Originally posted by G.U.Y
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Member Since: 9/2/2012
Posts: 13,773
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dancehall
I love this whole thing when a funny person asks the questions to someone, it only works when you try to answer them though.
How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
answer
Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door.
How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door
The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. Which animal does not?
The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator.
There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and u do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
Jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.
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How creative
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Member Since: 8/20/2011
Posts: 8,848
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Why was the ink drop sad?
Because her dad was in the pen and she didn't know how long the sentence would be.
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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Quote:
Originally posted by Haus_of_Will
Why was the ink drop sad?
Because her dad was in the pen and she didn't know how long the sentence would be. |
That one's clever… 
Here's one… this one is both dark, but humorous without being too twisted…
Quote:
A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.
"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.
There was silence, and then the masochist said: "Meow."
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Member Since: 8/18/2013
Posts: 5,608
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All of these infuriated me. 
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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Quote:
Originally posted by BeyonceHatesMe
All of these infuriated me. |
Seriously? These aren't even that bad…
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Member Since: 5/6/2011
Posts: 26,891
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A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."
The woman freed the frog.
The frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"
The woman said, "That would be okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to."
The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said, "That will be okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered. "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them!
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good!
Male readers: Please scroll down.
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart!
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show!
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 59,202
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Quote:
Originally posted by genetic fail
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."
The woman freed the frog.
The frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"
The woman said, "That would be okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to."
The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said, "That will be okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered. "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them!
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good!
Male readers: Please scroll down.
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart!
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show!
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!
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