Kendrick Lamar Is Beyonce
Back in 2009, a young K-Dot released a song called "Beyonce," where he—an unknown Compton kid—attempts to steal Mrs. Carter's hand from Jay Z...through wacky, convoluted hijinks. (Example: He'd have Affion Crockett call her and, in Hov's voice, read lines about how he'd thrown his wedding ring away. It's not a particularly good song.)
Four years later, Kendrick is not some anonymous kid anymore; he is (or was?) GQ's Man of the Year. Like Beyonce, he didn't put out an album this year, but through savvy, talent, and stunts, he dominated the conversation. Where she's got the #BeyHive forcefield protecting her, he too has somehow become bulletproof of criticism. It's clear that King Bey wears the crown in R&B in 2013. She should expect Kendrick to join her on the throne.
Kanye West Is Lady Gaga
The only rules of fashion—as dictated by David Bowie—are 1.) Turn to the left, and 2.) Turn to the right. Only thing is, you have to get in the door first, something Kanye has largely been unable to do (at least to his liking). Where Kanye has been blocked by classist gatekeepers, Lady Gaga is doing what Kanye wants. She's teamed up with H&M, Armani, Versace...and yet, most offensive to him is her collaboration with Polaroid. (He told Zane Lowe, "She's the creative director of Polaroid. I like some of the Gaga songs. What the **** does she know about cameras?") Thing is, they're very much the same in their philosophies, that music is but one of their many talents and that their celebrity is but a tool to create change. Laugh at her meat dress and his DONDA-sized aspirations, but they just want to reshape the world. Simple as that.
Chief Keef Is Justin Bieber
Won't someone please think of the children?! Chief Keef is running around, hating being sober, speaking without vowels and hanging out in Gucci Mane's driveway. He's in and out of jail, giving label reps nightmares and putting pre-teens into hysterics. Justin Bieber—once a darling of mothers everywhere—has been rolling around with a bevy of Brazilian prostitutes and getting blazed in a haze of bad publicity (but hey, at least he's putting out some great music). He pissed in a mop bucket! Ugh. Mothers don't know what to do with him anymore, except sleep with him! Unbelievable. Won't someone control this kid? He's this generation's Miley Cyrus! And just look at what happened to her. Tsk tsk. Lord knows what will happen if these two ever run into each other and the world collapses in on itself.
Nicki Minaj Is Katy Perry
Nicki and Katy share many things in common: pink hair clips, cupcake dresses, bright lipsticks, and gossipy phone calls. Oh, and producers. Because when Nicki's making pop songs, she goes to Max Martin and Dr. Luke, the same showhorses in Katy Perry's stable. Ha-ha-ha, they're exactly the same! Oh wait, no they're not, because Nicki is absolutely killer as a rapper, upstaging everyone in her guest spots: Kanye West to Lil Wayne, Drake to Big Sean, Busta to...well, everyone. Katy's a non-factor in the hip-hop world, except as a way for Rick Ross to describe his cocaine. Even still, Ellen's two wee scamps Sophia Grace and Rosie probably have a very tough time deciding who they like better.
Tyler, The Creator Is Miley Cyrus
Remember Punk'd? Tyler, the Creator and Miley Cyrus are the feeling one gets when Ashton Kutcher ran out. There was a point when Tyler was shocking, when he was screaming "KILL PEOPLE BURN **** **** SCHOOL" and no one could find Earl or their parents and it was genuinely terrifying. Then there was that "throw a unicorn or a kitty cat on things and it's weird so it's art" phase. But now that he's making million-dollar bets with Will.I.Am about artistic integrity, it's back to being interesting.
Somewhere along the way, he befriended Miley, who has grown up into a person her age. Disney made her out to be this stand-up citizen; now she's a bent-over twerker/tweaker. This has led to a lot of faux outrage: She smoked drugs—in Amsterdam! She dances provocatively! She has beef with Sinead O'Connor! She'll be fine. Relax. It's just for attention.
Lil Wayne Is Rihanna
"Walk around the club, **** everybody." That's a Lil Wayne line, one of many that could apply to Rihanna, a walking middle finger if there ever was one. Lil Wayne broke a lot of the supposed rules: he double-cupped his way through a few years, he caught a gun charge, he called himself the "best rapper alive."
Those years all seem quaint, now, when Rihanna is taking his influence to the next level. She throws shade like Wayne makes bad fashion choices: easily and often. It's a long trail of victims: Chris Brown, Drake, Teyana Taylor, Ciara, Amanda Bynes, MTV, Karrueche Tran, everyone on the #RihannaPlane, various and random commenters, Drake again. Everyone urged Lil Wayne to clean himself up: after he did, he got boring. We'll see what happens to Rihanna, if she ever does the same.
Drake Is Taylor Swift
It's easy to compare Drake to Taylor Swift because they're ultra-popular recording artists who namecheck exes to further their own careers. And Big Ghostfase would probably put these two together because they're softer than a baby's nuts on terrycloth, b. (Or whatever.) But, if anything, these two are similar because they're this generation's biggest stars. There are few pop stars who can get on 60 Minutes' radar: Taylor Swift and Adele are the two who've come to mind. There are few who can get Kanye West to come to their home-grown festivals: Drake and Tyler, the Creator. They are safe, they are successful...and a lot of people hate them for it.
http://t.co/3IxeURJZhZ
Both **** off for years, have Oscars, slay with little effort, and make everyone pressed (for different reasons).
Lil Wayne is Rihanna.
