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Discussion: **** My Life.
Member Since: 5/28/2010
Posts: 29,225
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How many of you use this website? http://www.fmylife.com/
And the iPhone app? I love it.
So post some of your faves
OR
Post your own FML.
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Today, I attended an elderly man's funeral. As I approached the casket his wife said, "Thank you for coming." I replied with, "No, thank you." FML
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as;lkdfjlask;djf 
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Member Since: 12/24/2010
Posts: 37,039
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Today, as I was proposing to the love of my life in the park, a bird shat on the ring. FML
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asgasg 
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Member Since: 9/18/2011
Posts: 30,431
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Today, I found out that my wife purposefully eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML
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Member Since: 7/21/2010
Posts: 3,297
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Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "**** me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
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Member Since: 12/31/2010
Posts: 26,257
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Quote:
Originally posted by Deuces.
as;lkdfjlask;djf |
Damn. 
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Originally posted by Regina George
asgasg |
DAMN. 
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Originally posted by Cheers
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DAAMMMMMMMMMNNNN 
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Member Since: 6/7/2011
Posts: 22,128
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Today, my husband bleached his hair so, "our future kids will have blond hair too." I'm already married to this guy. FML
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OMG. 
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Member Since: 1/3/2010
Posts: 21,098
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I'll never forget that Single Ladies post I saw there. I mainly go there to laugh.
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Member Since: 12/31/2010
Posts: 26,257
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Quote:
Originally posted by adanmonster
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EOGHKEOHKEOKROHKRO
KIIIIII. I would've laid the smackdown on that friend.
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Member Since: 3/15/2011
Posts: 12,111
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Today, it's -20°C outside. Half way through my thirty minutes walk to work, my boss pulled up beside me in her car, said "You look cold. I'll see you at work." And then drove away. FML
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Member Since: 12/31/2010
Posts: 26,257
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Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML
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Banned
Member Since: 9/12/2011
Posts: 2,685
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Today, at school, I was scheduled to give a presentation to my class. As I arrived, my teacher said to me, "You're bleeding from the 120th pimple on your left cheek." FML
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Member Since: 12/4/2010
Posts: 37,894
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Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML
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o;lkbsd Aw.
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Member Since: 3/30/2009
Posts: 9,982
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Today, I didn't have plans on shaving my pubic hair. My girlfriend's braces thought otherwise. FML
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Today, my boyfriend kept whining at me, asking why I wouldn't have sex with him, seemingly not caring that my parents were in the room. FML
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Banned
Member Since: 9/12/2011
Posts: 2,685
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Quote:
Originally posted by Doc
o;lkbsd Aw.
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NO!!!!
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today, I explained to my dad that I think I have a vaginal infection. I asked if he could take me to the doctor. He responded by saying, "Just shove some ice up there. It'll go away." FML
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Member Since: 3/30/2009
Posts: 9,982
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Today, my girlfriend and I were hugging in the hall after school. This annoying kid I know walked by, and yelled, "Tiny penis!" at me. My girlfriend responded, "Yep." FML
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Today, I got home from my 6-week vacation. Apparently, my mum cleaned my room for me while I was gone because my vibrator was neatly tucked into my blanket, next to my pillow instead of being hidden under my bed. FML
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Member Since: 9/18/2011
Posts: 30,431
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Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should kidnap me for the day." My mom commented, "The only things willing to kidnap you are aliens, and that would be because they'd mistaken you for a cow." 16 people liked her comment. FML
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sfhdugjhsnf
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Member Since: 12/4/2010
Posts: 37,894
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Today, my adorable 8 year old son told me he no longer wanted me to pick him up from school. When I asked why he said. "I told everyone at school my mommy is pretty... and I don't want people to know I lied". FML
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Aw, now that's just sad. 
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Member Since: 3/30/2009
Posts: 9,982
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Today, the real estate guy came with potential buyers to visit my house. He opened my bedroom while I was wanking. FML
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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Member Since: 5/4/2011
Posts: 20,807
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Today, I had to sit through 10 minutes of hearing a man on the tram tell his friend in explicit detail about all the filthy sex acts he'd like to do to me. His friend told him to take a photo to jack off to later. When I tried to tell the tram driver, he told me to "take it as a compliment." FML
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Member Since: 5/24/2011
Posts: 29,233
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Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the **** up!". FML
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