Discussion: The Definitive Beyoncé Baby Timeline

KingSasha

Quote:

March 2011 - An angel comes down and tells Beyonce that it is time to create the the next Creole Wigsnatcher Diva Deluxe . The angel's exact wordage: "I Think You Need a Baby, None of These Bitches Can Fade You."

April 2011: The Conception - Jay-Z and Beyonce touch and agree while in Paris, France. It was a very romantic evening which involved red freakum heels, Beyonce's Deena Jones wig, a bottle of Ace of Spades, and The Best of Jodeci CD.

May 2011 - Beyonce slaughters the Billboard Music Award (while with child). Most of your favorites were fetus-free and were still late and out-of-breath.

June 2011 - Beyonce headlines Glastonbury (while with child). Two days later, she releases her 4th alberm, the aptly titled 4.

August 2011 - Beyonce performed a now legendary run at the Roseland Ballroom (while with child). Weeks later, at the VMA's, Beyonce's belly rub becomes iconic. Blue steals the spotlight and breaks Twitter records. Basic bitches are unable to deal.

September - December - The media, fans, and haters begin playing a game of "Where In The World is Beyonce's Infant"?

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You better get used to my name because I'm about to start snatching wigs, and you simple-ass, WIC-ass, pressed-ass, haters will ALL learn to deal!!!!!!"

Doc

Quote:

May 2011 - Beyonce slaughters the Billboard Music Award (while with child). Most of your favorites were fetus-free and were still late and out-of-breath.

I'm dead.

Quote:

11:32AM - Blue proclaims that she is "not here" for the hospital food. She sends Aunt Solange around the corner to get her a chicken basket and some cigarillos for her grandmothers.

12:45PM - Beyonce's good friend Mariah Carey stops by with her twins Mo'Nique and Mokenstef. Blue and the Twins spend about 45 minutes shading children of lessor celebrities.

12:50PM - Blue realizes that Mariah did not come to wish her well, she is only there to eat all of the wings out of her chicken basket.

12:51PM - Blue asks Mariah and her offspring to leave.

3:00PM - Jay posts a song on his blog entitled "Glory", a heartwarming ode to fatherhood featuring his newborn daughter.

3:09PM - Blue's lawyers send a cease and desist order to Roc Nation, asking for the song to be removed until a formal agreement can be reached concerning songwriting credits.

l;kjwgbldb

KingSasha

@DOC the stan-wars owner is silly

BLaCKPoWeR

Quote:

Originally posted by KingSasha

@DOC the stan-wars owner is silly

You will keep it ALL THE WAY cute on Mr. Beyonceitis. He is a brilliant social theorist.

Barbarella

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8:50PM - Mother and daughter continue to bond. Beyonce sings and reads to her child. Then they both post nasty comments on Keri Hilson's VEVO page. Beyonce and Blue decide to watch TV together for the first time. Beyonce wants to watch Desperate Housewives. Blue wants to watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta.

9:00PM - Blue asks Beyonce to leave and look into getting a separate room.

Genius.

I want to meet this person so bad.

Midnight

Quote:

Originally posted by Barbarella

Genius.

I want to meet this person so bad.

He was on BW and rather uppity... He's probably on 4Beyoncé now.

KingSasha

Who he is?

He is a genuis

Da beezness!

Quote:

Originally posted by Midnight

He was on BW and rather uppity... He's probably on 4Beyoncé now.

I know his font. Isn't he also the creator of the wigcrypt/Beyonceitis?

Midnight

Quote:

Originally posted by Da beezness!

I know his font. Isn't he also the creator of the wigcrypt/Beyonceitis?

Yes, lol. He and two other people from BW used to "run" BW until a certain someone came along toppled their empire while they were all gone for a bit. They were bitter until that someone was banned.

The stuff he comes up with is absolutely hilarious and very smart. I mean, he gave us a whole new set of slang words back in '06 and we're still using it. I just didn't like his attitude.

BLaCKPoWeR

Quote:

Originally posted by Midnight

Yes, lol. He and two other people from BW used to "run" BW until a certain someone came along toppled their empire while they were all gone for a bit. They were bitter until that someone was banned.

The stuff he comes up with is absolutely hilarious and very smart. I mean, he gave us a whole new set of slang words back in '06 and we're still using it. I just didn't like his attitude.

He deserves to have such an attitude. He is brilliant. I follow him on Tumblr.

Midnight

Quote:

Originally posted by BLaCKPoWeR

He deserves to have such an attitude. He is brilliant. I follow him on Tumblr.

No, he should take a page out of Bey's book and be humble. But whatever. You get a little exposure and it goes straight to some people's heads.

Bee․

I love this