Discussion: Can you guys listen to my song?

TrashyNavy

http://soundcloud.com/conradstiles/c...-my-mind-first
It serves as the first single off my upcoming album
what do you think?

Get $leazy

Reminds me of Jeffree Star a little bit.
It's nice.

TrashyNavy

thanks

Blue.

As a songwritter I will be completely crude: It's goddam awful. Lyrics are cheap, verses are not well constructed metrically, they are just beyond saving.
Going to your delivery, I don't wanna offend you, but you sound too femenine to put it kindly. my advice is to lower your register a bit and instead of singing from your nose, try on a more raspy, husky voice. That way you would can suggest sexyness avoiding being so offputting.

EDIT: The major problem is the lack of a hook.

GabeEd

Quote:

Originally posted by Blue.

As a songwritter I will be completely crude: It's goddam awful. Lyrics are cheap, verses are not well constructed metrically, they are just beyond saving.
Going to your delivery, I don't wanna offend you, but you sound too femenine to put it kindly. my advice is to lower your register a bit and instead of singing from your nose, try on a more raspy, husky voice. That way you would can suggest sexyness avoiding being so offputting.

EDIT: The major problem is the lack of a hook.

Well, damn.

At least you're honest.

Space Renegade

Quote:

Originally posted by Blue.

As a songwritter I will be completely crude: It's goddam awful. Lyrics are cheap, verses are not well constructed metrically, they are just beyond saving.
Going to your delivery, I don't wanna offend you, but you sound too femenine to put it kindly. my advice is to lower your register a bit and instead of singing from your nose, try on a more raspy, husky voice. That way you would can suggest sexyness avoiding being so offputting.

EDIT: The major problem is the lack of a hook.

sis NOOOOOOOO!!!

jose168

conrad hun did you make an account here just for this

TrashyNavy

Well I'm here for honesty and I appreciate your input

Jeffsuxx

James Maslow

Quote:

Originally posted by Blue.

As a songwritter I will be completely crude: It's goddam awful. Lyrics are cheap, verses are not well constructed metrically, they are just beyond saving.
Going to your delivery, I don't wanna offend you, but you sound too femenine to put it kindly. my advice is to lower your register a bit and instead of singing from your nose, try on a more raspy, husky voice. That way you would can suggest sexyness avoiding being so offputting.

EDIT: The major problem is the lack of a hook.

Now, that's a honest review!

popperfection

Quote:

Originally posted by Blue.

As a songwritter I will be completely crude: It's goddam awful. Lyrics are cheap, verses are not well constructed metrically, they are just beyond saving.
Going to your delivery, I don't wanna offend you, but you sound too femenine to put it kindly. my advice is to lower your register a bit and instead of singing from your nose, try on a more raspy, husky voice. That way you would can suggest sexyness avoiding being so offputting.

EDIT: The major problem is the lack of a hook.

I don't think its that bad at all.

Keep working at it sis.

brpk

Quote:

Originally posted by Blue.

As a songwritter I will be completely crude: It's goddam awful. Lyrics are cheap, verses are not well constructed metrically, they are just beyond saving.
Going to your delivery, I don't wanna offend you, but you sound too femenine to put it kindly. my advice is to lower your register a bit and instead of singing from your nose, try on a more raspy, husky voice. That way you would can suggest sexyness avoiding being so offputting.

EDIT: The major problem is the lack of a hook.

Am I the only one who actually kind of enjoyed it?

Arking

The vocals are out of tune with the rest of the song, which confuses me because of the audible use of autotune on the vocals.

I see where you're going with the lyrics and style, giving me Jeffree Star+Chris Crocker+Kesha's hedonism, but it feels more off-putting than anything. I can believe Jeffree is a murderous glam alien murderess from Planet Hollywood, and I can believe Chris Crocker and Kesha just want to blackout and catch loads on their back all night long, but this song just feels like posturing. Taking those elements and running with it without any rhyme or reason (literally, in the case of your song) doesn't do you, or the song any credit.

It reminds me of Shoes with Porcelain Black lyrics.

supercalz

I wouldn't pay money for it

xLovatoEve

It's good

keep it up

TrashyNavy

Quote:

Originally posted by Arking

It reminds me of Shoes with Porcelain Black lyrics.

I'll take that

ethan

The autotune is a little much but I like the beat!

Johnny

It's not very good, and I feel like the worst of it is the lyrics, which you would be immediately panned for a la Friday. The production sounds like a cheap mess, too incoherent and it doesn't compliment your delivery (which I actually thought was pretty intriguing). Anyway, I feel like you do have a whole lot to improve on starting with song quality. Admittedly, it's not too far off from the modern standard for pop music but its not something I would hand to an A&R because it's way too offputting to do anything. I think you have the right sound but you haven't gotten it right just yet. Hoping my criticism helped you even a little, I'm sincerely not trying to tear you down.

vamp

The song is trashy. I love it!

MohammadMonster

tbh i don't like it