Top 10 Reasons Why “Ratchet Beyonce” Doesn’t Work
1.“A$AP Bey” feels forced
Killer Bey’s buzz snippet sounds too much like a Rihanna x A$AP Rocky record to not actually be one. Before evolving into a middle-aged hoodrat, she never cussed. Now she’s calling “b*tches” all kinds of “b*tches” on records? Nah, Bey. THIS ain’t you.
2.She’s not Rihanna
Musically, A$AP Bey swerved into Rihanna’s lane but lacks the gleefully-ratchet hoodrat spirit to pull it off. No, RiRi can’t sing worth a deep-fried damn but she’s always had a better ear for hits than Bey Bey.
3.She’s too musically-irrelevant to be THIS cocky
Adele has sold more copies of ONE album (25 million) than every Project Bey album combined (24 million). If anything, Bey Bey should be bowing before Queen Adele.
4.She’s too old and married to be “ratchet”
36-year-old Pop icon, wife and mother making High School burn book anthems? Seriously, how do you go from grown & employed R&B (“4”) to “fighting over tweets on WorldStar”-music? Does not compute.
5.“Bow Down/I Been On” is completely-unoriginal
Why would the most talented artist of her generation resort to music fads and gimmicks? Where is the artistic growth? How can you be the queen if you’re “borrowing” concepts from peasants?
6.Everything we thought we knew about King Bey, we don’t
Bey Bey revealed inner-demons in her Documentary to connect with fans then morphed into Diamond from Crime Mob on “Bow Down.” 4 whole albums and NOW you activate your inner-hoodrat? Who are you, Beyonce? No, really?
7.She’s not K. Michelle
…because “Bow Down” is something the super-ratchet singer would perform at a show…inside Citi Trends.
8.Her insecurities are showing
Bey Bey is rich and powerful enough to buy Heaven from God but sounds bitter, angry and insecure on “Bow Down.” WHO is she talking to? Why does “Bow Down” sound like a voicemail she left Keri Hilson? If she’s music royalty, what’s the point?
9.She’s not Nivea in 2002
…or Ciara in 2004. Or Brooke Valentine. Or Fantasia. Or Gangsta Boo. Nope.
10.Queens don’t crown themselves
Others are supposed to crown you. Crowning yourself when you’re no longer the hottest chick in the game? Delusional.
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